The socially off things people say and do

amother

Navyblue

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 4:21 pm

amother Currant wrote:

“What are you doing all day? Are you bored? Do you have any friends? “
Said multiple times by my mother in law and sister in law
Always makes me cringe and reminds me of what a loser stay at home mom I am

They are saying dumb things. It's hurtful and not nice.
Rest assured you are no loser. Your kids are lucky and blessed to have a sahm.

Miri1

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 4:34 pm

amother Ballota wrote:

They’re not really complaining, they’re just pretending too. What they’re really doing is bragging.

These are people with low self esteem.

Or it could be an attempt to downplay their privilege.
The person knows that the friend might feel bad and therefore consciously or subconsciously makes the vacation sound less than attractive.
I'm not saying this is effective, but I do think it's a possible explanation, and certainly more complementary than the assumption that they're bragging.

amother

White

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 4:38 pm

at the bris of our oldest, a bris crasher (to this day I don't know who it was, a stranger) asked if we were going to have a pidyon haben. BH I was able to say no, my father is a kohein. They insisted "no, that doesn't matter, if you're not having a pidyon there must be another reason." This was in front of all the women at the bris. It was awful. I just ignored her after that.

At the time I was beyond embarrassed, but now, when I think about it, I recognize she must have poor social skills and I feel for her.

Shani...

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 5:20 pm

Shiva is often a place for foot in mouth.

My friends mom was sick with cancer for many years. At her shiva a woman walked in, promply sat herself down and asked "How did she die" to which a famliy member answered "in a car accident"

If it wouldn't have been so cringeworthy, it may have been comical.

amother

Cherry

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 7:55 pm

Now that my ds turned 18 it's all, so is he starting sidduchim yet?
No he's not.
He's not mature, has mental health issues etc.

I brought a book for my dd on crocheting. Mil asks her if she can read? Ahh. I told her that she's in first year high school. Yes my kids can read 3 languages thank you.

amother

NeonPurple

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 8:17 pm

I've had too many instances to count but here are 2 that pop out:
I was newly married and by my husband's friend's sheva Brachos literally 2 weeks after our last Sheva brachos. The host was asking everyone what they do. I said I wasn't working and she tells me off loudly in front of EVERYONE how it's not good and that I should get a job.

I purposely waited 8 years to have my second kid and due to the obvious gap, someone asked me if it was high risk .

amother

Orchid

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 9:54 pm

My father in law died unexpectedly of a heart attack at a young age:

Coworker, while my husband was still sitting shiva: “was he overweight”?

amother

Brass

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 10:43 pm

Someone looking at my baby in carriage. "I think shes cross eyed" .I acted surprised "really? I didn't know !"

amother

Bronze

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 10:50 pm

When you have a friend in your house and you're in the middle of an obviously private conversation and another family member just joins in and tries to make comments which are uncalled for

amother

Pearl

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 10:53 pm

amother Bronze wrote:

When you have a friend in your house and you're in the middle of an obviously private conversation and another family member just joins in and tries to make comments which are uncalled for

Awkward. For everyone--possibly not the best setting for a private conversation.

amother

Apricot

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 10:55 pm

amother Brass wrote:

Someone looking at my baby in carriage. "I think shes cross eyed" .I acted surprised "really? I didn't know !"

Someone told me my baby’s eyes are so squinty and she looks Chinese. My daughter is almost 12 and I still remember how horrible I felt.

amother

Mocha

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 11:03 pm

amother Brass wrote:

Someone looking at my baby in carriage. "I think shes cross eyed" .I acted surprised "really? I didn't know !"

It's no one's place to comment but please be aware that if your baby does have cross/lazy eye, I would recommend to have her seen by an eye specialist as soon as you can. I learned the hard way. My son's lazy eye was caught and treated very late which made his prognosis much worse.

amother

Gray

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 11:19 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

And BTW I'm a playgroup morah and pointed it out to a mother who had not noticed yet. It was super uncomfortable to tell her but I couldn't notice and not say anything! It's not as obvious as you think.

amother

Jade

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 11:30 pm

(We’re sfardi/chassidish)
I was out with my newborn and a neighbour peeked in to see baby and she is like “another shva rtze “

amother

Pearl

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 11:32 pm

amother Jade wrote:

(We’re sfardi/chassidish)
I was out with my newborn and a neighbour peeked in to see baby and she is like “another shva rtze “

Yikes!!!

amother

Peach

Sun, Jan 08 2023, 11:33 pm

When I was doing fertility, I shared this information with a neighbor who knows us for a long time. She said, "I give you a Bracha to have children. Now answer Amein to my Bracha." She did this several times and now I just avoid her.

amother

Rose

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 1:05 am

When I miscarried and youngest was still a baby,

"were you trying to get pregnant or was this a bc fail"

me: I'll excuse you for asking if you'll excuse me for not answering Can't Believe It

But I'll be honest, we all have foot in the mouth moments as smart and socially okay that we are. Were all human and we all have human moments.

amother

Yarrow

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 1:13 am

amother Jade wrote:

(We’re sfardi/chassidish)
I was out with my newborn and a neighbour peeked in to see baby and she is like “another shva rtze “

Just wondering, what does sfardi/chassidish mean?
(fwiw, I'm sefardi)

amother

Arcticblue

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 1:23 am

I have a sis in law that told me the reason for my miscarriage is because I have a fish tank. Didn't talk to her for an entire year after that. It's one thing to be socially stupid. But to play God that's a whole nother thing I'm not ready to deal with.

amother

Navyblue

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 1:24 am

When a Shadchan suggested a boy for my 21 year old daughter, (She correctly knew to say that she had heard from several people that my daughter is a top and outstanding girl.)
with the boy being less than mediocre and his father and several siblings have serious mental illness: “You have probably never ever been suggested such a great shidduch and you definitely should grab this”

Shadchan, Thanks for letting me know what you think of us.