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amother
Bergamot
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 Tue, Jan 24 2023, 7:18 pm
[quote="amother Sienna"] | amother Bergamot wrote: | OP,
I commend you or reaching out to get information. There have been many good points mentions. Ultimately gd gave you the intuition to do whats best for your baby.
I want to add one point. The torah tells us to do to others what we want to be done to us.
When you are in a bad mood, irritable, sick or uncomfortable how do you want your loved ones to respond to you? Do you want to be ignored, left alone? Or would you want someone comfort you?
You are an adult who could take care of yourself yet eveyone wants to be comforted when they are in a bad mood or sick.
Your baby is a full fledged human being with physical and emotional needs. And a very vulnerable one. Your baby cannot take care of its own needs.
Babys are wired for survival. They will stop crying after a few days of being ignored because they need to survive. In order to survive they need to have connection with their parents. Babies and kids will give up their needs in order to connect to caregiver even those that are neglecting them or those that are neglecting part of their needs. Being connected is their only way to survive.
Giving your baby 2 years of healthy attachment (which means meeting their physical and emotion needs) is the biggest gift you could give another human being entrusted in your care.
How do I know this? I grew up in a seamingly beautiful safe family. Yet my emotional and physical needs weren't taken care of. I suffer tremendously because of it.
If you want research about these topics listen to Gabor Mate or read The Myth of Normal.[/quote
OP- please take this with a grain of salt!! Yes- of course this is true. But, if you are otherwise meeting your child's needs, then the vast majority of scientific research does not indicate harm brought to a child from sleep training! My first child was a horrific sleeper and I was suffering tremendously due to the sleep deprivation- which in turn was impacting my marriage and my relationship with my child- not to mention my mental health. We spoke with doctors and ultimately a rav, who is known for his expertise in chinuch. The rav told us to buy the Ferber book! I was very opposed to sleep training at the time, but it was something we needed to do. And we all benefited from it. It isn't the right choice for everyone- but so many people sleep train their children and they turn out just fine! Your interactions with the child for the duration of his life have much more of an impact. I'm sorry the prior poster felt her needs weren't met- but by choosing to sleep train in a responsible way- if that is the correct decision for your family (and you are a loving and caring parent!)- does not mean your child will suffer tremendously for it! |
I agree to many of the points you added. I don't think sleep training is a problem. The problem is ignoring a baby's needs. Of course if the OP lovingly sleep trains her baby the baby will do well.
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Sebastian
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Tue, Jan 24 2023, 7:30 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Thank you! Not sure why people think its normal... |
From your original post I thought maybe he goes down at 7 and wakes up 3xs, the 3rd being 5 30. Thats hard but somewhat age appropriate.
Does he like being swaddled? Any way you can train him (first starting with naps maybe) to sleep on his own without rocking? I would do rhat before sleep training. I think sleep training a baby thats currently being rocked to sleep will be very jard on him.
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amother
Aconite
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Tue, Jan 24 2023, 9:53 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I gave birth to my first baby this summer, hodo Hashem kitov.
I had a terrible, traumatizing, horrific birth. Before I gave birth, I was 5’1 and 100 pounds with my hair wet. I go on to have a 10 pound baby. After pushing for 3 1/2 hours, they had to use forceps and an episiotomy to get the baby out (shoulder was stuck). I ended up tearing 3 degree, lost a ton of blood and had to get a blood transfusion. My placenta had to be removed by a d and c because I lost concius after birth.
According to my doctor, the recovery was going to be worse then a c-section, and I think he was right.
My baby from the start was extremely colicky. The doctors would say that he was acting like this because of the birth trauma. He would scream for hours and hours. Me and my husband tried everything, but to no avail. Now, the baby is much better bH. However, he is still a crazy sleeper. He only goes to sleep after being rocked for an hour. He wakes up at least three times nightly (he drinks three sips of milk and then falls back asleep).
We are at our wits ends. He is almost 7 months and I feel like I still have a newborn. Is it horrible to sleep train? I am leaning towards the Ferber method. Does anyone have anything positive to say about it? Or negative 🙈. Thank you. |
I'm so sorry about what you went through!
From what you're describing, your baby isn't hungry the three times he wakes up to take a few sips- he just doesn't know how to fall asleep on his own. Sleep training is just teaching a baby to fall asleep on their own without the aid of rocking/feeding/holding, etc. or anything else that can't stay continuous the whole night
I'm going to try to explain how this works but disclaimer that I'm not an expert or a scientist, and this is what I've understood and I might use the wrong terms. You can totally look this up online as well. When we sleep, we actually go through sleep 'cycles' and partially 'wake up' numerous times in middle of the night when a cycle ends. When you partially wake up, if the environment is one where you can fall back asleep, you just slip into the next sleep cycle without realizing. So, for example, if someone were to pick you up in the middle of the night and put you on the floor and turn the light on, you may not wake up right away, but you're likely to wake up the next time you complete a cycle, because your body is not used to putting itself to sleep on the floor with the light on.
When a baby does not know how to fall asleep on its own and has to be rocked or fed to sleep, when they partially awake they'll wake up all the way because the rocking or feeding that got them to sleep has stopped and now they can't slip seamlessly into the next cycle.
There are gentle ways to teach this important skill where your baby does not have to 'cry it out' or whatever. 7 months is definitely old enough to learn how to fall asleep on his own and old enough to get a 12 hour night, 7 pm to 7 am or something like that.
I'd also definitely recommend moving him out of your room if you can.
From my experience, if you can gently help a baby learn to fall asleep on his own at the beginning of the night, the middle of the night will resolve itself. And if you stay consistent, it shouldn't take more than 3 days to see results, a week at the most.
Hatzlacha!
(I didn't read through all the responses but you probably got a lot about how awful it is to sleep train... I clearly disagree  )
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dena613
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Wed, Jan 25 2023, 6:43 am
OP, I'm impressed that you what to do the best for your baby.
My babies all coslept until I couldn't take it (but some continued longer because I couldn't take getting them to sleep on their own!!), And even then when they'd wake up, I'd take them out and bring them back to my bed to nurse and go back to sleep... So they really weren't sleep trained.
First things first, it is totally normal for a 7mo to wake up a few times, eat, and go back to sleep. Absolutely normal.
Some may call this CIO. I don't think so, but I don't know.
If you'd like to try to train falling asleep in a crib, I'd suggest nap time first (when you are less overtired and overwrought). You can feed baby, rock baby NOT to sleep, just to sleepY, and then place in crib. If baby cries, I'd leave for a minute and say I'm coming right back, but if baby couldn't handle it, I'd come back and sit next to the crib. If baby continues to cry, I'd hold hand and talk reassuringly.
Once baby is used to (after a week or so) falling asleep in crib with hand held, I'd try to wean off of hand and see if it makes baby cry. (If Baby cries more than a few min, they aren't ready)
Once baby can do that for a while, I would move my chair to doorway for a few days etc etc
Natura progression without crying.
I don't have a solution for eating in the night, because I think that is a basic need.
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dena613
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Wed, Jan 25 2023, 6:46 am
| Sebastian wrote: | | Op baby wake up 3xs after 12 is NOT age appropriate at all. Poor you and poor baby. |
I have absolutely had that.
Even with babies who were much older.
It's still normal, if the baby can suck a little and fall back asleep
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