Working Parents and Schools

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Forum -> Working Women

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amother

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 9:10 am

This is really a vent, but I'm open to advice.
It's so frustrating that we both have to work to cover expenses including tuition.
Then the school keeps on adding things. Early pickup- no bussing. Late start.

Today was a late start midterm but the bus didn't show up. And if you're not seated on time, you can't take the test. And car services and Ubers take time.
So what does the school expect? That tge parents sit at home and not go to work, just to drive the kids to school at 11:45 and pick them up at 2:30.

It's one thing, a vacation or something on tge calendar. Ok. I can plan in advance. But throwing all sorts of extra things, coming to school. Its not sustainable.
Ok. Vent over.

amother

Chicory

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 9:34 am

Honestly, parents are in an impossible situtation nowadays and cannot win no matter what they do.

If they take a flexible job but don't make as much money, they get bashed for not making enough to pay full tuition and are told they should work more hours.

If they take an intense inflexible full time job, and then can't manage the school schedule, they are told "school is not your babysitting service."

There's no winning and there's no compassion or empathy towards the parents and a willingness to work with them. Just put them in an impossible situation and make them juggle a thousand balls and then get upset when they can't do it all

amother

DarkMagenta

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 10:33 am

Yup. I started hinting that I would need to be deducting tuition or adjusting it when I have to lose income by not working or additional last minute child care arrangements for unnecessarily late breaking changes to schedules, and I provided examples of these calculations, while also explaining that I have no family or magic grandma in town---and I work and pay taxes so many of the other families and teachers don't have to.

They started being less flaky, etc. and scheduling things first thing in the morning rather than the middle of the day too.

amother

Teal

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 10:34 am

amother DarkMagenta wrote:

Wow I love that! Good for you.

amother

Chicory

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 10:39 am

It's not just the schools, even on imamother you see this utter hypocrisy.

There was once a thread where a mom wrote thay she considers herself working full time cuz she leaves with her kids in the morning and picks them up at 3:30. She immediately got bashed for not working full time.

Then shortly after that, there was another thread with a mom complaining about midwinter schedules and having to take off. And many posters responded "well if you have kids one parents has to have a lighter job and be available. It's not the schools problem"

Seriously I cant make this stuff. There really is no winning.

momtra

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 10:45 am

amother DarkMagenta wrote:

Thank you for being someone who speaks up.
So important!

amother

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 10:54 am

Interestingly, I found the schools to be a little more understanding when my kids were in elementary school.
But in high school (girls and boys) it's insane.
Late starts, early ending, mandatory play practice (or lowering grades), no missing class for appointments (or lowers grades), detentions and makeup tests on Sundays (if they come late to school on a day with a test)when there's no public transportation. That makes it my responsibility to figure it out, but the school shrugs and says "the girls should figure it out".
How is a 15 year old girl supposed to figure out to get to school by 12 when there's no public transportation and the Ubers and Car Services are all running late

amother

Chicory

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 10:58 am

amother OP wrote:

Oy that's so hard. Principals (and some teachers) are literally the most clueless people out there.

zaq

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 11:37 am

IMHO schools are still operating under the assumption that we're operating under the 1950s economic model of breadwinner dad, SAHM. I'm not sure that this was ever an across-the-board reality, but it sure isn't anymore.

amother

Banana

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 11:49 am

I've lost it on more than one school principal over the years over this nonsense.

One child's school is very into parents being involved. That principal got a phone call that if they continue with this line without being accommodating to working parents, they can count us out. The next class presentation to receive their chumashim was magically scheduled for 9 am, right after morning dropoff. This same school gave the students a day off to schedule PTA during DAYTIME hours. I made it clear that I will not be showing up.

Another school tried making a motzei shabbat event mandatory. No problem, except it was taking place 3 towns and a 25 minute drive away. I told the principal I'll be happy to drop my child off at her house and SHE can take her.

I'm done with this nonsense. They can either work with me or without me. The one principal who tried telling me that my daughter will "suffer emotional trauma" from her mom not showing up to a 12:30 mother and daughter luncheon got a very quick "she'll be more traumatized if I have to take the entire day off to make it to midday luncheon and subsequently not be able to afford groceries" reply.

Before I get any flak for my attitude, I don't take time off for appointments either. I found doctors/dentists that offer evening hours.

NotInNJMommy

Tue, Jan 24 2023, 12:26 pm

zaq wrote:

Lol right yet telling mothers to work to pay the bill$

They want 2023 dual income families for the checks and 1950s homemakers for the rest. Such silliness!

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