My husband keeps dd up

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amother

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:00 pm

My daughters bedtime is at 7:45 she fights with her sleep and will stay up until my husband comes home (can be as late as 9:30) cause she knows he will give her VIP love n spend time with her. And they make so much noise, waking up the other kids. I feel like he cant do this and has to be strict with her not coming out of bed and he shouldnt be in her room partying like that... and hes just not listening n just stays in her room giving her a good time. Any thoughts?

amother

Offwhite

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:05 pm

He's the father. So important for kids to spend time with a parent. I always let my kids wait up if they want too. Of course, the littles get tired sooner. But I cherish the time they have together. And, Happy kids with good attachment and healthy love from parents is what makes them successful at school and life the next day. Of course sleep is important but I like to compare it to s-x. You could go to sleep very very late after a full fulfilling night, and yet have so much energy sparking in you the next day from the loving feelings that fuzz up your heart and mind!

amother

Blueberry

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:09 pm

amother Offwhite wrote:

Love the comparison! So true Smile

amother

Strawberry

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:10 pm

You speak about your husband as if he's your kid.
He's her father. She wants to spend time with her father. It's not her or his fault that he gets home late.
Let her spend time with her father. Maybe allow her to come out of bed/her room when he gets home so the other kids shouldn't wake up.

amother

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:14 pm

Wow I didnt think about that part. Happy I posted. Thanks!

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:15 pm

Can you compromise? Find a place for them to hang out where it won't wake the other children, have her take a nap in the evening or something so she doesn't lack sleep?

amother

Teal

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:17 pm

I also get frustrated many times if my kids stay up later cuz their father is spending time with them. Or if they run out of bed after I worked sooo hard getting them in.
But then I tell myself the attention and love they're getting is worth way more than a timely bedtime.

amother

Offwhite

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

Wow I didnt think about that part. Happy I posted. Thanks!

Don't get me wrong. It's annoying when it gets late and bedtime happens crazy hours. But its just a small investment for the long run. Kids with healthy attachment and love will have less issues in the future.

JenniferK

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:22 pm

I agree with everyone however I understand your frustration as well.

Can you ask him to limit it to 2-3 nights a week. Treat her on those nights she can wait up.

amother

IndianRed

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:23 pm

This sounds very frustrating! He should respect that she worked hard to put the kids to sleep and he should be careful not to wake them! And if the kid needs to sleep earlier cause she's younger than he should be on board, you should be on the same page with her bedtime.

Of course spending time with dad is very valuable, but no, he cannot just party away when mommy said you need to be in bed already. It's disrespectful.

You can work out something that can work for both of you. Maybe once a week she can stay up for daddy time and choose a place that's good for you. Maybe on rosh chodesh. Maybe he can come home earlier one day. Whatever it is it should be done in a way that you and your husband are on the same page.

amother

Offwhite

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:35 pm

amother IndianRed wrote:

She doesn't have to work that hard on bedtime. The Kid can just stay up and play and read while she waits. Of course they should be on same page but I do not think its fair to the father, considering he works and has a long drive home. Disrespectful isn't the right term. Maybe its miscommunication between them. Maybe she doesn't value emotional connection and he does.
I was same way always doing bedtime and being irritated. So I stopped working SO HARD on bedtime. They wait up and DH gets to tuck them in ( Again, some nights they choose to go sleep and not wait. But if they want to wait than I don't oppose.)

amother

Strawberry

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:40 pm

amother IndianRed wrote:

The kid wants to spend time with her father. It is not fair for a mother to deny that to a child. They need to compromise.

amother

IndianRed

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:40 pm

amother Offwhite wrote:

By disrespectful I mean the part that they wake the other kids. Op said that they party in the room and the other kids wake up. She asked him not to party in the room and he isn't listening. I do think it's disrespectful to come home at that time and after she finally got all kids in bed and sleeping that he just walzes in and disregards the work she put in.

amother

IndianRed

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:42 pm

amother Strawberry wrote:

The kid wants to spend time with her father. It is not fair for a mother to deny that to a child. They need to compromise.

of course they should spend time together. But they should find a way and a time that works for both of the them. I don't think the mother wants to deny that from her child. It's just frustrating the way it's done.

amother

Strawberry

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:46 pm

amother IndianRed wrote:

OP doesn't allow her daughter to come out of bed, and she doesn't want dad to be in the room with DD. Which means that she doesn't wand dad spending time with his daughter, and that's not fair. She either needs to let daughter out of bed or dad be in the room with daughter.

hodeez

Thu, Jan 26 2023, 9:48 pm

Have them find a way to bond without waking the other kids. Win win

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