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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Is this ethical/ok. Taking vacation on others discount servi
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 12:00 pm
amother OP wrote:
Just wondering from anyone opinion over here if you were a professional offering a lower price to someone because of their true financial situation and later find out the took a vacation would you be upset ?


Yes I would.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 12:01 pm
amother Jetblack wrote:
You sounds extremely responsible and deserve to go on a vacation. Don't think twice about it.

Signed someone who usually says the opposite but for your specific case I think it is justified.

Just saw your question and can actually answer it cuz my Husband is a therapist who sometimes gives discounts. The answer is its all relative. No two situations are the same. Your case seems justified.


You went against your Dh’s answer
He obviously didn’t say she should go. He said each situation is different.
Anyway one therapist wouldn’t have the right to decide for the others who gave her a discount and weren’t asked.
This is not an opinion question, it’s an honesty question and it should be decided by a rabbi.
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 12:04 pm
Where did you find a therapist who gives such a large discount is what I want to know. I wish we could afford therapy.
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amother
Coffee


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 12:20 pm
Vacation is not a luxury it's a Necessity. Would you hold back from buying bread and milk?
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amother
Lightpink


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 12:26 pm
I think it's completely fine. Vacation is important for mental health just like therapy.
Only on imamother is this attitude that if anyone is giving you a discount of any kind, you have zero right to anything beyond rice and beans and some form of shelter.
Just because the therapistsl offered you a discount does not mean you now owe them a reckoning of every penny you spend.
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BatyaEsther




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 12:33 pm
As a provider, I would possibly be upset without knowing the situation, as I would possibly feel like you were taking advantage of my generosity-if you weren’t paying me in full but then took vacations.
It sounds to me that your providers have been very good to you. Would you be comfortable saying to them? B”H I am so excited. We are able to go on a vacation due to CC points. I have mastered the point system, opening cards and putting medical bills/tuition /food…on cards, and now have a lot of points to use for this well needed vacation. Your work has been so beneficial to me and I really appreciate the discounts you have given us. It would be my pleasure to teach you the credit card point game if you would like.
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amother
Junglegreen


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 12:47 pm
We are in marriage therapy and we pay lower than the lowest end of the therapists sliding scale.
The therapist is very encouraging of us going away. He knows we need it. Desperately.
He feels our lifestyle is barely doable, (personal circumstances not financial), and if we have the opportunity to get away, good for us and it is helping our marriage survive.
We have gone away more times since starting therapy than we have In years. We are drowning in stressful situations, and getting away definitely keeps us above water, as opposed to drowning like we were.
We go primarily with points - our flights, hotels, sometimes even the cars. We don't stay in grand hotels.
Our expenses are usually a meal or 2 out when we're away.
We've gone for 2 days-4 days.

So, to answer your question, I wouldn't hide it and I would hope they would understand.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 2:09 pm
amother Coffee wrote:
Vacation is not a luxury it's a Necessity. Would you hold back from buying bread and milk?


Sorry but vacation isn’t considered a necessity at least not a $2500 one, people can find ways to do some day trips and visit places to relax that don’t cost that, if they can’t afford real vacations.
Vacations costing in the thousands are most definitely more luxury than necessity.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 2:10 pm
amother Junglegreen wrote:
We are in marriage therapy and we pay lower than the lowest end of the therapists sliding scale.
The therapist is very encouraging of us going away. He knows we need it. Desperately.
He feels our lifestyle is barely doable, (personal circumstances not financial), and if we have the opportunity to get away, good for us and it is helping our marriage survive.
We have gone away more times since starting therapy than we have In years. We are drowning in stressful situations, and getting away definitely keeps us above water, as opposed to drowning like we were.
We go primarily with points - our flights, hotels, sometimes even the cars. We don't stay in grand hotels.
Our expenses are usually a meal or 2 out when we're away.
We've gone for 2 days-4 days.

So, to answer your question, I wouldn't hide it and I would hope they would understand.


The difference between your story and op’s is that your therapist encouraged you to go away.
OP hasn’t told any of the providers yet,
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amother
Gladiolus


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 2:23 pm
Why does anyone outside of your immediate family have to know that you’re going away??
You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone… it sounds more like a guilt trip than a deserved trip. Go and enjoy and you’ll be back before anyone notices.
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BatyaEsther




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 3:02 pm
amother Gladiolus wrote:
Why does anyone outside of your immediate family have to know that you’re going away??
You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone… it sounds more like a guilt trip than a deserved trip. Go and enjoy and you’ll be back before anyone notices.

People find out.
Children are terrible secret keepers. (Never tell children you are expecting unless you are ready for your postal worker to know).
Neighbors hear. Things get delivered and are either left out or need to be signed for. Things get said inadvertently. You run into people on vacation. Someone sees a picture. Someone calls you for a favor. Someone has a conversation about the location and you instinctively offer advice because you were there and know the restaurants/hotels/attractions. The list goes on.
I am not advocating advertising, but I would never consider a vacation a secret that you can keep long term.
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amother
Gladiolus


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 3:08 pm
BatyaEsther wrote:
People find out.
Children are terrible secret keepers. (Never tell children you are expecting unless you are ready for your postal worker to know).
Neighbors hear. Things get delivered and are either left out or need to be signed for. Things get said inadvertently. You run into people on vacation. Someone sees a picture. Someone calls you for a favor. Someone has a conversation about the location and you instinctively offer advice because you were there and know the restaurants/hotels/attractions. The list goes on.
I am not advocating advertising, but I would never consider a vacation a secret that you can keep long term.


Yes, but op was specifically worried that her therapist would find out and what the therapist would think. The therapist simply doesn’t need to know. Unless op is going away for a few weeks but it sounded like it would just be for a few days. All she has to say to the therapist is that she will have to cancel her next appointment. No need to give a reason.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 5:34 pm
watergirl wrote:
You said on the first line in your OP that this is an approval seeking post, so people who do not approve are not likely to chime in here. You wanted to hear from only people who approve. Also, the way I read it was that you had already used the points to book the vacation, so what good would it do you to hear opposing views?
I just came back after a busy day so I couldn't read all the responses yet.. No I didn't book yet.. but was planning on.. If a lot of people would say ots wrong then I would rethink my s
Decision.. seeing peoples approval , I am not really thinking about it anymore..
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 5:36 pm
sequoia wrote:
What’s the issue?

Are they charging you full price on cc and paying you back with cash or something?
No the issue was this voice that was saying in my head had they known I am taking a vacation they wouldn't have given me the discount to begin with... doesn't bother me anymore..
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 5:37 pm
amother OP wrote:
I was thinking of that but am scared to do so as I feel that the reason they are discounting me is because they feel bad/nebach for me and if I vacation they will be upset as if I was fooling them..


Many feel a vacation is necessary mental health-wise.

You said you did not have a vacation for years?

I think everyone will fargin you.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 5:39 pm
amother Gladiolus wrote:
Why does anyone outside of your immediate family have to know that you’re going away??
You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone… it sounds more like a guilt trip than a deserved trip. Go and enjoy and you’ll be back before anyone notices.


She obviously has a conscience and wants to do the right and honest thing that she won’t feel guilty about
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 5:39 pm
amother OP wrote:
I just came back after a busy day so I couldn't read all the responses yet.. No I didn't book yet.. but was planning on.. If a lot of people would say ots wrong then I would rethink my s
Decision.. seeing peoples approval , I am not really thinking about it anymore..


What a shame
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 5:41 pm
amother Gladiolus wrote:
Yes, but op was specifically worried that her therapist would find out and what the therapist would think. The therapist simply doesn’t need to know. Unless op is going away for a few weeks but it sounded like it would just be for a few days. All she has to say to the therapist is that she will have to cancel her next appointment. No need to give a reason.


I can’t even believe the level of dishonesty on this site that so many people here advocate for
No permits to do construction, this, all the lies, all the making decisions that should be left to rabbis

Ugh. I can’t any more.
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 5:47 pm
amother Seafoam wrote:
I can’t even believe the level of dishonesty on this site that so many people here advocate for
No permits to do construction, this, all the lies, all the making decisions that should be left to rabbis

Ugh. I can’t any more.


Wow this is so mean. Why does the OP need to tell her therapists that she is going on vacation? OP, you should go. If I was your therapist and heard you were taking a vacation I would assume you were doing it on points or worked hard to save up for it.
And don’t seek approval from random strangers on imamother. Ask a Rav or trusted person in your life.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2023, 5:47 pm
amother Gladiolus wrote:
Yes, but op was specifically worried that her therapist would find out and what the therapist would think. The therapist simply doesn’t need to know. Unless op is going away for a few weeks but it sounded like it would just be for a few days. All she has to say to the therapist is that she will have to cancel her next appointment. No need to give a reason.
OK to avoid misconfusion , I have to apologize. Based on most of the posts here I feel better already with my decision. My fear was not that they will find out as both of them are so busy in life that they don't have time to look after me..(one is in a different state and the other in a different country..we do by zoom) it was a question more of morals/ethics.. If it's right to do such a thing or not when getting discounts , the biased part of me which so badly wanted a vacation Said it doesn't matter but I decided to ask over here others opinions...
If therapy was a one time healing event (I wish) and it wS let's say 4000 dollars on therapy or get a discount and use 2000 for vacation I definitely wouldn't do it..
Therapy was payed for weekly/monthly.. and in the midst of 3 years points were accumulated.. and yes it's only for a few days and can cancel...
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