Gemach/service for single women

amother

Thu, Feb 09 2023, 4:28 pm

I am thinking of starting up a Gemach for any woman who is on her own.

My mother is on her own since my father died and there are so many things that my father did for my mother for the many years when they were married, that my mother cannot do because she doesn't know how to.
The same applies to single woman due to divorce.

My idea is to put together a group of boys age 18+ who would help out woman who need help for the "mannish" jobs. Examples are any problems with a car, dealing with any financial situation, house problems like Shabbos clocks, repairs in the house and many other possibilities.

I am thinking that if anything needs to be changed or a new one bought, the woman would be responsible to pay but the actual labour of the young man would be as a Chessed.

Any thoughts?
TIA

bernadette

Thu, Feb 09 2023, 4:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

Any issue with a car , or some simple things in the house, if there is a chaveirim in the area, they are very helpful. More than that, I'm sorry op, nobody is fixing anything for anyone for free. Financial situations, as we kids got older and financial independent, our mother talked to us about it.
My mother has been divorced for almost 35 years.

amother

Bisque

Thu, Feb 09 2023, 4:43 pm

bernadette wrote:

Agreed.
There's handyman, electricians, all available for hire I'm always calling the local community handyman... and so is everyone else

amother

Cornsilk

Thu, Feb 09 2023, 4:47 pm

To be honest, I'd rather pay someone and know they were doing a good job, or learn to do it myself, than rely on a well intentioned but possibly clueless eighteen year old boy. I certainly wouldnt want him dealing with my financial situation.

Incidentally, my father had no idea how to cook or do a number of other household tasks when my mother was niftar. He learnt.

amother

Stone

Thu, Feb 09 2023, 4:56 pm

Furthermore, your gender-stereotyping is showing. Financial issues and changing lightbulbs are not the sole purview of males. I'd trust a trained 42-year-old woman sooner than a 20-year-old male, but anyone who is good at this sort of stuff is going to prefer to help people of any status who are too needy to hire a pro than a woman who isn't necessarily needy financially but happens to be without a partner. Given that you're looking at a frum volunteer base, you're not that likely to get female auto mechanics or home repair people, but you never know. There are women here who have competence in such things.

You want davka young males, set up a gmach for things like making kiddish and havdalah, leining megillah and blowing shofar, where gender counts. (You might get some women volunteering, too.)

amother

Mauve

Thu, Feb 09 2023, 5:02 pm

I think it is an absolutely beautiful idea. If done well it will be indispensable.

It can be for everyone "on your own" newly divorced or widowed. People who can be consulted for chesed to teach the skills missing or in specific instances help do stuff or refer specific businesses who won't take advantage of the person, because in a two head of household we tend to split the labor and only be experienced on half the things.

amother

Clematis

Thu, Feb 09 2023, 5:06 pm

A) Plenty of married women have husbands who can't so these things. Or who are never home, or depressed, etc. But...

B) I think the bigger problem is sending young men over to single women's houses. It will likely be fine, until it isn't.

I would set up something with vendors and professionals in town to provide services to various categories of people for free or at reduced rates. They can speak with their rav about whether this can be included in their maaser. I would also set up a database of women who have various skills and are happy to either share them or teach them to others. And definitely a place for single women without husbands, or without husbands who are capable, to make havdalah and kiddush and to bring ir meet young boys to shul and similar settings.

Elfrida

Thu, Feb 09 2023, 5:22 pm

amother Clematis wrote:

B) I think the bigger problem is sending young men over to single women's houses. It will likely be fine, until it isn't.

Whatever happens or doesn't happen, it would still be an issue of yichud.

Quote:

And definitely a place for single women without husbands, or without husbands who are capable, to make havdalah and kiddush and to bring ir meet young boys to shul and similar settings.

I agree that havdallah can be questionable halachically for a woman, but I don't know of any reason why women can't make kiddush for themselves.

amother

Ginger

Thu, Feb 09 2023, 6:06 pm

amother OP wrote:

Not sure about fixing things in the house but if you want to help people then perhaps start a gemach where people with chronic disabilities, especially single people with chronic disabilities can get ready made food. I guess you can have people call you and then get volunteers to cook for them. It would be on a long term basis since its chronic but if someone is already cooking for their own families then it wouldnt take much to add some more so that they can give to someone else. You can also speak to stores to figure out a way to get their leftovers so that it goes to people in need instead of the garbage (too much food ends up in the garbage when people can use it instead but no one is doing anything about it). Many people, especially single people, with chronic disabilities dont have anyone to help them especially with food so that would be a nice service for them to have ready made food delivered to them on a daily or weekly basis.

amother

Bergamot

Thu, Feb 09 2023, 7:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

What an extraordinary idea, and there’s such a need for this! I’m a divorcee and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve needed certain things done that would be simple for a man but hard for me. What area are you thinking of doing this in?

amother

PlumPink

Thu, Feb 09 2023, 9:55 pm

My idea is to put together a group of boys age 18+ who would help out woman who need help for the "mannish" jobs. Examples are any problems with a car, dealing with any financial situation, house problems like Shabbos clocks, repairs in the house and many other possibilities.

I think your idea is not particularly practical for a variety of reasons

No one - male or female - fixes cars at this point. They take them to a mechanic. Perhaps get a list of honest mechanics for various brands but honestly the simplest way to ensure competent and honest auto repairs is to take it to the dealer as they have both the equipment and mechanics trained for the cars.

Why is a woman incapable of dealing with finances and why in the world would you let anyone have access to financial information unless they were a professional - I.e. lawyer, broker or certified financial planner.

Why can't a woman hire a handyman - most men at this point aren't particularly "handy" and hire plumbers or electricians or even handymen. Again a list of competent individuals is probably most useful.

As for minor stuff like changing a light bulb, most single women have a neighbor or relative who can do these kinds of stuff. I will give a pass on the whole issue of assuming females are incompetent because I am short so it is harder for me to reach ceiling fixtures and I don't have the same hand strength as some men so it can be difficult for me to unscrew bolts or similar things and of course sometimes women can use help shlepping heavy stuff but realistically many men - especially of a certain age also can't shlep heavy stuff.

amother

Almond

Thu, Feb 09 2023, 10:42 pm

Your idea warms my heart. I'm a single mother of a bunch of children and although I've learned how to change light bulbs and buy the right ones at Home Depot. I hate doing it and wish there was someone else who could give me a hand. There are water filters in the house and also things that need to be hung up. I don't like using tools and you don't need a professional electrician or plumber for these jobs. I think if you have 2 boys come it's not yichud. It can really really be a big help. Not everyone has family or neighbors they can comfortably ask.
Hope this idea takes off. It can also help elderly men and women who shouldn't be climbing step ladders to change light bulbs. It can go in many different directions.

amother

Bluebonnet

Fri, Feb 10 2023, 12:04 am

Single mom here.

Op, take a look at the responses. Every single mom replied that this is a great idea. Please don't listen to posters who have never been in their shoes! Plus you yourself witnessed this need by your mom. Please don't get discouraged by the naysayers.

Op, this is a great idea. As a single mom just knowing that if a need pops up, someone will be there for me.. that in itself would make me feel more calm.

Some examples of help I could have used:

1) shoveling snow or ice near my front door.
2) building sukah (can be arranged months in advance with specific date so us moms don't have to worry who will build it).
3)in chassidish communities where women don't drive and there are no heimish taxis available after a certain time in the evening, these boys could take women with their children home after a late night simcha.
4)carrying heavy things. I hear the argument that no one including married women's husbands can carry heavy things.. but single women are overwhelmed as is and many are very poor. And if a man has the same problem he just calls over a friend to help him. Much harder for a woman to have to reach out to two men to carry that heavy thing.
5)repairs. For example a leak under the sink. If a boy has good hands then it would be the biggest chesed for him to come repair my leak that's there already for 4 years because I can't afford a plumber.. of course this is just one example. I have so many minor things that need to be fixed in my home. I just can't afford it. Although light bulbs and a toilet or clogged sink plunging I do by myself and wouldn't bother anyone else for that but maybe some women do need that type of help.
6)we could really use another "hand" on the day of a simcha (for example bar mitzvah) to help out with things we need last minute like going to a store to pick up a last minute item.

Again op, it IS a brilliant idea and much needed!