Should they tell me or should I be checking?

amother

Thu, Feb 23 2023, 11:47 am

This is the second time in 5 years, so not so often, but since it's happened twice I figured I'd ask.
I washed my guest linen and then when I went to make the beds again I see a stain. This is after I washed and dried the linen. I am a bit annoyed. I feel like the guest should either tell me there's a stain or leave it in a way that is obvious. Maybe if the linen was left on the beds I may have noticed but they stripped the linen and it was all in a ball.
Linen is huge, I don't inspect the for stains before putting them in. Now the stain is set in.
What is a reasonable expectation around this?

ysydmom

Thu, Feb 23 2023, 11:49 am

If I was the guest and there was a stain I would take the linen with me and buy the host new linen or tell the host what happened. I would be embarrassed to leave stained linen on the bed.

amother

Orange

Thu, Feb 23 2023, 11:49 am

It's really embarrassing for them... I've taken a sheet home with me from relatives when it had a stain. I wouldn't want others to know about it

Also could be they didn't notice.

amother

Jasmine

Thu, Feb 23 2023, 11:54 am

This reminds me of the time my husband had a nosebleed all over a bed while we were guests. It looked really bad!

So we took the offending linen with us, washed it and returned it. And let the host know their linen got stained and we would get the stain out and return it. (Or buy new if needed!)

I was so embarrassed but what else should we have done! Left linen that made it look like a murder took place?

tichellady

Thu, Feb 23 2023, 12:02 pm

I think you are overthinking this. it's embarrassing to bring up a stain and they might not have even noticed or it's possible it was there before and you didn't realize

amother

Brunette

Thu, Feb 23 2023, 12:04 pm

I had this once... we were out of town for a simchas and had such nice accommodations...

My 4 yo son threw up in the linen on Friday night. There was nothing to do about it. I couldn't take it home and wash it.

After we left Motzai Shabbos, I sent her a text that the linen had throw up and that I was so, so sorry. I apologized profusely.

She was so, so gracious. I hope to never forget her warm response. I want to be a host like that.

amother

Thu, Feb 23 2023, 12:05 pm

tichellady wrote:

I think you are overthinking this. it's embarrassing to bring up a stain and they might not have even noticed or it's possible it was there before and you didn't realize

It doesn't feel like I'm overthinking it when the linen is ruined. If I knew in advance I could treat it and make sure it was out before drying it.

tichellady

Thu, Feb 23 2023, 12:19 pm

amother OP wrote:

It doesn't feel like I'm overthinking it when the linen is ruined. If I knew in advance I could treat it and make sure it was out before drying it.

I feel for you but honestly this is a very sensitive thing for most people. no one wants to talk about their body fluids. it's just awkward.

socialbutterfly

Thu, Feb 23 2023, 12:24 pm

amother OP wrote:

It doesn't feel like I'm overthinking it when the linen is ruined. If I knew in advance I could treat it and make sure it was out before drying it.

I would check thoroughly before putting it in the wash.
A guest would be mortified. I couldn’t expect them to tell me. How awkward!

amother

Brown

Thu, Feb 23 2023, 12:25 pm

People are not going to tell you. If it will bother you, tell them to not strip the beds.

Personally slept in someone's house for a simcha and my kid had a leaky pull up and I had to switch around the linen. Was embarrassed to tell them so I stripped all the beds we used and put it in their laundry room. I don't know what I would have done if it had been more than #1.

singleagain

Thu, Feb 23 2023, 12:26 pm

amother Peony wrote:

You can tell the guests to not strip the linen.

This might be the best thing.

Not quite the same but I recently left something that was stained in a different pile so I could pretreat it and my dad took it in with the regular laundry. So I want to sympathize that it is very frustrating.

My plan is now to tell my dad not to touch that pile b I'll deal with it.

The only thing to do is for future, ask them not to strip the beds so when you do you'll see it.

amother

Celeste

Thu, Feb 23 2023, 12:30 pm

The appropriate thing to do is replace the linen with new linen.

If you can take it home, tell the hostess and replace it. You can use it for your personal linen if the stain comes out or doesn't come out.

I put this in the general category of it always being appropriate to replace something that is broken or damaged whether or not it is your fault because obviously almost no one breaks or damages objects deliberately as a guest. But one is always obligated to replace it.

amother

Thu, Feb 23 2023, 12:33 pm

amother Peony wrote:

You can tell the guests to not strip the linen.

This is good advice, that way I can do a once over.

amother

Peachpuff

Thu, Feb 23 2023, 1:18 pm

My son threw up and had a nosebleed on 2 different nights in the same house we were staying at.

It was a no brainer for me.
I washed his linen both times and scrubbed out the blood with hydrogen peroxide until it came out. I left the linen in perfect condition.

I think the host noticed I used her washing machine but I figured she would assume it was urine and that I didn’t want to say anything.

I even washed the mattress protector. Thank Gd they had one. And scrubbed the carpet where it got dirty.

Basic decency to leave everything in the condition you found it.

watergirl

Thu, Feb 23 2023, 1:35 pm

I had a guest (who was my close relative) tell me my dog got into the room he was staying in and peed on the bed. We are extremely careful to never let the dog in that room ever. Fine. When I went to look, the bed was made, the comforter was dry, and the sheet and mattress was soaked. If it had been the dog, the blanket would have also been wet, since the dog would not have pulled back the covers, peed, and then remade the bed. In other words, my relative was so embarrassed and humiliated of his issue, he blamed the dog. I went with it, also blamed the dog, and cleaned up.

Bottom line, guests are embarrassed by these things. And they happen. The best thing to do is to use a lower quality, cheaper linen set for guests so you won't be so upset if it's ruined.