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-> Working Women
-> Work at Home Mothers
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amother
Celeste
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 Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:16 am
| amother OP wrote: | | That is my point- get a job and it won't be so hard!! |
Then you'd kvetch about your job. I like my job and I choose to work. But I still have kvetches about it.
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amother
Seagreen
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:19 am
OP, have you never ever complained about anything? I'm sure you did, because you're human.
It's like someone complaining about something their husband did, and we answer them to get divorced.
Or someone complaining about a hardship with a child, and we answer them "you shouldn't be having kids"
Venting is human nature and makes us feel better. We can come up with solutions to work along with what we're complaining about.
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amother
Tan
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:19 am
| amother OP wrote: | | That is my point- get a job and it won't be so hard!! |
Because then life will.be magically easy? Being a working mom has its challenges too. And will she be allowed to complain then because she chose to work when she had the option of being a stay at home mom?
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amother
Tan
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:21 am
| amother Whitewash wrote: | You sound simply jealous.
How disgusting.
Being a mom is a full-time job. I would never manage my life if I would also go out to work.
That does not mean that I love every aspect of being home with my children all day. It has many challenges.
Yes, I’m still grateful I can afford to stay home, but it’s not always easy.
Working while you have a family of little kids is really the ridiculous way to live, it’s just so engrained and normalized in our society, because people can’t afford to have a single income. |
This post is supposed to be less disgusting? How about respecting other people's way of life even if it doesn't work for you.
My life is not ridiculous. 
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amother
Whitewash
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:24 am
| amother Tan wrote: | This post is supposed to be less disgusting? How about respecting other people's way of life even if it doesn't work for you.
My life is not ridiculous. |
Of course not. Many women can handle both nicely.
The part that’s ridiculous and sad is that it became a must for busy moms to work because we can’t afford life.
But if someone chooses to work as an outlet or to do something they love, that’s amazing.
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amother
DarkKhaki
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:27 am
| amother Floralwhite wrote: | I'm a WAHM and I feel like it makes me even lonelier. No time to go out for coffee or meet up with friends. Just work, work, work at the computer all day without seeing anyone.  |
It's really hard I did it for a while, I couldn't keep at it. That's why I became a SAHM. For reasons Id rather not go into I unexpectedly couldn't go to the office anymore.
Some are SAHM'S by choice, but not everyone.
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tichellady
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:27 am
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some people find being a mom hard, whether they have another job or not
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amother
Wallflower
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:28 am
Only way to have an intellectual/creative or social outlet is to get a job.
Only way for kids to make friends is in school.
That was sarcasm. Stop being so bitter and enjoy life.
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amother
Pewter
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:31 am
| amother Pear wrote: | (this isn't op from the how to make a thread go viral, right?)
OP, sounds like you resent working and wish you could be a SAHM. Are there any ways you could make it work? If you kept younger children home and didn't use cleaning help or convenience foods could you afford to make it without your income? It wouldn't be easy, but it would be a choice you make and not one you feel forced into. | Lol that was my first thought as well
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Kiwi13
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:32 am
OP, some people aren't making enough money to work AND put their kids in daycare. That's one reason it took me so long to get back into the workforce. I had 3 under 3 and a job that couldn't support even ONE in daycare!
Also, even if you have a work-from-home job, there's a lot to juggle. People are entitled to vent about this, just as they are allowed to vent about anything else. There's value to venting - it can help you get it out and move forward. I'm sure you and everyone else has vented about less-than-world-ending things before.
This thread, for example. ;-)
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amother
Orange
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:34 am
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Many of us who don't have paying jobs can't afford cleaning help or take out. We have to be careful on grocery and clothing shopping. I clean my house and don't have a dishwasher. And when my 2 year old is home she wants constant attention. Which often includes sitting on my lap. Do not get me wrong. I think motherhood is wonderful. But it's not easy.
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amother
Ghostwhite
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:36 am
Does no one here get what OP is trying to say?
I think I can relate to what OP is alluding to- I live in lkwd in a mostly heimish neighborhood with lots of SAHMS who have lots of cleaning help; Shabbos klutches consist of validating my neighbor with 4 kids as to how hard it is that her cleaning lady just showed up for 16 and not 20 hours that week, and her husband doesn't get home until 5:30, how is she supposed to manage the kids...
I'm like, lady, seriously? What do you do all day (her baby goes to a babysitter)? Blow thru all the new netflix shows? I mean, I know you need to go across town to return the first sweep of spring shabbos clothes for your kid for pesach, but that doesn't take all day...
and this is the norm, not exception, on my block, middle-class income families, attached houses...
am I a wee bit j? of course.
the point is that it's not fair to equivocate the 2 lifestyles and pretend it's equally hard to be out of the house from 9 to 4 every day and then come home to childcare and homecare as it is to have the freedom to plan one's day as one pleases.
of course everyone has their package yada yada, but when I have to show up at a cousins wedding in bklyn at 9 pm after having come home after 4 and done the whole homework dinner bedtime dance and then driven myself in, and then getting home at 130 am and getting out the next am before 9, and my SAHM sil shows up all fresh and dewy bec this is the event of the week for her, and gets complimented on being so geshikt and put together while my shaitel hasn't seen the inside of a salon in 3 months... it hurts.
throw tomatoes, won't you. Then I'll have no choice but to make it to the shaitelmacher:)
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amother
DarkKhaki
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:40 am
| amother Seagreen wrote: | I'm a SAHM and have NO time to go out for coffee or out to lunch. While the working women I know, go out to lunch almost every day.
I don't know why on this site, working women think that SAHM have all the time to go out for coffee or with friends. When I was working, I had an actual lunch break and was able to go out for lunch. Now that I'm a SAHM, it's almost impossible. |
Also when you work you have childcare, now I have literally no one within a half hour drive to leave my toddler with for a bit.
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amother
Thistle
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:41 am
No mommy wars
We can support ourselves and each other
Achdus
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amother
Seagreen
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:46 am
| amother Ghostwhite wrote: | Does no one here get what OP is trying to say?
I think I can relate to what OP is alluding to- I live in lkwd in a mostly heimish neighborhood with lots of SAHMS who have lots of cleaning help; Shabbos klutches consist of validating my neighbor with 4 kids as to how hard it is that her cleaning lady just showed up for 16 and not 20 hours that week, and her husband doesn't get home until 5:30, how is she supposed to manage the kids...
I'm like, lady, seriously? What do you do all day (her baby goes to a babysitter)? Blow thru all the new netflix shows? I mean, I know you need to go across town to return the first sweep of spring shabbos clothes for your kid for pesach, but that doesn't take all day...
and this is the norm, not exception, on my block, middle-class income families, attached houses...
am I a wee bit j? of course.
the point is that it's not fair to equivocate the 2 lifestyles and pretend it's equally hard to be out of the house from 9 to 4 every day and then come home to childcare and homecare as it is to have the freedom to plan one's day as one pleases.
of course everyone has their package yada yada, but when I have to show up at a cousins wedding in bklyn at 9 pm after having come home after 4 and done the whole homework dinner bedtime dance and then driven myself in, and then getting home at 130 am and getting out the next am before 9, and my SAHM sil shows up all fresh and dewy bec this is the event of the week for her, and gets complimented on being so geshikt and put together while my shaitel hasn't seen the inside of a salon in 3 months... it hurts.
throw tomatoes, won't you. Then I'll have no choice but to make it to the shaitelmacher:) |
I don't know ANYONE that's like what you're describing. And I mean anyone. And I know alot of people.
The bolded is very judgmental.
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amother
Outerspace
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:52 am
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I work pretty much full time. While on maternity leave, I complained to my husband one day how the baby was so challenging and im so done and need him to take over for a bit so I can chill. He retorted go back to work then. That’s like what you are saying! Everyone is allowed to kvetch and being a sahm comes with its own things. Maybe they should be complaining to someone that works because I’d also get really mad if they do that to me….
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Kiwi13
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:56 am
| amother Ghostwhite wrote: | Does no one here get what OP is trying to say?
I think I can relate to what OP is alluding to- I live in lkwd in a mostly heimish neighborhood with lots of SAHMS who have lots of cleaning help; Shabbos klutches consist of validating my neighbor with 4 kids as to how hard it is that her cleaning lady just showed up for 16 and not 20 hours that week, and her husband doesn't get home until 5:30, how is she supposed to manage the kids...
I'm like, lady, seriously? What do you do all day (her baby goes to a babysitter)? Blow thru all the new netflix shows? I mean, I know you need to go across town to return the first sweep of spring shabbos clothes for your kid for pesach, but that doesn't take all day...
and this is the norm, not exception, on my block, middle-class income families, attached houses...
am I a wee bit j? of course.
the point is that it's not fair to equivocate the 2 lifestyles and pretend it's equally hard to be out of the house from 9 to 4 every day and then come home to childcare and homecare as it is to have the freedom to plan one's day as one pleases.
of course everyone has their package yada yada, but when I have to show up at a cousins wedding in bklyn at 9 pm after having come home after 4 and done the whole homework dinner bedtime dance and then driven myself in, and then getting home at 130 am and getting out the next am before 9, and my SAHM sil shows up all fresh and dewy bec this is the event of the week for her, and gets complimented on being so geshikt and put together while my shaitel hasn't seen the inside of a salon in 3 months... it hurts.
throw tomatoes, won't you. Then I'll have no choice but to make it to the shaitelmacher:) |
Oh, people definitely need to know WHO to vent TO.
Aside from this particular subject, it's not wise to vent about your baby keeping you up all night to someone battling infertility. It's not wise to vent about a problem with some fancy new gadget you bought to someone struggling to pay for the basics. Same goes for pretty much anything. But even someone who stays home all day and has all the cleaning help in the world and lives in a big fancy house has difficulties (all people do), and she's allowed to vent too. Probably not a good idea to vent about those specific things to someone who views all of it as beyond a luxury, but there are people who will relate, and those are the ones she should seek out for complaints about it.
ETA: On the internet you have no idea who's who, but a lot of the onus is on the reader. Don't like it? Scroll on...
Last edited by Kiwi13 on Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:57 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
DarkKhaki
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 8:57 am
| amother Ghostwhite wrote: | Does no one here get what OP is trying to say?
I think I can relate to what OP is alluding to- I live in lkwd in a mostly heimish neighborhood with lots of SAHMS who have lots of cleaning help; Shabbos klutches consist of validating my neighbor with 4 kids as to how hard it is that her cleaning lady just showed up for 16 and not 20 hours that week, and her husband doesn't get home until 5:30, how is she supposed to manage the kids...
I'm like, lady, seriously? What do you do all day (her baby goes to a babysitter)? Blow thru all the new netflix shows? I mean, I know you need to go across town to return the first sweep of spring shabbos clothes for your kid for pesach, but that doesn't take all day...
and this is the norm, not exception, on my block, middle-class income families, attached houses...
am I a wee bit j? of course.
the point is that it's not fair to equivocate the 2 lifestyles and pretend it's equally hard to be out of the house from 9 to 4 every day and then come home to childcare and homecare as it is to have the freedom to plan one's day as one pleases.
of course everyone has their package yada yada, but when I have to show up at a cousins wedding in bklyn at 9 pm after having come home after 4 and done the whole homework dinner bedtime dance and then driven myself in, and then getting home at 130 am and getting out the next am before 9, and my SAHM sil shows up all fresh and dewy bec this is the event of the week for her, and gets complimented on being so geshikt and put together while my shaitel hasn't seen the inside of a salon in 3 months... it hurts.
throw tomatoes, won't you. Then I'll have no choice but to make it to the shaitelmacher:) |
I've worked full time for years, then part time, then a SAHM for a number of years. When you're home with kids, you do what the babysitter would be doing all day, plus your house turns into a zoo, plus you don't have where to leave your kids when you have an appointment or event. If you don't clean up, you're stuck looking at the mess.
When I worked, it was in some ways harder, mainly leaving the house on time & rushing home in the afternoon not to be late for my kids. In many ways it was easier. House stayed cleaner, & even if not who cared we were out of the house all day. Friday I had cleaning help & all was good. Then I got to sit most of the day at work & have adult company & it felt great having clients ask for my advice, I was a mentch.
I'm so grateful to be home, & even with weekly cleaning help I don't have much down time. & no I don't spend my days shopping or having coffee. I do get to eat well & work out which was not possible when working.
I gotta wonder how old op is with how many children 
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amother
Crimson
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 9:09 am
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I also know as a SAHM who is now working part time from home that sometimes we feel stuck when we are home. We haven’t been in the career world in a while and we don’t know our calling or what job to apply for. It can take its toll emotionally to feel like you don’t have more “purpose”, especially if your youngest has gone to school already and you don’t even know where to start looking for a job..
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amother
Leaf
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Fri, Feb 24 2023, 9:15 am
| amother OP wrote: | | That is my point- get a job and it won't be so hard!! |
What? It’s the ideal! sahms are the heroes!!! Look how messed up our society has gone!
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