Teenagers Missing School

Chayalle

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 10:14 am

amother Crocus wrote:

Because it's not stealing.
Please show me a source that keeping a child home from school once in a blue moon, is stealing. That's just absurd.

Have you asked a sheilah if keeping your teen home from school for babysitting is OK?

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 10:14 am

amother Crocus wrote:

Because it's not stealing.
Please show me a source that keeping a child home from school once in a blue moon, is stealing. That's just absurd.

According to the Torah taking someone's time (or sleep) is categorized as stealing.

BTW I do know of people who asked rabbanim about keeping their daughters home from shul RH/YK to help out so moms could go to shul and they were told no, girls should not be kept from going to shul instead of their mothers.

Chayalle

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 10:17 am

amother Seagreen wrote:

And I know people who asked about keeping their daughters home for babysitting, and were told not to do so.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 10:18 am

Chayalle wrote:

And I know people who asked about keeping their daughters home for babysitting, and were told not to do so.

Yeah based on what I've heard I'm not surprised. Makes sense. It's not the place of teens to miss school become of parental responsibilities. Barring dire emergencies.

amother

Crocus

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 10:20 am

Chayalle wrote:

Have you asked a sheilah if keeping your teen home from school for babysitting is OK?

Have you asked a sheila?
(Even if you don't think it's OK, it's still not stealing.)
You're making it seem like I'm saying that I do this regularly.
(Happens to be, I did discuss it with a mentor.)

amother

Crocus

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 10:22 am

amother OP wrote:

Which brings me back to my original question.
How much is "too much" for a teenager per year? How many days per year? 10? 5? 3?

I think more than 3 days is too much.
1-2 helping days as a last resort, is fine IMO.

amother

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 10:29 am

amother Crocus wrote:

I think more than 3 days is too much.
1-2 helping days as a last resort, is fine IMO.

The girls my daughter was talking about in school and neighbors, we're talking 1-2 days a MONTH. If not more. And not including emergencies.
Respectful, Imo, people like you make it worse. Because you passionately argue that it's no big deal and you do it, but you're not arguing the same thing.
And you end up rubber stamping and approving people who do it way more extreme than you.

amother

Crocus

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 10:34 am

amother OP wrote:

If she's home 1-2 days a month, then there's probably a bigger reason that you don't know. Perhaps someone in the family is ill. Or the student herself is ill. You really cannot know what's going on behind closed doors.
Where did I passionately argue that my kids are home 1-2 times a month???? I said several times, that once in a blue moon, is not that big of a deal. Not once did I imply that it's ok to do this often or regularly. You're just putting words in to my mouth.
I firmly believe that if it's a regular thing by someone, there is more going on than you know about.

amother

Crocus

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 10:37 am

OP, you started this thread asking for others opinions on this and what we think. But you're clearly not interested in others opinions and just want to be judgmental and make your own opinion clear.

amother

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 10:38 am

amother Crocus wrote:

And if it's not something going on?
If it's that the parents can't take off work so someone needs to stay home with the children with the flu.
If the parent is taking other children to the dentist and someone needs to be home for the little ones.
If the parents are going to EY to visit their sem daughter so the high school girls take turns leaving school at 2 for 2 weeks to do playgroup pickup.
If the mother is a playgroup Morah and she needs a sub.

amother

Crocus

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 10:42 am

amother OP wrote:

You can't know that there's not something going on. There probably is.
If you don't think it's ok to do, then don't doing. But don't judge others either. You do what works for you and your family, and what others do, shouldn't effect you and what you do.

Chayalle

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 11:24 am

amother Crocus wrote:

If anyone but the student herself is ill, the parents need another solution that should be worked on, perhaps with input from a Rav, organization that supports people in their position, etc...

It's not healthy for a teen to be the support person in such a situation.

amother

Crocus

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 11:48 am

Chayalle wrote:

It is very easy to give advice on a situation you are not going through. Everyone should do what works for their family. And yes, sometimes when there's illness in the family, teenagers do need to step up. Not always is there another solution available. Sometimes this is the best solution. Stop judging.
Stepping up doesn't mean that the teen is the support person in the situation.

Chayalle

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 11:54 am

amother Crocus wrote:

The thing is, when doing what works for the family, are all angles being considered? And I mean over here, talking to Daas Torah, to support people and Askanim, finding out what resources are available to the family, and what might be best for their teens. Not just -what works for them as a family (or for the parents), without necessarily considering whether it's working for the teen, or healthy for them or their future. The teen's emotional needs must also be considered.
I'm saying this as the wife of a DH whose mother had cancer when he was a teen.

amother

Crocus

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 11:59 am

Chayalle wrote:

Yes, I assume most people seek out guidance and figure out what works for them and their situation. There's no one size fits all.
One of my family members were ill when I was in high school. There were certain days when me or my siblings refused to go to school. We didn't feel like we belong in school and weren't able to concentrate when there was so much going home. So sometimes, especially during hospitalization, we chose to stay home. I shall hope teachers and other adults were understanding of the situation and not judgmental of us.
You cannot judge others for reacting to a situation the way they do. There's no one size fits all.

Chayalle

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 12:05 pm

amother Crocus wrote:

Yes. DH has said similar.
I'm not judging, but I think there should be awareness. And unfortunately, there are people who don't seek out guidance.