Dreading hosting my parents for pesach :(

amother

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 8:07 pm

I really don’t want to have my parents over for yom tov. There isn’t anyone else who’s able to host them.
I know I should be grateful I even have parents. I should be grateful I’m healthy and I’m capable of hosting and have the space for it.
But last year they ruined my whole yom tov and I’m miserable thinking about this coming yom tov. I’m literally crying as I type this.
I can’t go into detail why I don’t want them. But they are miserable people to be around Sad

And I don’t even have anyone else I can invite so that it’s not just me and my family stuck with them for 8 days. Sad

amother

Maple

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 8:14 pm

Sorry to hear this. Can you buy them a couple ''new books'' as a gift to keep them busy maybe for the first days of YT? Not sure of ages, but can they take your children to a small park? Even for an hour? What I am asking is can you say ''Mom I can use your help in taking ''Chani ''out for an hour? Can they do that? If they are older and can't get out, If they enjoy reading it might help.

amother

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 8:19 pm

amother Maple wrote:

I wish. They can barely take care of themselves let alone help out with my kids. They bring their own reading material with them when they come

amother

Peru

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 8:19 pm

You don't need to be grateful for parents who make you miserable, and you don't need toninvite them for Pesach.

My parents are also two old miserable people who love nothing more than criticising me and trying to bring me down, and I am most certainly NOT inviting them for Pesach or going to them, even though they'll be alone.

I'm sorry you have such sh!++y parents. It sucks so hard.

amother

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 8:24 pm

amother Peru wrote:

You pretty much described my parents.
Except mine can’t cook or clean so if I don’t invite them they will be stuck in a house full of chometz.
Oh and everyone will wonder what kind of terrible daughter they have who doesn’t invite them.

rainbow dash

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 8:26 pm

amother OP wrote:

So, they can go to a program

giftedmom

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 8:37 pm

amother OP wrote:

And I don’t even have anyone else I can invite so that it’s not just me and my family stuck with them for 8 days. Sad

Hugs. It’s hard. Just know that you don’t have to. That’s all. Even if no one else is able to host them. You still don’t have to.

giftedmom

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 8:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

Not that it’s your responsibility but it’ll probably be easier for you to have someone clean their house or do it yourself than be stuck with them for eight days
Everyone can judge all they want. You and your family deserve an enjoyable YT. This is the time to make memories for your kids, break the cycle, and teach them that yiddishkeit is beautiful. I really wonder what a Rav would say if you asked.

amother

Eggplant

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 8:43 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Hugs. It’s hard. Just know that you don’t have to. That’s all. Even if no one else is able to host them. You still don’t have to.

I think it's easier said than done.

OP is describing my parents exactly, my mother is more bearable though.
I'm the only one there for them and would never allow them to just be home if they aren't capable.

amother

Peru

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 8:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

If they're like mine, they'll b!+ch about you either way.

Don't invite them: "Sara is such a terrible daughter who didn't invite us even though we have nowhere else to go!"

Invite them: "We were stuck at our daughter Sara's house for 8 days and it was such a nightmare for us. Sara can't cook or clean so we were in a filthy house with barely anything to eat, and she lets her kids run wild so we were afraid to leave our room and also barely slept!"

I prefer the 1st. Especially because you'll be hearing the 2nd 1sthand constantly for 8 days, and the 1st only here and there through the grapevine.

amother

Razzmatazz

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 8:45 pm

You didn't provide much detail but is there anything at all you can do/ buy/ change for this year to make it more bearable?

giftedmom

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 8:45 pm

amother Eggplant wrote:

Yes ofcourse it’s a tough position to be in. But the first step is the realization that you do have a choice, even if it’s a tough choice to make. It’s not a done deal.
Subjecting yourself and your family to a miserable YT is no simple matter

amother

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 8:47 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Hugs. It’s hard. Just know that you don’t have to. That’s all. Even if no one else is able to host them. You still don’t have to.

And what am I supposed to tell them? Hi ma and ta you aren’t invited for pesach because you make me miserable?
Trust me I have loads of nasty things I want to say to them but I hold my tongue because I don’t want to go to gehinom 🙄

#BestBubby

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 8:53 pm

Don't let them ruin your Yom Tov.

They criticize you?

Tell yourself they are mentally ill and you don't
Get offended by what crazy people say.

Go away chol Hamoed without them.

Ignore them as much as possible and focus on

Dh and your kids.

Sorry, it is very hard.

amother

Lemon

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 8:59 pm

Op I really feel for you. It fell on me to have all problematic family members every yt too, none of the other siblings would ever offer and we have been the only ones hosting them. Its not parents and I cant go into detail but its several very difficult people. My dh always tells me how much this is a huge zechus are saving us from so much bad in life and thats how we choose to approach it. Its a huge chesed and youre gonna get so much schar for it.

giftedmom

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 9:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ofcourse not. You come up with a really great excuse. Fudge for the sake of shalom. Could be a ridiculous excuse. You keep repeating it when they ask and don’t go into detail.

amother

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 9:04 pm

amother Lemon wrote:

My dh says the same.
And sometimes I do lose it with them and I’m chutzpahdik and criticize them right back and then dh reminds me of kibud av va’aim 🤦‍♀️

amother

Sat, Mar 25 2023, 9:05 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Ofcourse not. You come up with a really great excuse. Fudge for the sake of shalom. Could be a ridiculous excuse. You keep repeating it when they ask and don’t go into detail.

I can’t dump them 10 days before yom tov. There’s no way I can tell them they can’t come. They Will literally be stuck in a chometzdik house with no food