Please don't leave your manners at home

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

zaq

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 2:07 pm

amother Aconite wrote:

In my ideal world, I'd simply turn around and tell her that was rude and unappreciated.

No. The correct thing to do is to ignore.

newinbp

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 2:53 pm

If it helps you, the lady in front of me put on hold the last size of something I really wanted. When she left the store the lady could have sold it to me because lady in front of me put it on hold and I was ready to pay for it right then. I wasn't sure what the right thing to do was, and the store said that they had to hold it for her. Who knows, but I guess I just felt like I don't think this world needs to be cutthroat and I don't want to cause bad feelings for this other lady I never met. Yes, we're both spending hard-earned money in our time is valuable. But I don't run the world I'm trying very hard to internalize this and I hope you have easy shopping from here on out. Please bench all of us too on this site! Thanks

NechaMom

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 3:14 pm

She didn’t leave her manners at home, she left her middos in kindergarten. I’m embarrassed for her.

amother

Midnight

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 3:18 pm

so sorry op
the person who insulted you probably has no manners left at home or anywhere else for that matter

amother

Scarlet

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 3:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

May hashem bless your daughter and son in law with a healthy baby b'korov!

Amein, thank you

amother

Wallflower

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 5:24 pm

Erev Pesach brings out the worst in people.
two people who normally greet me on the street, had glazed eyes, not noticing me in the streets today.
I have heard from an optician that erev pesach season the people are confused and bewildered.

amother

Wallflower

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 5:27 pm

newinbp wrote:

It shows your a mentch and farginning, in such a pressured time of year.
in yiddish there is a saying
מען דארף זיין קלוג נישט גערעכט
had you gotten the item, another person would have a heavy heart...

amother

Jetblack

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 5:29 pm

I bet her mother in law is coming today! Otherwise she'd never do that! This was meant humorously not intended for insult.
But I'm sorry that happened to you. It's really uncomfortable in the moment. I'm glad the cashier was nice.

amother

Wallflower

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 5:33 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

mother in law jokes are not in good taste.

amother

Jetblack

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 5:38 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

mother in law jokes are not in good taste.

Sounds like yours is coming today too! Lol. Seriously I gave a whole psa. Sanctimonious much?

amother

Antiquewhite

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 5:55 pm

amother Bluebell wrote:

Anyone has Wic and knows how long the checkout takes....??

I always feel bad when I make the others wait while I check out.

To be fair, my grocery has an express checkout that does not accpet Wic.

Now that there is a cc to use for wic it takes no time at all.

amother

Cherry

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 6:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

May hashem bless your daughter and son in law with a healthy baby b'korov!

Me as well. I’ve had 2 miss in in the tww

amother

DarkViolet

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 7:00 pm

newinbp wrote:

It’s disappointing when the person in front of you gets the last of something but you were wrong to ask them to sell it to you when you knew they were holding it for her.

tweety1

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 7:35 pm

I was meant to start such a thread on Sunday. Got to busy and forgot. Here's what I had on Sunday:
Very popular busy local store with lots of fitting rooms. My kids are in one trying on clothing. There are quite a few other fitting rooms with open doors suggesting that those are not in use. Comes one lady goes to the one My kids are in, door is closed and just opens it without even knocking before. Helllllooo! There are 5 fitting rooms with open doors! Why did she have to go to the one with a closed door and not even bother knocking?!?! I yelled so loud "can't you at least knock before you open the door"

Surrendered

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 7:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don't generally post a PSA, but I'm just so hurt!
Please don't leave your good middos at home when shopping! We bh got a gift card and I went out to shop something new for myself. I spent a bit more than the gift card so I had to pay the rest with a different method. The women right in back of me in line gave a loud sigh and just then she got a phone call. She picks up and says "one minute, this lady in front of me is taking so long, she's taking her time." I'm so so so embarrassed. No words. The cashier heard and said "it's okay, don't worry, it's fine."
And then the card machine malfunction for a minute and the women sighed again with a loud "UCH".
Ladies, I know we're all in a rush and the stores are crazy, but please be patient and sensitive and don't let the rush bring out the worst in you!!!
Thank you & wishing everyone an easy prep and nice yom tov!

The way I see it is that perhaps her DH was waiting for her in the car or at home, asking her yet again- "WHERE ARE YOU, WHATS TAKING YOU SOOO LOOOOONG"?
She, being stressed out from cleaning and shopping is already at her wits end and responds- "It's not my fault, The woman in front of me..."

Please give people the benefit of the doubt. She must be so stressed, nothing to do with you!

amother

Midnight

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 7:54 pm

being dlkz, not reacting and staying calm and understanding possible reasons for poor behavior are just that; they are reasons they are not EXCUSES
they are not free passes to behave rudely
and hurt or embarrass someone

that said when it happens to me I say "let it be a kaapara" "gam zu l'tova"
it was meant to be but that person had a choice and didn't have to be the vessel for the stick

may we all be zochah to be vessels for GOOD!

amother

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 8:07 pm

Surrendered wrote:

She was talking to a woman.....
We can be dan l'kaf zchus while being hurt and trying to spread awareness. And yes, some people are just rude without any underlying reason to it.

newinbp

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 8:42 pm

amother DarkViolet wrote:

It’s disappointing when the person in front of you gets the last of something but you were wrong to ask them to sell it to you when you knew they were holding it for her.

I didn't ask them to sell it to me. That's precisely what I wrote, that I'm working on my emunah and bitachon in general and I was calm and kept repeating to myself that whoever is meant to have this piece will have it, it's all from Hashem. That's why I didn't get emotionally attached, and didn't pressure them or ask them. I simply asked the cashier their policy, and spent half an hour waiting for them as they checked the supply room, online, and left empty handed. Before studying bitachon I may have tried to ask them/sway them and I am very proud of myself for exactly NOT doing that.

CPenzias

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 11:39 pm

amother Aconite wrote:

I'm like you op. Even though she's clearly wrong and so rude, I would cringe and get all sweaty.

Calling all armchair therapists. How do I transfer the misplaced shame into assertive speech?
In my ideal world, I'd simply turn around and tell her that was rude and unappreciated.

I would turn around and say "you seem like you're in a rush. Would you like to go ahead of me? " (Hopefully that will make her feel stupid and shut her up. What a rude person!

amother

Natural

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 11:54 pm

CPenzias wrote:

I would turn around and say "you seem like you're in a rush. Would you like to go ahead of me? " (Hopefully that will make her feel stupid and shut her up. What a rude person!

She sounds like the type of person who would take you up on it.

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