biting mommy | Imamother

happymom

Sun, Jun 29 2008, 11:21 am

if he is teething every time he bits someone I would just give him a teetihing toy and say u can bite on this, not people.. and he will get it

just like when my daughter would hit my son I told her over and over we have to be gentel with babies and now she is and she barely ever hits him. whereas I know some ppl who punish thier kid every time they hit and now, they hit waay more then the kids who are taught from the positive method.

amother

Sun, Jun 29 2008, 11:27 am

well my ds is just a year and he also bites me quite often. it really hurts and I've tried smacking him lightly but he doesnt get it.....is he too young to understand?
when I was still feeding and he was getting his teeth he once bit me, boy was that painful..I smacked him very lightly on his cheek but it must have still hurt a bit, he cried him and I cuddled him, calmed him and he never did it again. (thats what my mom told me to do in case it would happen.) is that wrong chinuch wise?

happymom

Sun, Jun 29 2008, 5:52 pm

ok.. hitting a child for biting???? do you really think that he will get it? why is hitting any better the biting??? they are BOTH wrong, and its even more confusing for a child who is biting because they are exploring or teeting to be hit, how confusing!I dont mean to be rude it just I dont understand why hitting anyone or biting anyone is ever ok. yes sometimes you have to pull away and say NO, but phsyical pain as a punishment is not ok and doesnt teach anything.

Clarissa

Sun, Jun 29 2008, 6:11 pm

I'm not a big believer in redirecting for negative behavior. Redirecting works in certain situations -- when your child wants to do something that's unavailable, and he or she isn't getting the point. But for things like biting and hitting, redirecting with attention and affection only reinforces that negative behavior brings on a new and fun situation. My friend used to do this, believing that verbal discipline wouldn't work. Her daughter just learned how much fun it was to hit another kid, because a toy would appear on the scene or a game to play.

When my kid does something that hurts me, I tell him no, that I don't like getting booboos, that I don't want to play because I got hurt. He learns that anti-social and potentially aggressive behavior will mean that he won't get to play and he'll be on his own for a bit. If he does it when he's older, it's him getting a time out and a break from all play.

I'm 100% opposed to doing something that causes a child physical pain in response to the child inflicting physical pain on another. What would that teach?

I think rewarding with a fun hugging game or whatever will send out the wrong message. It's like that old story about the couple whose dog walks in and loudly licks his genitalia every time guests visit. To distract him, they throw him a treat. Pretty soon he learns that plopping down where the couple entertains and licking himself would be an easy trick to get a doggie treat.

Last edited by Clarissa on Sun, Jun 29 2008, 7:47 pm; edited 1 time in total

greenfire

Sun, Jun 29 2008, 6:26 pm

wow what situations ... never hit a kid ... never ever ... how on earth can they learn if you bite them back ... be firm and factual ... NO you do NOT hit or bite and set them down where everything stops because they did so ... laughing reinforces the "game" and this is NOT a game ... it hurts and they need to learn to stop - just for that mere fact - beginning and end ... no treats - no soap - no abuse shock

gold21

Sun, Jun 29 2008, 6:34 pm

Ok so happymom I think that your parenting style sounds really great and well thought-out. However it is a bit too extreme for many people. While it may work for you, it won't necessarily work for me.

I think many moms are way too focused on teaching children to correct their behaviors in negative ways. Way too many time outs and stuff.

However neither can everyone be so freakin positive all the time.

When my ds bites me, I look at him sternly and say "no biting!" Then I make him kiss the spot he bit me on and say "I'm sorry". We review that biting is a boo boo.

I dunno if that is positive or not, but I'm human and it works, so I go with it.

amother

Sun, Jun 29 2008, 8:19 pm

happy2BaMommy wrote:

ok- I did the hugging idea. It did distract ds, and it is possible that I did not give it enough time, but the following thing happened erev shabbos:

Dh was helping me get ready for shabbos, and he did not notice ds sneak up behind him.... and bite him on his thigh. Dh gave a tremendous yelp, and I...and I...burst out laughing!
I am such a bad mother.
and bad wife.
oy.

You need to decide if you want him to stop or not, but telling him no sometimes and laughing others, no wonder he thinks it's funny, you're confirming to him that it is

happymom

Sun, Jun 29 2008, 9:30 pm

When my ds bites me, I look at him sternly and say "no biting!" Then I make him kiss the spot he bit me on and say "I'm sorry". We review that biting is a boo boo.

I dont see anything wrong with that . its also good to tell them what behavior we would like to see rather then bite them, hit them, or put soap in thier mouth which is totally wrong to me!

Last edited by happymom on Sun, Jun 29 2008, 9:42 pm; edited 1 time in total

mimivan

Sun, Jun 29 2008, 9:40 pm

That's okay (the kiss the spot you bit), but with my 22 month old and hitting (I make him give me "tova" after...and rub the spot he hit) it can become a game...he could hit and bite just to make up. He might be too young for time outs...I like happymom's ideas and other ideas on the thread (not the soap), but it depends on your parenting style, too. I think it is possible to be positive, but about some things, to be very firm and to use a firm tone without shouting...

whatever you do, make sure the biting is not reinforced in any way (excessive attention etc..) which is another issue I've had with "making up" because then he gets praises and kisses and wants to bite so he can make up again.

howeve,r Happymom's suggestion of praising him when he is about to bite and doesn't is on target.

allgood

Thu, Jul 10 2008, 8:07 pm

My daughter is now 21 months and she has started biting. I think this may be due to a build up of frustration and the inability of expressing herself. Usually you can see that a child is getting ready to bite and you can prevent it by pulling them away. If my daughter bites I tell her no very sternly and then try figuring out what it is that she wants.
Many children don't know how to express themself properly and biting is therefore common at this age. All of you with biting children hang in there. Just remember your children aren't doing it because they're bad and maybe therefore they shouldn't be punished in such harsh manners.