Desperately need a school bergen county ADHD

amother

Tue, Apr 25 2023, 5:14 pm

amother Diamond wrote:

No school will outright say the M word, but they can hint strongly enough that you know they would definitely like you to think along those lines.

I will say, as someone with multiple adhd kids, I am mostly happy with their school, but also kind of salty about how the adhd stuff was handled because it was frustrating and I felt the school could have done more on their end. In my case also, my kids are extremely bright, they don't have any learning issues, and the school almost didn't know what to do with that. They had all this help available for kids struggling to learn, but not for bright kids who struggle with executive functioning and such.

I find this to be the problem in general. There are many options for kids struggling with learning etc. But really nothing official out there for kids like you described your children. My son is the same, he's very bright no learning issues

amother

Tue, Apr 25 2023, 5:14 pm

amother Begonia wrote:

What grade is your son?
The kids learn Ivrit b’Ivrit, but very few are native speakers and speak Hebrew at home.

1st

jd1212

Tue, Apr 25 2023, 5:25 pm

There is a special education session in Washington heights specifically about special ed / behavior differences options for schools in NY/NJ. Tues May 2nd from 7:45-9:15 pm at Mount Sinai Jewish center. I can PM you the flyer if you PM me, it won’t let me attach it here.

amother

Tealblue

Wed, Apr 26 2023, 12:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

They speak Hebrew in class, correct? My child doesn't speak Hebrew, would that be a problem? How are the class sizes?

Class sizes are smaller than other schools, and the Hebrew is working out so far, I think they do translate sometimes.

amother

Mon, May 01 2023, 9:13 pm

amother Tealblue wrote:

Class sizes are smaller than other schools, and the Hebrew is working out so far, I think they do translate sometimes.

Thank you. How many classes do they have per grade? Is it coed thru 8th grade?

amother

NeonYellow

Mon, May 01 2023, 9:21 pm

I've been in Bergen County for 25 years and put 5 kids through the school system. Every school will take a child with ADHD and will make accommodations. If you think the schools don't have many kids with ADHD there already, I've got a bridge to sell you. There is one caveat though which applies to all the schools. Your child will need to be on medication, particularly if there are behavioral issues. That's across the board (in all schools) as well.

amother

Mon, May 01 2023, 9:35 pm

amother NeonYellow wrote:

I know all schools have kids with ADHD, but maybe those kids started out there and they're just allowing them to continue. I asked this question because I've had a few schools already say no to my child. So I was looking into which would be the most likely to accept him, regardless of the diagnosis.

amother

Cerise

Tue, May 02 2023, 1:35 pm

jd1212 wrote:

Can you please post the flyer. I wonder if there’s an option to join by zoom ?

amother

Wed, May 10 2023, 12:59 pm

I've looked into all the schools.
Some aren't accepting applications this late.
Most want you to commit to switching the whole family.
As of now only 1 of them seems to be willing to even look at my child.
Feeling very disheartened, doesn't look like my child will have a school come September

amother

Cerise

Wed, May 10 2023, 1:52 pm

amother OP wrote:

I’m so sorry. It is the MOST painful experience. The disillusionment that occurs realizing the Jewish nation that prides themselves in having love for all Am yisroel , open arms and non judgmental is ANYTHING like they claim to be! The frum school system is so disheartening. They spend millions of dollars on programs for kids at risk yet if they wouldn’t close doors on kids when their young (teaching them they aren’t accepted and have a place in frum school) they wouldn’t have to spend millions on trying to rehabilitate the damage caused to kids displaying their pain in adolescence and early adulthood. It is completely unacceptable. We are supposed to be an accepting, non judgmental nation. YET it’s the non Jewish public schools that accept everyone and are non judgmental. It’s completely an upside down world. What the schools are doing ti frum families is unacceptable. I have been trying to fight to change the system for years for schools ti truly be inclusive (as opposed to just saying so on their website…). It’s a difficult battle and I don’t see real change happening anytime soon. I’m sorry I wish I had something more encouraging ti tell you. The good thing is your son is very young and putting him in an alternative program is not the end of the world at this age. Try to find a program that is not completely geared for special need if you can. If that is all you can find aim for a class with high functioning children. At this age you can still facilitate his academic and social needs outside of school if you feel he is not maximizing his potential in his class environment. You can enroll him in after school sports/karate/building clubs. Arrange playdates with friends children of similar age and supplement his academics with online programs or tutors. I really feel for you. My son wasn’t understood or supported in his school and they actually heightened his anxiety and made his behaviors spiral. He was expelled last year and no other frum school will take him. He is 11yrs old and extremely bright and says all the time this would never have happened if we weren’t frum. At 11yrs old he realizes being frum has ruined his life and he has been saying since he was 10 (when he was expelled) that he is never going to be frum it ruins ppls lives. Unfortunately he is right. You can shield and protect your son from this painful reality at his age and find an alternative for him. The one thing I suggest is speaking with the school and saying be a there’s no slot for your son this year you have to enroll him in ———. Before you do so you want to make sure that won’t harm him from being accepted in future years. It makes me sick writing this, but unfortunately we live in a very judgmental society. Many schools will not accept kids who are coming from alternative programs. It is despicable , but I feel I need to state the reality so you ensure that doesn’t occur to you and don’t feel you ruined his future prospects . Hugs to you.

amother

Tealblue

Wed, May 10 2023, 2:52 pm

amother OP wrote:

It is very late in general, behavioral issues or not. Why not try the school willing to look at your child? Which school is it?

amother

Wed, May 10 2023, 3:35 pm

amother Tealblue wrote:

It is very late in general, behavioral issues or not. Why not try the school willing to look at your child? Which school is it?

I am trying, but its a process not a guaranteed acceptance. If that school says no after all screenings and interviews then we're all out of options. Plus I've been looking for a place for months

amother

Begonia

Wed, May 10 2023, 3:42 pm

It is very late, irrelevant of your child’s needs.
Look in to the school on the table. It might be a better fit than you first think.
Are you a Bergen County resident? Do you go to a local shul. Speak with the Rabbi, they all work together and will figure it out. It may not be your picking the school, but rather who has space/can meet his needs.
Was he in school last year? Did it not work out and now you need to switch or did you just move?
Additionally, have you considered TCA (Chabad in Tenafly)? I have a few MO friends who send there and some who teach there. They could not be happier.

It should be with mazel and bracha. Sometimes the best choice is not obvious, but then it becomes obvious that it was the best choice.

amother

Begonia

Wed, May 10 2023, 3:44 pm

Additionally, sometimes, if it is not strictly a space issue, they may be willing to take your child with a shadow. It is a crazy additional expense, but it might be an option.

amother

Wed, May 10 2023, 3:56 pm

amother Begonia wrote:

Additionally, sometimes, if it is not strictly a space issue, they may be willing to take your child with a shadow. It is a crazy additional expense, but it might be an option.

Most aren't space issues. They said they have space. It's more that they only want whole families and/or they don't want to take him

amother

Begonia

Wed, May 10 2023, 4:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

Most aren't space issues. They said they have space. It's more that they only want whole families and/or they don't want to take him

Can you not put him where your other kids are?
Can you move you other kids or upcoming kids?
I understand not wanting to uproot your other kids, but at the same time the schools don’t want to be the one for the challenging children while you consider yourself an other school family, send them all your award winning model children and contribute /sing praises/volunteer there.

amother

Wed, May 10 2023, 4:17 pm

amother Begonia wrote:

It's a bit more complicated than that. If it were so simple I'd gladly send all my kids. I have more challenging ones than model children

amother

Tealblue

Wed, May 10 2023, 5:29 pm

I get it- it’s hard to have out of the box kids. Your best bet is to work with the one school who wants to work with you.

amother

Cerise

Wed, May 10 2023, 6:36 pm

I’m not sure if you would or could consider moving. Often out of town communities do not have deadlines to apply. Many families apply in the summer (and sometimes even go mid year). I can’t promise they will have better support and understanding. Most likely they will accept your kids into their school but you would have to provide the extra support they need.

amother

Foxglove

Wed, May 10 2023, 7:42 pm

oot probably doesnt' have what you need. I have friends who moved from our OOT community to the tristate area for their kids school.