I think my son has executive dysfunction..now what?

amother

Wed, May 03 2023, 8:04 am

Hi all,

I've had this feeling for a while but my husband has kept convincing me over the years that my ds (10 yo) will grow out of it. But he's starting middle school next year and I really don't see how he's going to manage.

First off, he is very bright and well behaved in school. But his backpack, his locker, his room, are in a constant state of insanity. He gets distracted at the drop of a hat. Tell him to go brush his teeth and you'll find him wandering the hall with a Rubik's cube. Tell him we have to leave in 10 minutes and with 30 seconds to go he'll remember he has no socks and doesn't know where his shoes are. He gets very very mad when things don't go his way, and refuses to see other sides of the coin. I could go on, but my question really is- now what? What can I do to help him? Is there some kind of service/evaluation I should be doing? Is there a book I can read? I want him to succeed but these habits will only hinder that, and he's skated by in school so far but I don't want to wait until it gets harder and he can't keep up. Ty!

amother

Babypink

Wed, May 03 2023, 8:20 am

amother OP wrote:

sounds like my 6 yr old... no words following this thread

justforfun87

Wed, May 03 2023, 8:39 am

Executive functioning disorder as stated above. My sweetheart 11 year old has this side to side with ADD. He is medicated and works with an executive coach to learn routines for keeping locker clean/morning routine/homework routine. The first thing she worked on with him was a morning routine with a picture chart of 5 easy steps and gave him a gift card when he completed the task. If I remember it was get up, clothes, neger vasser, eat breakfast, pack snacks. Something like that. Once he did that for 30 days straight it became routine and he is my best morning kid.

amother

Maize

Wed, May 03 2023, 8:54 am

There are many people who may or may not know they have executive functioning challenges.

I was one of these people, who when your child's age in ~1990, I was off the charts academically but a mess organizationally.

There wasn't a name for it, etc. but ultimately I had to learn good organizational habits and figure out what worked for me. I was also fortunately to be in schools that in junior high really had a whole prescriptive organization for school textbooks and notebooks (by color), etc. and other things that kept a lot of seder for me to function well within because it was predictable.

Thankfully, today, there are a lot of resources and a name, for tips and tricks, etc in books and online, under the header of both executive functioning skills as well as ADHD tips, etc. (I don't have ADHD, but I'm probably on the spectrum--but I've been apparently masking well enough for long enough that no one would guess unless they really really know me, and even then they might be surprised.)

FWIW, despite my lifelong struggles with executive functioning, I've been successful academically, personally, and professionally. I know my strengths and weaknesses and I know what habits help me---which is true for anyone, we all have our ways and know what we do better or what we need to remind ourselves about etc etc etc.

I still get decision overload--I'm an organized person but clutter builds up because dispositioning things is a challenge, but I take care of it eventually (think every 4-6 weeks not necessarily daily) and I'm NOT a de facto hoarder.

Don't panic! Many folks struggle with this stuff, especially some of the most academically bright folks--because our heads are often in the "stuff" not in logistics by default.

amother

Wed, May 03 2023, 9:33 am

amother Maize wrote:

Ty for posting! Part of my concern is that his school really isn't on top of it at all. He's well behaved and gets through his tests well enough, and that's enough for them. None of the teachers have feelings to spare for his illegible handwriting, or poor organization, or general untidiness. So I'm realizing I will have to step up to figure out how to help him.

I'm so happy for you that you were able to learn these skills..my fear (if this is left unaddressed) is that he never will. I grew up with parents that never did and like you said, decades ago there was no name for it or resources at all so I grew up in a home where the bills were never paid on time, important documents were constantly misplaced, there was never clean laundry when you needed it, etc etc.

So it's encouraging to hear that there's hope he can learn to manage Smile

amother

Wed, May 03 2023, 9:34 am

justforfun87 wrote:

Wow sounds amazing. Is an executive coach like an OT that another poster mentioned?

amother

Maize

Wed, May 03 2023, 11:11 am

justforfun87 wrote:

This! My child with diagnosed ADHD still struggles but we started giving her examples of setting up routines, etc. and she's in HS now and has more and more of her own routines (whether she realizes it or not) set up to be successful in her day to day life. Her having the habit of setting her own routines, etc. and realizing she benefits from that and what she needs herself is a HUGE step for her lifelong success of managing her strengths and challenges.