S/o PSA if you are having guests who have a baby under 6 mon

amother

Sun, May 07 2023, 3:48 pm

If you are having guests and you know they had a baby within the past six month, assume there's a good possibility the baby will need to nurse. And make sure there's an appropriate place to do so.

- Signed someone who spent two nursing sessions that were 40 minutes each in a dark cold study Friday night with no light or company and it was so traumatic.

Bnei Berak 10

Sun, May 07 2023, 3:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why do your need company when you nurse?

amother

Lotus

Sun, May 07 2023, 3:57 pm

Hm. Maybe if you have a nursing infant that young you should stay home?

Where do you suggest your hostess set up a nursing station? In her bedroom? In her children's bedroom? In the kitchen? Surely not in the dining room? And what do you mean by"no company?" Are you really suggesting that the hostess should abandon her other guests and family to hold your hand while you nurse?

amother

Ballota

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:01 pm

amother Lotus wrote:

Maybe you could have found a nicer way to say the bolded? At the very least there could be a non bathroom place to nurse with some light.

But- OP, the impetus is on both sides really. No one will assume you need accommodations unless you tell them. Not everyone nurses. And you have to decide whether to accept an invitation based on whether it works for you. I never get through a Shabbos meal without nursing a newbie. It’s not so conducive to socializing.

Rappel

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:01 pm

amother Lotus wrote:

Where do you suggest your hostess set up a nursing station? In her bedroom? In her children's bedroom? In the kitchen? Surely not in the dining room? And what do you mean by"no company?" Are you really suggesting that the hostess should abandon her other guests and family to hold your hand while you nurse?

Well, maybe somewhere that isn't cold?

I usually invite people to use my bedroom, so they can be comfortable while they nurse, and have a mirror to put themselves in order afterwards.

OP - you might want to invest in a cotton poncho-style nursing cover. The all-around cover makes it safe for you to settle somewhere like the living room and do what you need to do.

Last edited by Rappel on Sun, May 07 2023, 5:33 pm; edited 2 times in total

NechaMom

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:02 pm

I understand your need for light when you nurse. But please cut your hostess some slack.
She was so busy preparing your food she didn’t think of setting up a nursing station.
Why don’t you tell her when you accept the invite that you have a nursing infant so you just want to make sure you’ll have a place to nurse and you prefer it well lit?
What do you mean by company? I’m not sure what you expect your hostess to do two times for 40 minutes?

amother

Ballota

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:02 pm

amother Milk wrote:

I'm so confused. Don't people go back to the room they are sleeping in to nurse?

Not if you’re only invited for a meal.

NechaMom

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:03 pm

amother Milk wrote:

I'm so confused. Don't people go back to the room they are sleeping in to nurse?

She must mean guest for the meal only, not sleepover.

amother

Fern

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:06 pm

PSA- you can communicate directly with hosts!

I've nursed and I've hosted and I've learned that when you go out with kids you either need to go with the glow, or be clear about your needs in advance. I've had to nurse in some less than ideal spaces but that's life. How would your host know what you need in advance unless you tell them?

And traumatic?? Sounds like you're being a little melodramatic. You spent less than two hours of your life in a situation where you felt uncomfortable. Feel free to go for therapy if you really need help processing this "trauma".

amother

DarkPurple

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:06 pm

Another psa. If you are hosting guest with a baby, please make sure you have a bassinet or crib for the baby.
Don't assume they brought along a stroller. Ask or discuss.

My mil didn't prepare anything for my baby the first time I came. Bh I came with a stroller and not a car seat.
She later purchased a pack n play but when I came with my next new baby we confirmed that there will be someplace to put the baby down.

amother

Olive

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:08 pm

I gotta be honest. I don’t nurse so nursing isn’t on my radar. We also have a tiny apartment and hosting stretches us quite a bit. I’m now feeling very very bad about the friend (going back 8 years) who I think sat on my bed because there was no other private space. H if you’re seeing this, I’m sorry.

amother

Brass

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:10 pm

I’m going to be DLKZ for OP and assume they were invited for Friday night meal and arrived after Shabbos had started. In which case one could say it would have been nice to leave a light on in the den.

Even if that was the case, I would say more than a PSA for hostesses, this should be a lesson learned for OP that if you’re invited for a meal, it’s really on you to ask the host to please leave a light or Shabbos lamp on in a private area for nursing IF POSSIBLE

amother

Fern

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:11 pm

amother DarkPurple wrote:

Psa- if you are traveling with a baby, it's your job to make sure you have what you need. Ask if you need to bring a pack n play, or if they have one. Don't blame others for not asking you what you plan on packing.

amother

Stone

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:13 pm

amother DarkPurple wrote:

This is beyond sorry. I always bring what I need. It is not on your host to provide for your baby. Baby gear is expensive you can't expect them to have anything.

amother

Trillium

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:15 pm

I would always invite a guest to either use the living room (separate from the dining room so not visible by others) or they can go upstairs and use any of the children's bedrooms. One of my sil will only nurse lying down, so she'll use one of the kid's beds when she comes. I don't mind.
Although when the shoe's on the other foot, I would usually take along a bottle when we're guests. I mix feed for this sort of purpose. I like knowing when I go out I can just give a bottle, and it also means someone else can just give a bottle so this tiny infant isn't solely reliant on me and I can never leave them.
I think it's important to be flexible on both sides.

amother

Sun, May 07 2023, 4:15 pm

amother Olive wrote:

A bedroom is fine. There's generally a shabbos light or something there and it's not freezing cold.