S/o PSA if you are having guests who have a baby under 6 mon

amother

Ballota

Sun, May 07 2023, 11:13 pm

amother Oak wrote:

Amazing I nursed all my kids for 18 months+ and seemed to manage. Slip on a nursing pad. Close your bra. It stops in a minute. Pat/burp the baby and as soon as they are done they will latch on again.
You are making problems where there don’t need to be any.

That’s cute. I have also nursed 7+ kids for 20+ months each. And getting kicked out of a bathroom so someone else can use it while interrupting my baby’s feeding for an indeterminate length of time is more significant than your pooh-poohing makes it out to be.

amother

Hyacinth

Mon, May 08 2023, 12:31 am

For what it's worth, my very frum bubbies said that in Europe, women nursed their babies at the shabbos table, and that was that.

If you're eating in the dining room, it's no big deal to sit in the living room, facing away from everyone for privacy. Nursing isn't disgusting or shameful. If you disappear for a long time, everyone knows what you're doing, anyhow.

Nursing isn't the kind of bodily function that needs to happen in a bathroom. Not to mention that there's nowhere comfortable to sit.

OP, you had an unpleasant nursing experience. It happens. Your anxiety is troubling and I hope you're getting good help for it.

Frumme

Mon, May 08 2023, 12:58 am

amother Hyacinth wrote:

This!

I would invest in a good, full coverage nursing cover like someone mentioned. There's a 360 one on Amazon I think, made by a frum woman. Until then you can use nursing dresses or wear a tank top under your shirt to cover your midriff. And like hyacinth mentioned, you can still be "near" the action but not at the table, like on the couch in the next room or on a chair in the playroom. I would not advise nursing in a bathroom.

imaima

Mon, May 08 2023, 1:08 am

bebrave wrote:

Also really don't understand those who are offering nursing advice on how op shouldn't be nursing that long each time! op didn't ask your advice on that matter as far as I'm aware and she seems to be quite knowledgeable about her baby's needs:)

So she shouldn’t be complaining about things that were so easy to fix.
She is not asking any advice, she expects people to accommodate her private situation as if it applies to everyone! No it doesn’t. Many people nurse for less time, don’t mind the dark, give bottles.
Also, the first 40 min I get, but you could have done smth to prevent the second 40 minutes.

WhatFor

Mon, May 08 2023, 1:32 am

Op, are you seeing someone about your anxiety? Please please take care of yourself. I know you wrote you had it from before birth but childbirth can exacerbate any mental health issue, and when you're in the thick of it you might not realize. It's so important to take care of your mental health.

You deserve it for yourself alone, but if that's not motivating enough for you right now, it'll enable you to be a better parent for your baby. This should be at the very top of your priority list right now.

amother

Mon, May 08 2023, 1:40 am

DVOM wrote:

Oh op...I feel for you!

I can just picture myself getting into a situation like this. I love company, and I really crave having (safe, loving, understanding) people around me after I give birth. I would totally have rushed into being a guest with a 3 month old. I wouldn't have anticipated how hard feedings would be away from home. I would not have been happy to sit alone in the cold and dark for 40 minutes, twice. I would have been fretting the whole time about being rude to my hostess, would have felt isolated and sad.

OP, trauma comes from a feeling of helplessness. You can think and feel about what happened here differently if you look back and realize how many choices you had, how powerful you really are.

You could have said no to the invitation and stayed in the (boring but) light and warm comfort of your own home. You could have bought a nursing poncho, taught yourself how to use it, and sat in the living room or any other public space to nurse. You could have told your hostess in advance that the baby nurses frequently and long, before you accept the invitation, would your hostess be able to give you a place to nurse? You could have said, in the moment, I'm not comfortable nursing in the dark, is there another place for me to nurse? You could have said, I'm getting uncomfortable in the dark, and asked your husband to stay with you. And if you were truly stuck, and if there was no other place to nurse than the dark cold basement study, and your husband couldn't be with you, you could have asked for a throw blanket or a sweater, closed your eyes, and remembered that you weren't alone. You had your baby with you, and you could have used that time to focus mindfully on your beautiful baby, the sound of his breathing, his weight, his smell, his soft skin and hair, the incredible miricle of him, and actually enjoyed that dark and quiet time.

So there were lots and lots of choices that landed you in that cold, dark room. The good thing about focusing on your own choices is how powerful it makes you. You never have to be stuck nursing in a room like that ever again. Your really powerful op! You can make other choices! You can do this, little mama!

Thank you so much for helping me reframe this so I look back and I'm not as bitter and angry and panicy. As I mentioned in other posts not all of these are options. But now I know to be prepared and proactive so this never happens again

Thank you for your empathy and understanding.

amother

Mon, May 08 2023, 1:46 am

Frumme wrote:

Can someone reccomend one that's works for bigger breasts and bodies? Also I have to hold the breast for baby and reposition alot because if I don't hold it back he won't be able to breathe because my breasts will cover his nose. So I'd need something I can see what's going on and reposition without putting my whole head underneath.

Iymnok

Mon, May 08 2023, 2:42 am

amother OP wrote:

You should see a nursing consultant for positioning. Your baby is past the newborn stage, so it shouldn’t be such an issue anymore.
The cover that I want is on Amazon as a car seat cover. It’s stretchy, and is basically a skirt shape. I found it worked well by my last baby. If it’s too small for you, they are very easy to sew, so have a seamstress sew you a slightly larger one.
It’s not a good feeling to feel tied to your home due to a nursing baby for months on end.

Rappel

Mon, May 08 2023, 3:11 am

amother OP wrote:

I do pop my head in to adjust (I totally get the breathing thing, same problem here), and I use two hands until they grow. Then I use a spare two fingers to hold the cloth, pop my head out, and we're set.

If you have a bigger body, I would recommend making a nursing poncho over buying, unless someone here has a link to a really good wide one. The links I've seen always seemed narrower than I liked.

You basically want a circle skirt that you can put on your shoulders, and it reaches to your hips.

In the past, I bought a cheap cotton peasant skirt and I shortened it to the length I needed. But really, anything like a cotton skater skirt should do the trick.

amother

Almond

Mon, May 08 2023, 3:44 am

DVOM wrote:

Just want to say that this is such a great post.
Real empathy, but at the end of the day we can only control our responses. Even with all the PSA's in the world you won't cover every difficult situation. People are different and have different needs, lower your expectations of people and take control of your own responses.

amother

Trillium

Mon, May 08 2023, 4:59 am

amother OP wrote:

I got a cover as a baby gift and it was one of the best and most used gifts. It has a hoop around the top to allow me to see baby as they are nursing and provides good coverage.

It's similar to this.
https://www.amazon.com/Milky-C.....ss_tl

Elfrida

Mon, May 08 2023, 8:16 am

Iymnok wrote:

It’s not though.
Try one on, better yet, have someone else try one on and walk around her to get an idea of what you could see from all directions.

It can be. I was in a bus once, staring into the air and not thinking of anything much. Suddenly I realised that the woman in front of me was nursing using a cover, and from my raised seat behind her, I had a perfect view into the nursing cover of what she was doing. Obviously, as soon as I realised, I looked away, but it can happen by accident.

amother

DarkViolet

Mon, May 08 2023, 9:41 am

Another option if you’re like me and don’t want to wear a tent to nurse, is to get a ring sling , and a nursing top (will link both below), and position your baby in a way that lets you nurse without anyone even noticing. This requires at home practice before doing it outside. I’m also a super plus size girl so I do understand the struggle.

These ring slings are particularly amazing

https://wildbird.co/collections/modal

And a top like this (or google plus size nursing top) where the top has a slit you can pick up discreetly and no one sees your stomach

https://www.amazon.com/MONNURO.....=8-19