Rich kids | Imamother

justforfun87

Sun, May 21 2023, 1:03 am

I'm hosting a sleepover and there are two wealthy girls who are sisters (ages 7&9) saying ewwwww to our bathroom and how our house looks. This isn't the first time I overhead this from wealthy children. Granted we are maybe a bit messy and nothing is updated but I run in those circles so it seems fine to me. I don't want my kids to feel bad obviously. Part of me wants to avoid these sorts of interactions and just keep my kids away from this mentality. Already as an adult I have this complex about my house.

It really annoys me though when my kids apologize for a messy house. Should I just avoid letting my kids play with wealthy kids?

amother

Purple

Sun, May 21 2023, 1:06 am

That would get me so angry. I'd have to bite my tongue to keep myself from embarrassing my kids by marching right over to the spoiled brats and telling them they're welcome to leave if it's so disgusting, and I can call their parents right away to come pick them up.

Seriously? They're saying "ewww" out loud to their hosts' bathroom? Which kid does that?

amother

Tangerine

Sun, May 21 2023, 1:06 am

I was a wealthy kid and I would never act that way. I don’t think this is a wealthy kid issue it’s a lack of middos issue in this family. I would stop having those specific kids.

amother

Plum

Sun, May 21 2023, 1:07 am

There are certain kids that I don't allow my kids to invite for this reason. It is crazy that such little kids make fun of others homes. It's a display of bad chinuch that doesn't necessarily have to do with being rich.
My daughters classmate that behaves like this, her mother is exactly the same way. Always talking and boasting about their home and saying how disgusting old homes are.

amother

Lilac

Sun, May 21 2023, 1:08 am

Being rich is not an excuse to be rude. You don’t walk around someone’s house says eeeww no matter how much money your parents earn. I would encourage my children to befriend kids with middos and stay away from such kids.

familyfirst

Sun, May 21 2023, 2:43 am

Op- you need to ask yourself an honest question-
Is the bathroom ew because it’s old or because it’s messy?

You may not be able to fix old but you can fix messy. And if you’re inviting kids over for a sleepover, it’s something to consider Especially since kids are getting older.

If the problem is cuz it’s old- then don’t invite those kids again. Find friends who aren’t judgmental and have similar values

effess

Sun, May 21 2023, 2:49 am

I think it’s perfectly appropriate to tell kids, “ in this house we try to speak kindly, can you follow our house rules?”

It has nothing to do with rich or not.

Bnei Berak 10

Sun, May 21 2023, 3:37 am

effess wrote:

I think it’s perfectly appropriate to tell kids, “ in this house we try to speak kindly, can you follow our house rules?”

It has nothing to do with rich or not.

This

lamplighter

Sun, May 21 2023, 8:01 am

Here to remind everyone of that thread from last week someone posted about her ASD kids.

We need to move away from the narrative that kids who say rude things reflect bad chinuch or rude parents. Children are their own people and ND kids often do not have a filter. I'm not saying these kids are ND, I'm saying the thread is very parent blaming and there are so many dedicated mothers who are being hurt by this type of judgemental narrative. Let's focus on the behavior and address behavior not who's fault it is.

Ok now back to the messy house discussion. I think commenting straight to the child is appropriate and sends a message to both the commentor and your own child. In this house we say nice things and that is not a nice thing to say.

nelliesmellie

Sun, May 21 2023, 8:06 am

There’s a difference between your house being older and not updated and being dirty and unpleasant. If your kids need to apologize for the state of it because it’s dirty and unkempt, this is on you. This does not excuse the kid’s comment, but you need to take a good look at ant the situation and not put your kids in an embarrassing predicament if you can help it. I’ve been in plenty of older non updated homes that are clean and tidy and pleasant.

amother

Coral

Sun, May 21 2023, 8:14 am

I can so see my son saying such a thing, we are neither rich nor live in a new house... he's bh a healthy kid that has a reactive personality so there is no filter to his actions and words. We try working on it and teaching him how to just be. But sometimes it's just a personality.
To compare my other kids r perfect guests, would never make such comments, would compliment ur food even if they don't like it...

amother

Nasturtium

Sun, May 21 2023, 9:08 am

Kids are kids and if the bathroom is messy / dirty and their home are clean , it’s not a nice thing for them . When you have people over , no matter children or adults there are certain standards to keep… kids at that age aren’t able to filter what they say. It’s got nothing to do with money. We do carpool and some cars are always dirty smelly ect and kids get comments , because the other kids find it very unpleasant to seat on old wrapping , dirty tissues , smudge food ect. It’s also not Derech Eretz for others to put them in these situations..

amother

Dahlia

Sun, May 21 2023, 9:12 am

amother Tangerine wrote:

I was a wealthy kid and I would never act that way. I don’t think this is a wealthy kid issue it’s a lack of middos issue in this family. I would stop having those specific kids.

Or kids with no filter who still need to learn lots of social skills. 7 & 9 is young to blame on parents bad middos. I consider myself very nice & caring & we're definitely not spoiled, but the things that come out of my 7yo's mouth Hiding

amother

Candycane

Sun, May 21 2023, 9:39 am

I agree with other posters that you can say something to the kids making the comments in the moment, and that it has nothing to do with being from money.

But I think OP needs to clarify because the situation is different if it’s an old house or a messy house. If the house is messy and that’s what’s causing the reaction, then you need to make a change. I grew up in a very messy house, and while my friends never made comments, I was constantly embarrassed and eventually stopped having people over. It really affected my life in a lot of ways. I don’t think it’s fair to your kids to be living in a messy situation, and if they are feeling embarrassed in front of friends that isn’t their friends fault.

tichellady

Sun, May 21 2023, 10:17 am

kids can say terrible things and have the sweetest parents. in this case I think this is something the op is especially sensitive about so it's more painful. but really doesn't mean their parents speak poorly of other people. it means they are noticing a difference and don't have a filter to keep it to themselves

I would talk to your kids about it after and also in advance of next time and see how they feel about it. they shouldn't need to apologize, they can learn to say " this is our house, and we love it, etc, it may look different than your house but that's ok. it would be so boring if we all had the same exact house etc"

amother

Steelblue

Sun, May 21 2023, 10:20 am

Yikes. The responses hear branding these kids are cruel and horrible are so painful to hear. They're kids, they need to be taught, not name called. My kids aren't perfect, I can imagine some have said some pretty socially unacceptable things to people outside my presence, but that doesn't mean they're spoiled and cruel, they just haven't developed a filter yet.

Bnei Berak 10

Sun, May 21 2023, 3:01 pm

lamplighter wrote:

AFAIK the majority don't have ND issues.