Help me with my newborn

amother

Mon, May 22 2023, 11:24 pm

amother Aconite wrote:

Just keep feeding if baby wants to. Burp then try to latch back on or Offer other side.

Like I said before wouldn't that keep him snacking all day without ever getting fully full ?

amother

Aconite

Mon, May 22 2023, 11:25 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ok I hear what you're all saying about bad habits
But also
It kind of hurts my back and it doesn't even always help
So still open to more ideas
Baby also seems very stiff and nervous all the time if that's a clue

Does baby arch their back? Like what do you mean by stiff?

amother

Aconite

Mon, May 22 2023, 11:26 pm

amother OP wrote:

Like I said before wouldn't that keep him snacking all day without ever getting fully full ?

No. Not at this age. How often are you nursing?

amother

Magenta

Mon, May 22 2023, 11:33 pm

If contact napping is working keep doing that. You can worry about building good sleeping habits at 3-4 months old or even later.

I don’t love that he seems nervous and stiff all the time. It’s more than a clue. Something is bothering him. I feel like a few sessions of cranio sacral therapy could really help him. Was his birth traumatic by any chance?

amother

Moonstone

Mon, May 22 2023, 11:40 pm

OP, is this your first baby?

Chana Miriam S

Mon, May 22 2023, 11:48 pm

[quote="amother OP"]

Chana Miriam S wrote:

Try feeding your baby proactively. A baby who already starts crying is way harder to settle. Best advice I ever got was just to stick the baby on my breast every time he opened his mouth. Feed on demand, not a schedule and hopefully you’ll get ahead of the crying. How’s the baby’s weight gain?[/quote
But then baby is just snacking and never getting full meals
That's a also a last resort for me
To clarify my last resorts are after my patience runs out after a total of approximately 120 seconds

You didn’t answer about weight gain.

You’re mistaken about the snacking. It’s how you establish supply and get the baby full.

amother

NeonGreen

Mon, May 22 2023, 11:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

The crying drives me mad
I think baby is overtired most of the time but is so difficult to get to sleep
Help me troubleshoot and see what might be the issue

Sounds like baby is hungry. A contently nursed newborn falls asleep on the breast at the end of a feed.

amother

NeonGreen

Mon, May 22 2023, 11:53 pm

[quote="amother OP"]

Chana Miriam S wrote:

Baby should be nursing very frequently at this age. Snacking is great. Your baby sounds hungry from what you describe. You should be demand feeding and you can nurse to soothe and comfort baby.

amother

NeonGreen

Mon, May 22 2023, 11:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

Like I said before wouldn't that keep him snacking all day without ever getting fully full ?

Op, learn about demand feeding. Your baby is crying you should be offering the breast to them. How often are you feeding baby?

Also Op at this age it’s very simple to get baby to
sleep. Just breastfeed them to sleep. A newborn should be held a lot and nursed a lot. That’s the trick to a happy baby in most cases.

mushkamothers

Tue, May 23 2023, 12:23 am

amother OP wrote:

Tongue tie (or lip or cheek tie) causes stiffness
There's no such thing as bad habits, or "snacking", with a newborn.

amother

Obsidian

Tue, May 23 2023, 2:55 am

I'm sorry that you are experiencing such a hardship!
With my last baby I had similar, and I want to remind you that in 2 month time he will be calmer and easier!!

With me it was because of trapped air, because my milk came in too quickly and I overfed him. He had to gulp down and swallowed a lot of air. he would tense his stomach and cry a lot.

When my let-down got a bit more calm, about when I went to the mikva, he got much better.

The other thing I can think of is that you should have some mantra sentences.

"you are in pain, but mommy is calm"
"Yes baby, I know it hurts, but mommy is calm"

etc

Babies get scared when you feel overwhelmed, incapable, annoyed and angry and they will cry more. If you can stay calmed and hold the baby tight, you'll calm him down and make him feel safe.

If it's too much for you, rather leave the baby to cry than yell and shake!! You don't sound like the type to do so, but I am saying it because frustration can do a lot to a new mother!!

Mazal tov on your newborn, (s)he should give you a sach nachas and be a bracha for all of klal Israel!!

Chickensoupprof

Tue, May 23 2023, 3:05 am

Didn’t read the whole thread and my baby didn’t cry much but when he did, skin to skin helped. So the baby should wear only his hat and a diaper you put your bra out the baby is on your chest and you put his blanket over it and you lay there for 30 minutes my baby was soothed very fast

mammale

Tue, May 23 2023, 4:08 am

The stiffness, is probably because baby is tired.
Op, are you familiar with your baby's hunger and sleepy cues?

amother

Outerspace

Tue, May 23 2023, 4:14 am

OP, babies are so yummy but they can be hard work too! Have you thought of speaking with a lactation consultant, to see if there are feeding issues?

WitchKitty

Tue, May 23 2023, 5:42 am

I wish I could come hold your baby for a few hours so you can get some sleep...
I don't know why he's crying- there have been a few good ideas to check out here- but what do you mean by stiff? That was the only thing that sounded familiar to me.
My baby was always kind of 'holding' himself, like as if he had high muscle tone but he didn't actually have high muscle tone. He would also cry and cry and even though I have lots of experience with babies, nothing helped. He had a tongue and lip tie (snipped) and lots of birth trauma which probably caused it.
Craniosacral can help a lot with unexplained crying. I wish I knew that then.

scintilla

Tue, May 23 2023, 7:22 am

amother Magenta wrote:

Seconding all of this. Can't recommend craniosacral therapy! Didn't recognize my stiff tense babies afterwards.

amother

Heather

Tue, May 23 2023, 7:59 am

First off, how are you coping? Please make sure to take time for yourself. When he cries and you feel like you’re losing it go to another room and leave him safely in his crib. If possible, get someone to take him out, even if it’s only for a few minutes so you get a break from crying.

Having said that, I had a kid that cried and cried and cried and cried for 6 months straight. He cried when he was held, cried when he was put down. Cried when he ate, cried before and after burps. Actually swap the world cried with hollered. To the point that even when he was miraculously quiet for a minutes or two I still heard the crying in my ears. Oh and let’s not forget - he didn’t take a pacifier…

After 6 months I had an aha moment that the kid is so so so tired. All he did all day and all night was eat and cry. I tried sleep training him - it was hard leaving him in his crib (no rocking, singing, or anything just covered him and told him good night every few minutes) however I knew in my hand he also cries so it didn’t matter much. That first night he cried for over 2 hours and fell asleep. For the first time he slept through the night. I felt horrible that he cried himself to sleep and was so exhausted that he slept through. Up until that point a 2 hr stretch was amazing. The next night he fell asleep in 2 minutes. The next morning when he woke up he emailed for the first time. I’m tearing up writing this because it’s all coming back to me. I put him on a strict nap/feeding/night schedule. He became a different child. Ever since then he’s the happiest smiliest kid.

At some point I realized it really did make sense. There’s a reason sleep deprivation is a form of torture (think yourself and baby - both of you are going through this). In addition someone pointed out to me that it’s very painful for a baby to be over-fed. With fussy babies ppl constantly ask if they’re hungry they’re usually tired or in need of a burp.

Regarding food sensitivities - it’s usually genetic. If none of your other kids/siblings/in laws have it, it’s highly unlikely your baby will.

Last but not least, do not forget that you’re also a person. Nonstop crying can seriously affect your mental health. Make sure you’re eating and rested. If you can afford it, take a night nurse even just once a week so you can have one good night a week. Accept help if anyone is offering. Be open about your feelings to your husband and most importantly yourself.

Good luck!!! Hope this stage passes quickly!!

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:44 am

amother Aconite wrote:

Does baby arch their back? Like what do you mean by stiff?

Yes and holds muscle tight, doesn't like position changes and has that newborn reflex very strong

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:46 am

amother Aconite wrote:

No. Not at this age. How often are you nursing?

Often I don't think that's the problem
but he does seem to eat more efficiently when he wakes up after a nice nap and I know he's actually hungry then when I just feed him because I don't know what else to do

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:48 am

amother Magenta wrote:

Dr. Used the vacuum is that traumatic?
He needed a few hours in the NICU
That was probably more traumatic
But that's the only thing he'll know to do for months what about when I need to go somewhere or do something but he'll only sleep on me??