Help me with my newborn

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants

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amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:50 am

amother Moonstone wrote:

OP, is this your first baby?

No, although sure sounds like it
My others were the easy peezy newborns everyone wishes for or at least from what I remember but I tend to forget hard times

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:51 am

Chana Miriam S wrote:

You didn’t answer about weight gain.

You’re mistaken about the snacking. It’s how you establish supply and get the baby full.

He gained 2 pounds in his first month
See what I wrote above about snacking

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:52 am

amother NeonGreen wrote:

Sounds like baby is hungry. A contently nursed newborn falls asleep on the breast at the end of a feed.

He does, but cries when I put him down

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:55 am

mushkamothers wrote:

Tongue tie (or lip or cheek tie) causes stiffness
There's no such thing as bad habits, or "snacking", with a newborn.

Does no one agree with me about snacking? I really think he eats better when he's actually hungry and not when he's just tired
Doctor didn't mention anything but something I've learnt from imamother is that doctors are not well versed in tongue ties but who else can I ask?

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:58 am

amother Obsidian wrote:

I'm sorry that you are experiencing such a hardship!
With my last baby I had similar, and I want to remind you that in 2 month time he will be calmer and easier!!

With me it was because of trapped air, because my milk came in too quickly and I overfed him. He had to gulp down and swallowed a lot of air. he would tense his stomach and cry a lot.

When my let-down got a bit more calm, about when I went to the mikva, he got much better.

The other thing I can think of is that you should have some mantra sentences.

"you are in pain, but mommy is calm"
"Yes baby, I know it hurts, but mommy is calm"

etc

Babies get scared when you feel overwhelmed, incapable, annoyed and angry and they will cry more. If you can stay calmed and hold the baby tight, you'll calm him down and make him feel safe.

If it's too much for you, rather leave the baby to cry than yell and shake!! You don't sound like the type to do so, but I am saying it because frustration can do a lot to a new mother!!

Mazal tov on your newborn, (s)he should give you a sach nachas and be a bracha for all of klal Israel!!

Omein ty!
I actually find myself getting angry at him for crying so much which makes no sense of course but I have left him in a safe place and left the room to calm down for a minute when I really felt myself getting angry

amother

Azure

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:59 am

Do you burp him after every feed?

I second the lactation consultant ASAP. Even experienced moms can need to see one, I sure did. Each baby is different.

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:59 am

mammale wrote:

The stiffness, is probably because baby is tired.
Op, are you familiar with your baby's hunger and sleepy cues?

He's still newborn he's tired not long after he wakes up I just can't figure out how to get him to sleep I try everything I can think of until eventually something works but it can take hours sometimes

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:03 am

WitchKitty wrote:

I wish I could come hold your baby for a few hours so you can get some sleep...
I don't know why he's crying- there have been a few good ideas to check out here- but what do you mean by stiff? That was the only thing that sounded familiar to me.
My baby was always kind of 'holding' himself, like as if he had high muscle tone but he didn't actually have high muscle tone. He would also cry and cry and even though I have lots of experience with babies, nothing helped. He had a tongue and lip tie (snipped) and lots of birth trauma which probably caused it.
Craniosacral can help a lot with unexplained crying. I wish I knew that then.

Thank you
Tongue tie and craniosacral should be my next steps it seems
I don't live in a typical frum community, I don't know how popular these things are here

amother

Aconite

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:04 am

amother OP wrote:

Do you swaddle? Use a sound machine?

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:05 am

amother Heather wrote:

First off, how are you coping? Please make sure to take time for yourself. When he cries and you feel like you’re losing it go to another room and leave him safely in his crib. If possible, get someone to take him out, even if it’s only for a few minutes so you get a break from crying.

Having said that, I had a kid that cried and cried and cried and cried for 6 months straight. He cried when he was held, cried when he was put down. Cried when he ate, cried before and after burps. Actually swap the world cried with hollered. To the point that even when he was miraculously quiet for a minutes or two I still heard the crying in my ears. Oh and let’s not forget - he didn’t take a pacifier…

After 6 months I had an aha moment that the kid is so so so tired. All he did all day and all night was eat and cry. I tried sleep training him - it was hard leaving him in his crib (no rocking, singing, or anything just covered him and told him good night every few minutes) however I knew in my hand he also cries so it didn’t matter much. That first night he cried for over 2 hours and fell asleep. For the first time he slept through the night. I felt horrible that he cried himself to sleep and was so exhausted that he slept through. Up until that point a 2 hr stretch was amazing. The next night he fell asleep in 2 minutes. The next morning when he woke up he emailed for the first time. I’m tearing up writing this because it’s all coming back to me. I put him on a strict nap/feeding/night schedule. He became a different child. Ever since then he’s the happiest smiliest kid.

At some point I realized it really did make sense. There’s a reason sleep deprivation is a form of torture (think yourself and baby - both of you are going through this). In addition someone pointed out to me that it’s very painful for a baby to be over-fed. With fussy babies ppl constantly ask if they’re hungry they’re usually tired or in need of a burp.

Regarding food sensitivities - it’s usually genetic. If none of your other kids/siblings/in laws have it, it’s highly unlikely your baby will.

Last but not least, do not forget that you’re also a person. Nonstop crying can seriously affect your mental health. Make sure you’re eating and rested. If you can afford it, take a night nurse even just once a week so you can have one good night a week. Accept help if anyone is offering. Be open about your feelings to your husband and most importantly yourself.

Good luck!!! Hope this stage passes quickly!!

I appreciate this. Ty!
You're saying it's painful to overfeed but everyone is saying to just always feed

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:06 am

amother Azure wrote:

Do you burp him after every feed?

I second the lactation consultant ASAP. Even experienced moms can need to see one, I sure did. Each baby is different.

Yes
but the problem seems to be with sleeping not eating...

amother

Azure

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:07 am

amother OP wrote:

Yes
but the problem seems to be with sleeping not eating...

Not necessarily. A LC will observe you and the baby and help you figure out what's going on. No one here can really tell without observation.

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:07 am

amother Aconite wrote:

Do you swaddle? Use a sound machine?

Sometimes and sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't

amother

Aconite

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:09 am

amother OP wrote:

Yes
but the problem seems to be with sleeping not eating...

Good eating leads to good sleeping and vice versa

amother

Azure

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:13 am

BTW if you're in the US, the WIC program used to have free lactation consultants. I don't know whether they still do, or if you can get it in other countries through some other government program.

scintilla

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:27 am

amother OP wrote:

I appreciate this. Ty!
You're saying it's painful to overfeed but everyone is saying to just always feed

I also agree that it can be painful to overfeed. But it's so hard to tell with such a little baby if they're really getting a good feed or not. There can be so many factors.

With what you said above about forceps, NICU and the stiffness, I think there definitely could be some birth trauma (don't be scared of the word, it doesn't mean it'll follow him his whole life) and tongue tie is sounding more likely.

Are there people near you that you can ask for someone who's experienced with tongue tie, or for craniosacral recommendations?

In the meantime I would, for your sanity and his, try forget everything that you did re habits with your other kids and just try keep him close to you as much as you can, it sounds like he really needs it. At the same time don't feel guilty if you do need to step away. Btdt I know how overwhelming this kind of baby is - I had it twice and the second time was so much easier than the first even though the crying was worse because I knew it would pass and I knew what to do to help it.

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:31 am

scintilla wrote:

This is so encouraging and helpful. Thank you

amother

Amethyst

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:44 am

The stiffness, difficult position changes, etc you describe should be checked out by the pediatrician. Definitelu go to rule out an underlying problem that is cobtributing to the stiffness and the crying.

Also, infant crying peaks at 6 weeks from the due date - if your baby is 5 weeks old, you probably aren't too far off, so hang in there! There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Try this position when baby is crying https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=.....GQ%3D

amother

Yarrow

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:47 am

I find that your mood really effects babys. if your anxious and just want baby to go to sleep already then baby cries more but if your calm then baby calms down faster. Also squats really helps baby calm down. hold and bend up down up down

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:53 am

amother Amethyst wrote:

I will try that position, thank you

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