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-> Parenting our children
-> Toddlers
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amother
NeonPink
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 Tue, May 23 2023, 12:38 pm
| weasley wrote: | | A 5 year old is not a toddler! Definitely discuss with him/her exactly what's going to happen whilst your away and that you will be back! |
Was just about to write this, a 5 year old is definitely not a toddler, and even the 3 year old is aging out of the term.
I would strongly suggest you take them to spend some time at sil house, and stay with them there for an hour or two (on multiple occasions). That way they will feel more comfortable there and increase the chances of less emotional distress when they go.
Definitely talk to them about it and the story/book a previous poster suggested was excellent, it's called a social story. Put one sentence on a page, and draw illustrations for each page. It's very reassuring for them.
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ddmom
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Tue, May 23 2023, 12:52 pm
| amother NeonPink wrote: | Was just about to write this, a 5 year old is definitely not a toddler, and even the 3 year old is aging out of the term.
I would strongly suggest you take them to spend some time at sil house, and stay with them there for an hour or two (on multiple occasions). That way they will feel more comfortable there and increase the chances of less emotional distress when they go.
Definitely talk to them about it and the story/book a previous poster suggested was excellent, it's called a social story. Put one sentence on a page, and draw illustrations for each page. It's very reassuring for them. |
This! The bolded especially!!!
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amother
OP
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Tue, May 23 2023, 12:57 pm
| amother Mint wrote: | If you're due to give birth in a few weeks, please prepare them already for it!!!
You could go into labor any day now. |
Its still quite early. Little children have no concept of time I'd rather tell them closer to my due date
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amother
Maple
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Tue, May 23 2023, 12:58 pm
I actually have a vague memory of being about 5 and opening a little wrapped present everyday at my grandparents, when my mother was in the hospital  about 20 years ago 
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amother
Ginger
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Tue, May 23 2023, 12:59 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Its still quite early. Little children have no concept of time I'd rather tell them closer to my due date |
How long before Pesach does did your 5 year old prepare for (learn etc...) Pesach?
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amother
Coffee
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Tue, May 23 2023, 1:01 pm
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Oy. They don’t know your having a baby and that they are going away for up to a week? A five year old needs to be prepared!!
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amother
Papaya
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Tue, May 23 2023, 1:02 pm
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OP, send along their blanket and pillow.
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amother
Papaya
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Tue, May 23 2023, 1:02 pm
| amother Coffee wrote: | | Oy. They don’t know your having a baby and that they are going away for up to a week? A five year old needs to be prepared!! |
She's going to prepare them, she didn't say otherwise.
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amother
OP
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Tue, May 23 2023, 1:21 pm
| amother Ginger wrote: | | How long before Pesach does did your 5 year old prepare for (learn etc...) Pesach? |
About 3 weeks before they started the story and within the week before they got off they were doing the projects.
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amother
Mustard
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Tue, May 23 2023, 1:33 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Its still quite early. Little children have no concept of time I'd rather tell them closer to my due date |
No it's not too early to talk about it. Do they know at all that you're having a baby?
I'm due in 10 weeks and have been talking to my 2.5 year old for quite some time already about the new baby and changes that will be coming.
Of course she doesn't have a true concept of time but she knows the baby needs to get bigger first and will come at the end of the summer.
She can rattle off exactly what will happen. Mommy will go to the hospital I will go to someone's house to sleep (and she lists the 2 options, we aren't sure yet) and then I will come back home.
A 5 year old definitely has more comprehension than my 2.5 year old.
Please don't spring this on them. You never know if you'll go into labor a few weeks early and then it'll be too late.
It's very old fashioned thinking to cut complete contact for a 3 and 5 year old. Bad advice. Prepare them as much as possible and keep in contact if they want.
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amother
Ginger
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Tue, May 23 2023, 1:36 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | About 3 weeks before they started the story and within the week before they got off they were doing the projects. |
Are you three weeks to your due date? (or five weeks in case you are early)
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amother
OP
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Tue, May 23 2023, 1:40 pm
| amother Ginger wrote: | | Are you three weeks to your due date? (or five weeks in case you are early) |
Not yet but around then is when I plan to tell them
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amother
OP
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Tue, May 23 2023, 1:42 pm
| amother Mustard wrote: | No it's not too early to talk about it. Do they know at all that you're having a baby?
I'm due in 10 weeks and have been talking to my 2.5 year old for quite some time already about the new baby and changes that will be coming.
Of course she doesn't have a true concept of time but she knows the baby needs to get bigger first and will come at the end of the summer.
She can rattle off exactly what will happen. Mommy will go to the hospital I will go to someone's house to sleep (and she lists the 2 options, we aren't sure yet) and then I will come back home.
A 5 year old definitely has more comprehension than my 2.5 year old.
Please don't spring this on them. You never know if you'll go into labor a few weeks early and then it'll be too late.
It's very old fashioned thinking to cut complete contact for a 3 and 5 year old. Bad advice. Prepare them as much as possible and keep in contact if they want. |
we talk a lot theoretically about the concept of having a new baby and how much he really wants one and what babys like to do.... but I havent told them anything yet...
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amother
Papaya
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Tue, May 23 2023, 1:44 pm
| amother Mustard wrote: | No it's not too early to talk about it. Do they know at all that you're having a baby?
I'm due in 10 weeks and have been talking to my 2.5 year old for quite some time already about the new baby and changes that will be coming.
Of course she doesn't have a true concept of time but she knows the baby needs to get bigger first and will come at the end of the summer.
She can rattle off exactly what will happen. Mommy will go to the hospital I will go to someone's house to sleep (and she lists the 2 options, we aren't sure yet) and then I will come back home.
A 5 year old definitely has more comprehension than my 2.5 year old.
Please don't spring this on them. You never know if you'll go into labor a few weeks early and then it'll be too late.
It's very old fashioned thinking to cut complete contact for a 3 and 5 year old. Bad advice. Prepare them as much as possible and keep in contact if they want. |
3 weeks is enough time in advance for little kids that don't have concept of time.
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amother
Papaya
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Tue, May 23 2023, 1:44 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | we talk a lot theoretically about the concept of having a new baby and how much he really wants one and what babys like to do.... but I havent told them anything yet... |
You're doing good, don't let others criticism knock you down.
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amother
Yarrow
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Tue, May 23 2023, 1:46 pm
I think you are a wonderful mother for trying to come up with a creative idea of how to make this transition for your young children a bit smoother, however the suitcase should not take the place of adequately preparing them.
A 5yr old is not a toddler.
Children understand a lot more than we give them credit for, and they certainly pick up even more strongly on the vibes we send them.
Will your children be traumatized or will you potentially be traumatized from being separated from your children?
This might take some self introspection, but really pay attention to the feeling you may have.
Your about to have another baby, your current life as you know it will change. It's scary, its unpredictable.... Your two children are everything comforting and familiar to you.
Children are pretty resilient and bounce back pretty quickly - and they do so much more quickly when they understand things at their own level and when mommy is sending them safe vibes.
Talk to your children. Explain to them what will happen. I am in agreement that disappearing from your children for a week without contact is probably not the best idea, rather tell them that if they get sad or lonely or just want reassurance that they can call you / face time with you.
Packing along any items that are comforting to them is better than any suitcase you can fill.
I am in agreement as well that getting them more comfortable in your SIL house is probably to their benefit.
Young children for the most part are very excited by the birth of a sibling. Explain to them that although they may miss Mommy for a few days, when she comes home she will have a prize better than anything in their suitcase that you so lovingly packed for them.
Wishing you a safe and healthy delivery.
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scintilla
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Tue, May 23 2023, 1:51 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Not yet but around then is when I plan to tell them |
This is a side point but didn't realize you have that much time, if you have patience to make the book more durable, I did one and got it laminated at a printing place near me (made a file with pictures and text and emailed it to them), and my kids still ask to read it a few years later! I should have asked them to bind it also but I forgot so I bought rings & made holes with a hole puncher, it's held up fine.
Also I know someone above recommended drawing your own picture which is how social stories usually are, my kids love seeing photos so I did that, plus it's easier for me!
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amother
Burgundy
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Tue, May 23 2023, 1:56 pm
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This is not something I would consider unless it was literally my only option. Best is to be home with a parent. Second best is to be home with another very familiar adult. Third best is to be in the home of a very familiar adult.
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amother
OP
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Tue, May 23 2023, 10:36 pm
Well what do you know! A mother of someone in his class had a baby so they spoke about it and it sounds like he told his teacher (couldn't get the story straight) that his mommy is also having a baby! So we had a little conversation about what happens when mommy has a baby and where mommy goes.... Lol!
I don't know if he really knew or he just wanted to be included in the attention the other kid was getting....
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amother
OP
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Tue, May 23 2023, 10:39 pm
| amother Burgundy wrote: | | This is not something I would consider unless it was literally my only option. Best is to be home with a parent. Second best is to be home with another very familiar adult. Third best is to be in the home of a very familiar adult. |
Do you go to the hospital on your own? I assume you have big kids who can watch the little ones? But I don't so I need to send them out for a bit
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