If your bedtime routine is serene...

thegiver ↓

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:50 pm

How do you coax your children to bed? Our oldest is 10 and does EVERYTHING to evade sleeping on time.

We stage the sleep ...youngest one sleeps earliest....

They all want special time way past bedtime.

Any solutions how to make bedtime nurturing and not disciplinary? I sing a song sometimes but they really want to connect more. At the same time they're exhausted!!

amother

Winterberry ↓

Tue, May 23 2023, 10:03 pm

Ours is relatively smooth because I have 3 little boys that all sleep in the same room and go to bed together at same time. So when it's bedtime, I'll say something like bedtime in 10 min, and then when it's time I'll say "ok I'm starting to read" and I go in their room with a Flashlight, pick a book, sit down and say ok im reading! The oldest two will run to brush their teeth, I'll come back out and brush for the little one, then they get in their beds, (light already off) I'll read, sing shema, some cuddles, done.

mha3484

Tue, May 23 2023, 10:21 pm

Mine got wayyyy better when I stopped making power struggles. I also stagger bed time with lots of space in between.

Once my kids are school age I go under the assumption they need 10 hours and count from wake up so my 6 years old who is up by 6:30 is in bed by 8, my 8 year old is up by 7:30 and hes in bed around 9. My 12 year old needs to be in bed by 10.

My 2 and 4 year olds goes to sleep around the same time as the 6 year old either right before or right after.

I give myself a lot of time and I dont put them to sleep when they are not tired.

amother

Marigold ↓

Tue, May 23 2023, 10:24 pm

The only way that works for me is setting a daily bedtime and firmly sticking to it. Nurturing can happen at other times.
I give a reminder or 2 a little while before to ease them into it.
I don’t love it, I wish I never had to be strict as a parent, but it’s what works.

amother

Obsidian

Tue, May 23 2023, 11:30 pm

Instead of getting frustrated that they wander another story/song/cuddle/kiss I realize I should just factor it into bedtime. I start 30-45 min before bedtime and bedtime is early. I also find when I take the time to wind them down they fall asleep right away vs when I try taking shortcuts it takes
f o r e v e r . . . That I itself is a motivation to stay calm …

amother

Celeste

Wed, May 24 2023, 2:25 am

My oldest is only 8 and that probably makes things easier.
I am very strict with bedtime and always was. Bed time always has the same routine. Sometimes the kids do go to sleep a bit later but it's still an easy process. Each kid always sleeps in his own bed and is not allowed to get up unless they need the bathroom also each one has a waterbottle next to his bed so if they are thirsty they can drink without getting out of bed. I don't believe that the time to bond is at night. I am home and with them the whole afternoon and we have time then to talk and chill.
I understand that every mother does things differently and she knows the best for her family. What works for one family doesn't always work for another.

Rappel

Wed, May 24 2023, 3:37 am

We have a firm bedtime ritual, and stick to it like glue. That's it. On the thousandth repetition, it became a rite, and they've never fought us since. Even the little kids get into it, because they see their older siblings following the ritual.

amother

Burntblack

Wed, May 24 2023, 3:50 am

giftedmom wrote:

I learned over the years to not look at the clock. Nothing will happen if they end up in bed a bit later.

Disagree, my kids know how important bed time is. I drum into them that losing sleep makes people irritable, they don't learn as well and it can make them sick.
My kids don't always get to bed on time, but it's clearly something we aim for and they are pretty good at understanding how important it is.
I read books for bed for kids under eight, the quicker they get to bed the more of the book they get. I give a lot of praise, a big hug and a secret message saying how great they are for any kid in bed exactly on time.
There are nights when they have to go to bed late for whatever, reason, I let them know they lost an hour or whatever amount of sleep. We talk about how well they managed, and often they can know they feel worse the next day for it. Some kids can manage much better and for those kids, I say missing bed time is sometimes OK but if its for a few nights it will affect them.
I set there bed time according to their needs not age. My seven year old knows he needs more sleep than he's five year old brother bc the seven year old never sleeps in and can never catch up sleep so they go to bed the same time.

amother

Molasses ↓

Wed, May 24 2023, 4:29 am

Our hack is Bluetooth speakers with stories. Get one settled into bed, hand her speaker with a story, have 10 min to get the next one settled, pass the speaker, go back to number one for Shema and hamalach and sitting till number 2 finishes story, then it’s her turn for Shema etc. then next two

amother

↑ Marigold

Wed, May 24 2023, 5:36 am

amother Molasses wrote:

Can you share where you get these stories from?

DVOM

Wed, May 24 2023, 5:58 am

My kids are good sleepers and always have been. They take after their mama! I had a friend over the other night, and watched her wide-eyed gaping stare as my 8 and 10 year olds prepared themselves for bed, came to get good night hugs, and tucked themselves in with books at around 9. My 2 older boys (15 and 12) will sometimes stay up a bit later- 10ish?- at which point I am usually already in bed myself. When they were all younger, we had many years of a firm 7pm bedtime, with the bedtime routine starting at 6:15- baths, PJs, books, bed. They do all that independently at this point. I give a lot of credit for that to my husband, who really values independence and personal responsibility, and fosters it in our kids in a very loving and gentle way from the time they're very small. The only one, at this point, with a very firm bedtime is my almost 2 year old daughter, who goes in at 8 if she napped, 7 if she didn't.

amother

↑ Firethorn

Wed, May 24 2023, 6:43 am

DVOM wrote:

Yup they definitely take the lead from us. I also go to bed early so house is dark and quiet by 9:30/10. Oldest is 11... Not sure what ill do when they get bigger Can't Believe It

. If there's a night when they go to sleep late, morning routine is a disaster

amother

↑ Molasses

Wed, May 24 2023, 6:57 am

amother Marigold wrote:

Can you share where you get these stories from?

Apple podcasts have lots of great bedtime story podcasts. Our current favorite series is sleep tight stories. Miss honeybee is also good

amother

Bronze

Wed, May 24 2023, 7:22 am

Each kid has this mp3 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01J.....ss_tl . (I just checked Amazon and bought it in 2018 and a duplicate in 2020, and they sometimes walk around the house with them and drop them! I had others before I got this which always broke, this one is heavy duty and kid proof!)

I have Rabbi Juravel’s whole series on them, so they’ve been through Tanach multiple times.

My routine isn’t always serene, but this helps!!!

amother

Mimosa ↓

Wed, May 24 2023, 4:11 pm

I absolutely adore bedtime.
There's routine, but it's OK if it takes longer than I want it to.
Bedtime is my time to unwind.
Toddler gets bathed, tucked into bed, and I hold his hand till he sleeps, about 10 min.
Dh is very helpful b"h and he usually will make sure in the meantime that the other 3 kids brush teeth and get into PJ'S
Then, starting with youngest, I lay in her bed and call her to come in. We cuddle and she'll tell me everything she "forgot" to share fir about 15 min. Repeat with each child.
Takes a long hour, usually more, but I made up my mind that this is what I want. And I love it.
The kids can sense I'm calm and I'm in no rush to finish. Whenever I have a simcha, and I do rush, none of them fall asleep..