Where are all the formula mommies?

amother

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 9:45 pm

amother Seablue wrote:

If you’re a nursing mother you just can’t understand it. Every time I walk into the pediatricians office the first question is how often baby nurses, same with my 6 week checkup at the OB (several different ones). And of course there’s the slight surprise they try to cover up when they hear I’m not. Even when I went for a follow up at 6 months they ask if I’m still nursing because of course they didn’t put in the chart that I’m not. So you might not be judging and I’m sure it’s not your intention but there’s a LOT of judging out there and calling a mother insecure for feeling that certainly sounds like you are.

Yes, thank you!

I know some of it is my insecurity. No one comments directly to me, and if it came up they would say, “of course do what’s best for your baby!” But I hear the way they talk about nursing, and I just get their feelings about formula. Even if they don’t mean to be judgy.

amother

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 9:47 pm

amother Salmon wrote:

I just find it interesting that we formula moms need to justify ourselves when we tell people we are not nursing...
When people ask me (which for some reason they do) if I'm nursing, I just say no and sometimes there's a pause, as if I need to provide a reason. Sometimes they follow up by asking if I've ever nursed any of my kids. Why does it matter?
By now I've stopped excusing myself and I'm proud to be a formula mom.
(It's the same with an epidural. My mother and sister's all gave birth naturally and when I had my first with an epidural I was so self-concious. But at the end of the day, hey, it's my life, and no one else has any say in how I live it Very Happy

)

I totally try to justify it, especially because I was bottle feeding such a young baby. “Yeah, he wasn’t gaining and almost ended up in the hospital so I had to supplement…” I feel a need to say it.

amother

Moonstone

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 10:24 pm

I had a lot of trauma with a breast infection when baby was five weeks and then a surgery and it was formula after that. BH for healthy baby healthy mommy. When I went back to work after healing from the surgery when baby was 4 months, it was grueling for me emotionally to have to answer people. No one meant harm I'm sure, it's considered normal conversation to ask "how's the nursing going" etc., it was just really, really painful emotionally for me. On many levels, it was a painful surgery and recovery, extremely difficult situation in many ways that I just kept getting reminded of in my face constantly.
At the time I didn't, but years later and lots of inner work and therapy later I realize that we as women just need to strengthen ourselves immensely. I wish you so much hatzlacha in that regard! It's fascinating to me that it's completely commonplace for people to ask and discuss such individual choices. But the stronger we are the easier we can nonchalantly answer, change the topic, etc.

amother

Peach

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 10:38 pm

I happen to really enjoy breastfeeding but I still give 1-2 formula bottles a day, I really hate pumping and I think it’s important to have that flexibility. That being said most of my fam doesn’t nurse or only nurse a few months and there is no judgement bh either way. Fed is best, never forget that

amother

Papayawhip

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 11:11 pm

I nursed exclusively and feel like everyone around me is formula feeding lol. We must travel in different circles. Actually when I used to excuse myself at a Simcha or other awkward time to nurse people be like why can’t you just give a formula bottle. My baby refused bottles and I also got infections easily so I couldn’t manage to combo feed. Really the understanding should go both ways. No judgement either way

amother

Oatmeal

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 11:57 pm

Another formula mom here!!

Omg! Sooooo embarrassing in the Kimpeturien home, all the ladies are sitting around breastfeeding , and I had to go hide in my room to formula feed…I wish I would have had the courage to formula feed in public, but I just didn’t. Maybe next time lol.

I literally hide at my in laws to formula feed…my mil and sils all nursed for ages..

amother

Chambray

Mon, Jun 05 2023, 1:40 am

BF mom here and I feel like you but about nursing! My pediatrician has asked me at each visit if I need a can of formula (they have samples). I went to shul and all the moms had formula bottles and I had to get permission from a guy to hide in a room to nurse. I go to someone's home and feel I have to give an excuse that I am nursing.

What we moms need is to just give ourselves a break. As long as we aren't actively harming our kids we need to relax and do what we need to survive and be a good mom. Stop the judgment. Of yourselves and others.

BatZion

Mon, Jun 05 2023, 5:55 am

Dearest OP

Nursing didn't work for our first, so we ended up formula feeding. I EBF my other kids with varying degrees of resentment. I would definitely consider combination-feeding with our next beH.
I hate this mommy guilt surrounding these things. It's so deeply pervasive, and so many of us drag it around with us no matter what we do.
Please don't feel guilty. Please don't let other people's remarks or insinuations get to you. Please don't feel the need to explain your choices to anyone. You are caring for your baby, you are mommying, and you are wonderful.

amother

Lemonlime

Mon, Jun 05 2023, 7:59 am

I breast fed my baby for 27 months and most women thought I am nuts.

As an aside, I don't think it's socially acceptable to ask someone if they are nursing their baby. It's a private question in my books. I would never discuss this topic with another woman except when talking about my own experience or they start the conversation.

amother

Mauve

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 6:09 am

amother OP wrote:

This thread is so helpful for me.

DH doesn’t understand at all. When I was still trying to BF but didn’t have enough he told me to just give a bottle.

Same, same, same!!! It took DH ages to understand how frustrating it is when he says, "Just give a bottle."

I'm really struggling with this, I feel so yuck giving my baby formula. He's my third. My first was a disaster and was on formula really early on. My second was a miserable nurser for 7 months, then I exclusively pumped for him until he turned 1. My baby now was a miserable nurser and I tried changing to pumping a few weeks ago (he's 4mo) but it wasn't working for myself and my family and I'm dropping it. Trying to get rid of my supply now.

I just feel like a failure, even though I never enjoyed the nursing and I'm feeling a lot more free now that DH can give some of the bottles. Just Banging head

Ema of 5

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 6:56 am

amother Mauve wrote:

Why do you feel yucky? Would you feel yucky giving your child medication if they were sick, or getting them a cast or splint if they had a broken bone? Why is this different? This is what your child needs.
It’s so sad that society has made moms feel like failures because they don’t do one particular thing. Your baby needs to eat. Your job is to feed him, in whatever way you can. In my eyes, a mom would only be a failure if she failed to feed her baby.

amother

Cinnamon

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 6:56 am

amother Gladiolus wrote:

Nursing makes me so miserable so I stop a few weeks or months in and my mental health gets so much better. The babies sleep better though the night, I don’t have to hide out to nurse, feedings take faster, it’s just so much better! And I have peace of mind knowing my baby is eating enough because I know the number of oz they had.

Only downside is the expense but it’s worth spending on. I say that as a person slowly paying down debt. My mental health is worth the money.

Some people do judge me for formula feeding and I just learn from that that they’re not that empathetic or life experienced in this regard. I roll my eyes at them and move on with my day. Because of how sad nursing made me, I feel pity for women that I see nursing, not jealousy.

I know a bunch of people who were formula fed and are now fully healthy, amazing adults. That helps me know I’m not doing anything wrong. BH for formula!

Eww. What a nasty, judgy, attitude. I can only assume that you feel so hurt and inadequate that you feel a need to judge the rest of us.

You can go ahead and FF but seriously, anyone who is proud of the sacrifices she's made isn't necessarily lacking empathy or life experience. You really don't know what someone else is going through. Some of us just have different priorities than you do.

Your judgment of those who you assume are judging you is just sick and gross. And I don't need your pity for nursing, or your jealousy, for that matter. I do what's best for my babies.

I hope one day you learn not to judge others, and you heal emotionally. Because pitying someone for nursing their baby means you've got a lot to work through.

Good day.