I don’t have patience to my kids

amother

Wed, Jun 07 2023, 12:27 pm

I’m so embarrassed to say it but it’s true. They’re so sweet and not especially difficult, but I just don’t have patience to play with them. It’s so hard for me especially when they can’t play outside and I have to entertain them at home. I also find it so hard when they are off from school.

Please help me change this feeling. I want to be able to look forward to spending time with them and playing with them. I want to be happy to see them come home from school. I’m a horrible mom and I want to change desperately.

amother

Wed, Jun 07 2023, 2:55 pm

amother Chambray wrote:

Do they go to school and/or do you work?

Yes they go to school, no, I don’t work. Which makes it even more sad because it’s not like I don’t have my space during the day. Please help me.

amother

Yellow

Wed, Jun 07 2023, 2:58 pm

I’m the same. Honestly, some people just don’t have patience to kids. I accept myself, give myself breaks, try to fake it for my kids sake but I can’t change my personality and won’t suddenly have patience to kids from one day to the next.

thegiver

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:51 pm

This is a late reply but you are normal! It is hard raising kids and we want instant results—grow up already! Go to sleep! Go to school!

Patience means plan to do things that you can also enjoy together while they are around. For me it meant today even though I really wanted to go to the park before sunset, when my child couldn’t find his shoe that meant Hashem had other plans. When I take care of myself and feel fulfilled in other ways it’s easier for me to be patient with the kids.

Patience. Take deep breaths. Plan for flexibility. Stay in the moment. Have lots of toys at home (the less pieces the better) so children can be happily preoccupied.

It’s not your job to entertain but you can have moments of bonding together each day.

And of course Nachat brings noach. When you praise them the dynamic in the house becomes happier.

Play music to release your tension around them. Have bonding rituals such as dance to music or walks together.

amother

Currant

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 1:08 am

I can really really relate to this.

My 3 year old son goes to playgroup and I work during the day. So it's really only a few hours together of 1 on 1 time, but I find myself struggling.

He's not the type of kid who engages in solo play for long periods of time (like my nephew who can play with Legos for like 30+ minutes and be totally entertained and enjoy it).

I never know what to do with him? It's too cold to go to the park... But staying home is boring and since he doesn't play with toys it's kind of like I need to provide him entertainment but I'm a boring person, I giess lol.

My mental health is good bh, and I know I'm a great mom in so many ways... But somehow the few hours together with him feels stressful.

Maybe I need to Google ideas for some age appropriate ways to interact with him?

OP I feel you, and I resonated with your post a lot.

amother

Currant

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 1:10 am

lilytee wrote:

This is an old thread.

Oh I didn't realize, it just popped up on the bottom of the web page.

I'm glad I stumbled upon it though. Makes me feel less alone to see someone else going through the same thing as me.

Light1234

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 1:41 am

I used to feel like this totally and what helped me was I integrated my favorite hobbies into playtime. For ex if I really liked to bake then suddenly that is what we would do together. If I felt in the mood to listen to music I put music in the background while we were playing and I could tune in to it and recharge. Or have my gf on speaker phone. Or my fave shiur. Or the news. Basically I needed to appeal to my adult self while being with kids. It just helped me expand my patience and I don't think the kids really notice.