Sending baby out, feeling so gulity

amother

Sun, Jul 06 2008, 11:55 pm

I own a small business, just me and my husband. We run it from our apt, and as you can imagine, it is fairly time and energy-consuming.
I have a 4 month old baby, as well as a 2 1/2 yr old.
The older one I send out, but I have kept the baby home til now.
Its getting to much for me, the baby doesnt nap that much during the day and I find myself struggling to keep up with work.
So I decided to send the baby out starting tomorrow, only for 3 hrs a day to start, but I am feeling like such a failure that I cant handle it.
I know its not a reasonable feeling, but I still would enjoy other ppl's encouragement.

mimivan

Mon, Jul 07 2008, 12:02 am

I will give you encouragement if you feel this is really what you must do and there is financial necessity, but I want to warn you that, since the working women forum is open, we have gotten bashed pretty badly at times by SAHMs for needing childcare. So, I'll be the first to say that, you are doing what you feel you have to do, and that sounds fine.

three hours is not so bad, I think. If you feel confident that the babysitter is a good one, you will know the baby is in good hands. It sounds like you are limiting the amount of time the baby is outside the house as much as you can, which is a good thing, and the baby isn't gone all day.

So b'hatzlacha with your business and I hope you don't get the kind of bashing here that alot of us have gotten in the past.

Just thought I'd warn you, especially given the title of your thread (which will attract them like magnets...you might want to edit)

NotInNJMommy

Mon, Jul 07 2008, 12:02 am

You and dh are working hard for your business.

I don't know you, but I'd venture to guess that hiring someone to replace you at least some of the time is not an option, nor is dh doing your job too, nor does it work to have someone there at your home with the baby while you are working (maybe not enough room, andthe baby would be screaming for you the whole time bc they can see you)....

Seeing as you are so concerned, I'd also venture to guess you found someone you really really trust to watch your baby, and that it's not like you won't be giving the baby much less attention. They need less in certain ways at the beginning, can just sit there and look at whatever or watch you run around or sleep through anything...then they want more interaction.

Someone giving your baby attention and affection for a few hours so you can earn parnossah is probably much better than stressing, fretting, screaming bc you are trying to do your work and the baby doesn't let.

This is adjustment time for mommy and baby. It will be ok, and iyh soon your small business will be strong enough that you can afford to cut back your hours or get more help.

Hatzlochah!

amother

Mon, Jul 07 2008, 12:06 am

OP here,
thanks for your tips
Yes, BH I trust the babysitter, I sent my older one to her and she is fantastic.
Replacing me is not an option at this point, way to expensive...
Anyways, my husband thinks the whole balancing act is too much for me... which is why we both agreed to send the baby out a little.
By the way, my husband is in Kollel, he helps me on his lunch break, but it is basically my business that I am doing to support us. At this point, when he walks in the door, I end up shoving the baby at him since I couldnt work all morning.
Sorry for those SAHM that cant understand such a concept, but I dont know what else to change the title too.

Tamiri

Mon, Jul 07 2008, 1:19 am

I am a die-hard SAHM and think that what you are planning sounds fabulous! Three hours a day should not harm a 2.5 yo in any way, shape or form. If the 2.5 yo ever needs you, sick CV"C or something - you are there!!!! I think it's amazing that you are supporting the family, have 2 kids AND kept the baby home with you for 2.5 years. Yasher koach!!!!

yo'ma

Mon, Jul 07 2008, 7:17 am

I used to take my kids to work with me until they started to crawl except for my second one. I didn't take him because I was sending the one above him (a year older) to a babysitter, so it seemed silly not to send him, too. He started around 3-4 months. I did feel a little guilty, but now he just celebrated his 9th b-day, k"h, and he's none worse for the wear. I know I Rolling Eyes

screwed that quote up.

e1234

Mon, Jul 07 2008, 7:29 am

I had this as well as I work from home.
I finally realized it's better to send the baby out then to have the baby
1. try to get your attention while your working
2. you get frustrated that you can't get anything done with the baby around.

Finding a warm and capable babysitter is the best solution to this problem. It's better for you and the baby. People who don't work from home can't really understand why someone at home needs to send her baby out...

amother

Mon, Jul 07 2008, 9:35 am

OP here
Thanks for all your encouragement.
Tamiri- I appreciate your vote of confidence, I already send my 2.5 yr old out, I am talking about my 4 month old here
e1234- I am glad to hear of someone else in my shoes. Everyone assumes that when you work at home you can keep your kids with you, but they require a lot of time that I dont have while I am working!!

mimivan

Mon, Jul 07 2008, 10:29 am

e1234 wrote:

I know. I thought I was being such a good mommy by keeping the baby at home, but then he felt ignored and at one point, I almost got fired because I was making so many mistakes because the baby was distracting me. I was able to keep my job on the condition I would have some kind of child care.

amother

Mon, Jul 07 2008, 10:45 am

Thanks for all your tips.
Appreciate your help.
Makes me feel better what you said mimivan, I also feel like I am neglecting my baby because when she cries I get frustrated even though its not her fault that I have to work!!

cdawnr

Mon, Jul 07 2008, 11:11 am

I work from home and have 3 kids, the oldest is 4.

Because I only started working from home when preg with #3, I thought I would keep her home longer. BY 3 months, she was so obviously in need of more stimulation than I could giv eher. If I went near computer she cried.

She started daycare at 3.5 months b/c it was far better for her than to be at home watching me work and far better for everyone when I could get work done.

Leahh

Mon, Jul 07 2008, 3:03 pm

I worked with someone who worked at home and sent her kids to the babysitter. She did tech support over the phone and couldn't speak to clients (or concentrate) with her baby crying in the background. If you have to work there is no reason to feel guilty about sending the baby out! Its for the babies benefit as much as for yours.
Btw, I work and send my baby to the babysitter. I always felt guilty about it but when you have no choice and need the income what are you supposed to do!? With time you get used to it. I can't say the guilt goes away but you get used to the routine and the idea.

sky

Mon, Jul 07 2008, 3:37 pm

I work from home and I just started sending out my 5 month old for 4 hours. I am able to get so much more work done when he is not home and I can then spend more time with him later. I find that I am a calmer and better mother because of it. I also felt that he was getting ignored and very little attention while I was working.

TwinsMommy

Mon, Jul 07 2008, 10:23 pm

I work from home and bring help here 12 hours a week. I only pay $8.50 an hour and she plays with the kids while I'm RIGHT there in the room typing away on my computer or on the phone.... when something happens-- somebody screams, or someone says a word, or I just need a cuddle break, I'm right there. If I have a phone call that can't have toddlers babbling in the background, I can go to another room for a few minutes. When I have to do a long phone interview or record a training session or something the sitter can take the kids for a walk. Best (and worst) of both worlds. Hard to get a lot of work done, but at least I'm getting SOMETHING done--- mainly, I work when they're napping or in bed at night. Maybe that's an option?

winter_rose

Wed, Apr 10 2013, 2:42 am

Consider it that you're kid gets to go on an outing every day and someone else is taking them instead of you. If it's a great babysitter with experience with your family, not a big deal. You're not putting the kid in a sketchy daycare or anything. You've got a mother's helper.