How to stop being resentful about tuition

amother

Sun, Jun 11 2023, 11:27 pm

I work full time and we barely make it. No extras at all. No vacations. I have a huge list of things we all need like shoes etc but can’t buy. I always dream about if I got to keep even $5000 of the amount that we spend on tuition then I could get new clothes or shoes or even cleaning help. I know this isn’t healthy but all my non Jewish coworkers making the same salary have such fun lives and do amazing trips, dress well, can buy their kids so much. Tuition takes it all away.

elisheva25

Sun, Jun 11 2023, 11:34 pm

You don’t get any discounts ?
Things shouldn’t be soo right that you can never really buy or enjoy anything
You don’t mention real numbers , but still ….you need to be able to live & enjoy life a little
100% all of it can’t go to tuition
Maybe we can help in practical ways to budget ?

amother

Pear

Sun, Jun 11 2023, 11:46 pm

You’re not a victim. You’re making a choice to raise your child in a specific way. Part of that way, a Torah lifestyle, necessitates Jewish schools. You are privileged to be living in a time a place where Jewish schools are available and you are lucky to have children to educate. BH you have much to be grateful about.

amother

Amaryllis

Sun, Jun 11 2023, 11:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

It incredibly hard.....but you are buying your kids so much. Just imagine if you just stopped.

amother

Bellflower

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 1:12 am

I know how you feel. I relate!! It really is poor middle class. But I chose to have each one of these kids knowing the financial burden they bring. We have only ourselves to blame.

amother

Daisy

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 1:18 am

amother RosePink wrote:

Tuition is a choice.

Of course, you can make aliyah and lower or completely eliminate your tuition bill. It's a matter of what you choose in life.

I would certainly encourage everyone to move here, but I actually spent thousands of dollars of your intuition. Now it’s way less than if I were in America and I don’t take that for granted but people also make less here. Most of my kids go to school that somewhat private. I don’t know anyone that doesn’t have any tuition. So just throwing that out there. So if you could move here with your American salary, which is what we did then yes it really helps. And yes, I’m able to do the things that you wish that you could do because of our Mutchler tuition. So if you could bring your American salary here, you might be able to have a Jewish education as well as doing all those extra things. We travel a few times a year out of the country with our kids we would not have qualified for tuition break in America, so I don’t know that we could’ve afforded it there.

dinglehopper

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 6:32 am

You have to either cut expenses or make more money. That's the only way. So you have to decide how you plan to do one of those. Tuition is a choice and it's possible that a different school can offer a discount.

imasinger

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 6:46 am

Tuition is a huge bite of the budget, for so many of us. I second the idea of finding out if you can get some relief.

That being said, if you want to change the jealousy, perhaps try a reframe.

Imagine that one of your co-workers told you that if you had fewer children, and stopped buying that expensive kosher food, your life could be so much better. You could take a second job on Saturdays to bring in more income.

What might you argue? Does your current life provide value that's deeper or richer than cool vacations, or flaunting the latest fashions?

amother

Peony

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 8:03 am

It is frustrating, especially if you live in a good public school district. And especially if your kids need any additional tutoring outside of school because, what are you paying for? It's also disgusting that the attitude here is to have fewer kids because tuition comes first. How is that a choice? And if you did choose to send elsewhere, a cheaper private school, public or homeschooling, these people would judge you and exclude you. These people who no doubt have ever truly gone through Financial problems, so yes, I understand your bitterness.

amother

Green

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 8:07 am

I hear you op. It’s incredibly hard. That’s how it was for my parents and now for me although I’m working on making more money. What’s crazy is camp/childcare. For two of my kids for 6 weeks where I live is over 5k. I think I’ll do mommy camp and hope I don’t go insane. The camp doesn’t even go on trips or have any instructors.