Father of bride not invited to her sheva brochos

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

1 2 3 4 5 Next

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 7:48 pm

My family is planning to make sheva brochos for dd and my parents don't want to invite xdh, my dds father.

Do I say anything to my parents? Dd is shocked...

amother

Ruby

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 7:51 pm

As a child of divorced parents I understand your dd. This is so wrong. I understand your parents have hard feelings towards your ex but that doesn’t erase his role as a father. He has every right to be there and should be there as the father of the kallah and given the proper respect. I hope you can talk to your parents and work this out.

Highstrung

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 7:52 pm

It’s DDs Sheva brachos. She should tell the hosts that she doesn’t want to attend the Sheva brachos unless her father is invited .
If DD doesn’t want dad there , then it’s a different story

coloredleaves

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 7:53 pm

Yes/ it's her sheva brachos. Tell them you appreciate they are making it, and of course you understand their difficulty being around your c husband, but that being said you are asking if they could do a chessed and invite him wnatwant- mostly bc your daughter prefers it, and also because it's a time to promote Shalom. Say it would mean so much to you and to your daughter and u don't wnat her to feel hurt at her special time. And if u need more- the gesture iyH will be a zchos for her and your family.

NotInNJMommy

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 7:55 pm

Dd should talk to your family making the SB and understand what’s going on and share her preferences. Then both sides (dd and the hosts) can decide to do this SB or not. I don’t think you should get involved.

the world's best mom

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 7:57 pm

Of course he should be invited to his daughter's sheva brachos. And if it's hard for them to invite him, they get more schar when they do it.

NechaMom

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 7:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

My family is planning to make sheva brochos for dd and my parents don't want to invite xdh, my dds father.

Do I say anything to my parents? Dd is shocked...

The kallah’s biological father belongs by all sheva brachos if she so wishes.
Yes. Tell your parents that your DD wants him there and they should keep the peace. They’re doing a beautiful thing by making a sheva brachos, let them do it right. The whole point is to make the kallah happy.

seeker

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 8:01 pm

NotInNJMommy wrote:

Strongly disagree, I'm all for letting kids work out their own issues but getting married is such a fraught time and this is nonsense DD should not have to stress over. Mom should go ahead and have the difficult conversations, asking DD's input only as needed (e.g. would she rather just not have the sb if the family isn't inviting dad)

NotInNJMommy

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 8:04 pm

seeker wrote:

Ok I guess we’ll disagree. Mom is not married to the father anymore. This needs to be between the dd and the hosts. Dd is getting married and this just doesn’t seem like a healthy thing to not be involved in. It’s not mom’s problem to meddle in. It’s not about mom.

Highstrung

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 8:07 pm

seeker wrote:

I usually agree with you and I understand where you are coming from and why DD shouldn’t have the pressure or drama in her life. But , I’m a child of divorce and I would not have wanted my mother being the one to decide things for me or for her to get involved in things that were personal to me. I was old enough to marry , and I was old enough to deal with some of the uncomfortable things that come up when you have divorced parents . It’s wrong for the grandparents to be making this decision and I think hearing it from their grand daughter , who’s Simcha it is , will carry more weight than if his Ex asks her parents to invite him.

I see now I cross posted with NJ Mommy and we are trying to say the same thing. She just said it better than me.

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 8:18 pm

As a public service we should make a compilation of imamother threads like these to link to whenever a poster asks if they should get divorced because they just don’t like DH and can do better. There seems to be an attitude that divorce means an undesirable spouse just kind of fades out of the picture in the ensuing years. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Absent abuse or serious mental illness and similar situations divorce does not solve one’s problems, it created different ones that last s lifetime. There is no walking off into the sunset.

Sure there are times where it’s warranted, but even then it’s like a medical amputation; necessary, but you will be dealing with the effects perpetually for the rest of your life.

WhatFor

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 8:24 pm

amother Amethyst wrote:

Oh please. First of all, it's ridiculously rare on this site for someone to post that they want to divorce because they think they can do better. Secondly, a woman doesn't need to stay miserable every day of her life because one day, when her child marries, her parents might not invite her ex to sb. No one who gets divorced thinks it's easy. They just think it's better than the alternative.

And you have no idea why op got divorced. How insensitive to hijack her thread about an issue to be like "this should serve as a warning to those who want to divorce."

ShishKabob

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 8:25 pm

If this wasn’t an amicable divorce, I understand the grandparents. Idk if it makes it right, but I get it.

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 8:33 pm

This should really be up to the bride, your dd. If she wants her father there then he most definitely be invited regardless of any hard feelings other family members have towards him. If she doesn't want him there then he doesn't need to be invited.

ShishKabob

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 8:35 pm

It’s only one night out of seven. It’s not like that for all of them. Unless the dd will be upset about it.

amother

Cappuccino

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 8:39 pm

amother Amethyst wrote:

True, but only if you had kids together.

amother

Dahlia

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 8:41 pm

Well clearly my side will not be making sb for my kids because I think my mother would only invite my ex to an event if h-ll has actually frozen over, and probably not then either.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 8:41 pm

I don't know.
My grandparents made sb for their granddaughter.
They didn't invite xdil, kallahs mother.

They are paying here, she is no longer part of the family.
Yes they paid toward wedding expenses bec the father of kallah isn't working.

ddmom

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 8:56 pm

Is father invited to all the other sheva brachos?
If mother's family is making it, I'm not so shocked that he wasn't invited.
Will his side of the family also be making sheva brachos?

Cheiny

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 9:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

My family is planning to make sheva brochos for dd and my parents don't want to invite xdh, my dds father.

Do I say anything to my parents? Dd is shocked...

That’s awful. It’s her father!
I’d tell your parents that if they don’t invite him, you don’t need their Sheva brachos.

Page 1 of 5

1 2 3 4 5 Next