Feeling Unappreciated

amother

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 7:29 pm

I'm going to limit the details as those who work in school where I am will know who I am if I share about some teacher related school appreciation gifts.

Just going to vent about parent/student end.

I worked at a school full time in several departments. I was there every day from 8am-4pm.
Teaching midos is of high value for me. That's what leads one in life, not necessarily all academics. It's core value in school.

A little appreciation goes a long way, even just a card - and that's really the best gift. It has the best value, the words and effort last forever.

I had a total of 75 students in one grade, 60 in another + a class of 22.
My two grades of 75 + 60 were split up and I was in each for one session PER DAY. Not a once in a while coming in or out.
Appreciation gifts went around for the grades. In one, even a parent took charge on our class chat and collected for all the teachers.
I received nothing.

A thank you? Really? Something?

My job was to be a teacher for an entire grade for davening - we were 2, although at a minimum of 1x per week it was just me. My other job was to assist in every class during a certain period where the children needed help. It was pretty demanding as the approach needs to be different and constant vs teach and let the children work, as most who needed help were academically challenged.

I stopped myself from crying on the way home today. Something about what happened with the school appreciation gift that I was mistakenly 'forgotten', something else I won't mention because it's already a lot of info and ppl who work there will likely recognize already, & now the parent appreciation.

Just say thank you. If it's too hard to do that, encourage your child to make a card?
Not one.
Not even one.

I worked full time all year. I came in to do a session where so many people struggle to do it because of the demands to arrive so early. I did an entire grade because they were so short staffed and it was kept this way. I committed myself to my other roles.

I received a few appreciation gifts/cards from those who I teach for a full half of the day.
Not even 1 from the entire other half.

Us teachers are worth more than that. What we put up with daily is far from easy, yet we do it because it's all part of what's necessary. Whether it is a student who is cooperative, needing assistance whether minor or significant or those who need lots of support with derech eretz. We are there through thick and thin.

Raise the bar for the teachers. Please
Our paychecks (where I work) are small. Just a thank you.

In general I try not to have expectations, as they can lead to disappointment. I try to hope for the best, whichever way it goes. But something about this, the realization, seeing in your face.
It hurts.

Signed,
A teacher who had a good year and is now feeling offended and not appreciated.

amother

Lightblue

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 8:01 pm

Just want to say I’m with you, and yes it’s so disheartening and discouraging when this happens.

You put in SO much work, effort, time, patience, emotion, heart etc. and not receiving appreciation from the ones you poured so much into is really, really hard. I’m a teacher too, and had my share of this in a specific way one year.

Parents just aren’t thinking clearly enough right now. They absolutely do appreciate you, and when they reflect on the year with their kids and parent-peers, they have such good things to say about you.

Your students surely appreciate you, and value what you gave them.

Maybe getting yourself a celebratory chocolate at and some wine might help in a small way?

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 8:01 pm

I'm so sorry OP! I hope you understand that you are appreciated even if it doesn't seem that way. The kids get so much from every Morah who is there day in and day out making sure they are successful in life. You are making a positive impact on their lives!

I work in a school too and it's so nice when I get even an email at the end of the year thanking me for everything. I think this should be something every parent does, as it takes only a few minutes and it's really just that one paragraph acknowledgement that makes us feel appreciated.

amother

Moonstone

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 8:02 pm

Yes and it’s very sad because then we get threads about how thank you cards are not enough and only that is insulting and send cash etc and it becomes a paralysis what to do and how to afford it in time and money multiplied by multiple kids
If someone was collecting for the class I think somehow you got overlooked as to what you do with the kids I would ask the main teacher what’s the story
I’m sorry op I’m sure you are appreciated and parents are overwhelmed this time of year with all their kids multiplied by all their teachers Rebbe’s assistants therapists and so on
Not an excuse but often the reason

amother

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 8:03 pm

smss wrote:

Totally understand how upsetting and hurtful that must feel.

We get threads on here all the time, "my kid has 6 different teachers/3 assistants/is in middle school and has a different teacher for each subject/whatever, do I have to get them ALL a thank you gift?!" I don't care what gifts you give and don't think anyone should spend money they don't have on this sort of thing, but to THANK every person who took care of your child and educated them for an entire year? Yes, you should do that.

I see the threads too.
I personally give /gave to all teachers, office staff and principals who I work alongside and of my kids. Even if I can't afford to give monetarily, I give a card and a gift.

smss

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 8:07 pm

amother Moonstone wrote:

I've been on imamother for over a decade and have never seen a thread like that.
I am not questioning that you did, but I do think that type of sentiment is extremely rare and honestly, I wouldn't give a second thought to it.
The vast majority of teachers treasure thank you notes and have no expectations of material gifts.

As a parent as well, I get how overwhelming even writing cards can be. I would say 3 things...
1) you can teach elementary age students to write their own cards (although when possible, it is still very meaningful to get one from the parents too)
2) cards don't expire so you don't have to wait for the night before the last day of school to write them. You can pace yourself over the last few weeks of school
3) something is better than nothing, if you didn’t manage cards can you send a 2 sentence text? Can you email the principal and cc the teacher?

Simple1

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 8:09 pm

I’m so sorry. That is very disappointing. The school should be giving you and all teachers an appreciation gift. Is this high school? It can be unrealistic to gift the amount of teachers a high schooler has. Personally I give Chanukah and Purim and thought that was enough. Hope I didn’t offend anyone. I know it’s hard but I would work on feeling value from within and not needing so much validation from others. I know people who work in jobs that get Zero appreciation other than a paycheck.

Again I’ll say that the school that employed you should have given you an appreciation gift.

Last edited by Simple1 on Wed, Jun 21 2023, 8:11 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 8:09 pm

amother Moonstone wrote:

Of course
When I see the threads about not enough, I cringe too. Money is nice, no matter how much and you bet we need it. However, times are tough and that's a lot to go around! I actually feel bad when people give money because many times it's pressure about keeping up with others and for some it's really not affordable.

However, those who give money, I do not and will not understand why you give more to Rebbis. I overheard a parent telling another that they do this, not realizing inwas in earshot.
We make less than them. Sometimes we are the teachers of the exact same students for other subjects. In our school, I am. We actually dont get any leniencies the Rebbis get.
Appreciation isn't about how much - why do they have to get more?
That's minor stuff anyways.

Just say thank you.
When it's two entire grades though? Something is wrong. Change needs to happen.

amother

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 8:11 pm

Simple1 wrote:

The school should be giving you and all teachers an appreciation gift. Is this high school? It can be unrealistic to gift the amount of teachers a high schooler has. Personally I give Chanukah and Purim and thought that was enough. Hope I didn’t offend anyone. I know it’s hard but I would work on feeling value from within and not needing so much validation from others. I know people who work in jobs that get Zero appreciation other than a paycheck.

Again I’ll say that the school that employed you should have given you an appreciation gift.

Middle school.
They dont work like highschool does for my department.

smss

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 8:15 pm

Simple1 wrote:

So much?
She said NO ONE gave even a thank you note. After an entire year.

If a wife posted that her husband never thanked her for anything she does, would you respond with the bolded also?

amother

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 8:23 pm

NotLazySusan wrote:

Did any student say/write thank you?

No.
I wasn't going to put all info here. But maybe it doesn't really matter. If they realize who I am, they can correct for next year so going forward this doesn't happen.

Principals gave students flowers with each teachers name to write something they enjoyed about that teachers class and from that they made a vase for each teacher.

They clearly didn't include my name.
All teachers walked out with vases today + flowers. Mine was empty.

I wanted to return it and not take it. I reluctantly took it home. I don't want to look at it daily and remember this bitter 'thank you'. You made a mistake by excluding or had realized that nobody wrote (I didn't see my name printed on the flowers btw). At least apologize. Don't just hand off. That was really what out the situation over edge
Feels disgusting to me. I'll probably give it away

NotLazySusan

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 8:26 pm

amother OP wrote:

So it was an oversight of the administration.
Sorry that happened to you!