Feeling Unappreciated

Simple1

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 5:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

Principals gave students flowers with each teachers name to write something they enjoyed about that teachers class and from that they made a vase for each teacher.

They clearly didn't include my name.
All teachers walked out with vases today + flowers. Mine was empty.

I wanted to return it and not take it. I reluctantly took it home. I don't want to look at it daily and remember this bitter 'thank you'. You made a mistake by excluding or had realized that nobody wrote (I didn't see my name printed on the flowers btw). At least apologize. Don't just hand off. That was really what out the situation over edge
Feels disgusting to me. I'll probably give it away

That is so upsetting! Whoever took care of this should have been more sensitive.

amother

Outerspace

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 5:38 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm going to limit the details as those who work in school where I am will know who I am if I share about some teacher related school appreciation gifts.

Just going to vent about parent/student end.

I worked at a school full time in several departments. I was there every day from 8am-4pm.
Teaching midos is of high value for me. That's what leads one in life, not necessarily all academics. It's core value in school.

A little appreciation goes a long way, even just a card - and that's really the best gift. It has the best value, the words and effort last forever.

I had a total of 75 students in one grade, 60 in another + a class of 22.
My two grades of 75 + 60 were split up and I was in each for one session PER DAY. Not a once in a while coming in or out.
Appreciation gifts went around for the grades. In one, even a parent took charge on our class chat and collected for all the teachers.
I received nothing.

A thank you? Really? Something?

My job was to be a teacher for an entire grade for davening - we were 2, although at a minimum of 1x per week it was just me. My other job was to assist in every class during a certain period where the children needed help. It was pretty demanding as the approach needs to be different and constant vs teach and let the children work, as most who needed help were academically challenged.

I stopped myself from crying on the way home today. Something about what happened with the school appreciation gift that I was mistakenly 'forgotten', something else I won't mention because it's already a lot of info and ppl who work there will likely recognize already, & now the parent appreciation.

Just say thank you. If it's too hard to do that, encourage your child to make a card?
Not one.
Not even one.

I worked full time all year. I came in to do a session where so many people struggle to do it because of the demands to arrive so early. I did an entire grade because they were so short staffed and it was kept this way. I committed myself to my other roles.

I received a few appreciation gifts/cards from those who I teach for a full half of the day.
Not even 1 from the entire other half.

Us teachers are worth more than that. What we put up with daily is far from easy, yet we do it because it's all part of what's necessary. Whether it is a student who is cooperative, needing assistance whether minor or significant or those who need lots of support with derech eretz. We are there through thick and thin.

Raise the bar for the teachers. Please
Our paychecks (where I work) are small. Just a thank you.

In general I try not to have expectations, as they can lead to disappointment. I try to hope for the best, whichever way it goes. But something about this, the realization, seeing in your face.
It hurts.

Signed,
A teacher who had a good year and is now feeling offended and not appreciated.

I used to send thank you's and gift cards to my three older children's teachers. Now that I am up to the second half of my family, I have zero energy.
Now that you reminded me, I will do better next year. thankyou.

amother

Gray

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 5:39 pm

I really feel you! I’ve felt the same way but in a different type situation. I work in a daycare with a few classes and 2 teachers per class. The kids are 3 and under. My job is to be the “floater”. I go around helping where it’s necessary and also substitute if a teacher is absent and if someone is on maternity leave. By all the appropriate times that the teachers get gifts or appreciation tips I never get anything. And the parents know I’m there . Sometimes they will bring 2 gifts and I’m there subbing for an absent teacher and I feel so stupid when they do that in front of me. I know all the kids in the daycare approximately 80 kids! And I know them all by name and their preferences and needs. But when it comes to appreciating it’s as if I’m not there. I’m always forgotten and sometimes when I’m helping out and a parent is there bringing something for the teachers and not me I feel like crying because I work so hard and nobody appreciates it.

amother

Whitewash

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 5:40 pm

OP, I want to bring in another perspective.

This isn't trying to bash or lower our gratitude or dismiss your hard work. This isn't to minimize your efforts or to not be appreciative. It's just a view from the other side.

From a very young age, our children are BH blessed with a multitude of teachers, rebbeim, assistants, morahs, therapists and more. Once upon a time, classes were smaller and/or there weren't specialty teachers and/or there were less wxpectation on the morahs to be in tune with every aspect of the kids development.
Therefore it was common and expected to thank all teachers, often with a cash tip. Some communities did Chanukah/Purim, some before YT, some at the end of the year.

Nowadays, one uncomplicated child (meaning without extra help, tutoring, therapy etc) can easily have 6-8 people involved in her education per year. Plus bus drivers and monitors. The amount of people involved is overwhelming to keep track of, especially when we bli ayin hora have multiple children.

Most parents will still acknowledge and give written appreciation notes to the primary teacher(s) of each child. But the expectation from additional staff that they get parental thank-yous is curious to me.

When you shop at a grocery, I assume you thank the cashier. But do you make sure once a year (at least) to also go around and thank the shop owner, manager, stock boys, and secretaries? Or do you assume that their appreciation and tips should come from the owner, as they are his employees? Similarly, I thank my children's teachers, but all the support staff, like secretaries, specialty teachers, substitutes, curriculum director, part-time assistants (not the main assistant to morah but others who come in here and there) - I presume the school administration is primarily responsible for ensuring they feel appreciated and recognized for their efforts.

(As an aside, you asked why rebbeim get tipped more than morose- in my world, it's because they spend more hours per day with their students. Rebbes are there from approx 8/9 AM until 3 PM = 6 to 7 hours. Teachers are there for about 3, max 4 hours per day. English teachers for boys are also tipped less than rebbeim, again because the time spent with the students is a lot less than rebbeim.)

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 5:41 pm

Its totally understandable that you should feel so hurt. You have invested so much in your students, and it seems to get unnoticed.
It is especially hurtful that gifts were given to other teachers and not you. It is very possible that the parents are not aware of the work you do since you are not teaching a specific class. As a parent, we dont always realize who is involved with our children during their school day. This time of the year tends to be very hectic and I remember when I had a lot of young children in school being so overwhelmed and not being able to thank the teachers properly eventhough I really meant to.
I started teaching recently, and I am amazed at how much work and preparations goes into teaching and running a school. And I certainly did not have that awareness in the past.
I also didnt get much in terms of thank you gifts or letters, but I can see how much my students gained over the year, and I take pride and great joy in the part I played in their growth. Personally that is enough for me. So try to take a step back and find joy in your accomplishments. Hugs!

amother

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 5:50 pm

amother Whitewash wrote:

So in my case, I'm not just a pop in . I'm the established teacher for one period and for the other 3, I was in each class of one grade assisting those who needed help. Often it was a group of mostly same students and also helped out with the rest of the class. It was a daily thing. Not a floater position.

Re Rebbi, for my other half of the day, I teach the same class a the Rebbi. Our schedules have equal amount of hours.

And re secretaries? Yes. I give something to them all too. They do a lot for our kids behind the scenes and deserve appreciation.

I agree with you on your perspective otherwise.

Btw these same parents know who to call when there is an issue, so they know who I am.

amother

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 5:51 pm

amother Fuchsia wrote:

Most definitely were specific classes.
Two grades.
One for first period and for the rest, one grade, one subject, divided equally between the grade. Every day

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 5:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

No.
I wasn't going to put all info here. But maybe it doesn't really matter. If they realize who I am, they can correct for next year so going forward this doesn't happen.

Principals gave students flowers with each teachers name to write something they enjoyed about that teachers class and from that they made a vase for each teacher.

They clearly didn't include my name.
All teachers walked out with vases today + flowers. Mine was empty.

I wanted to return it and not take it. I reluctantly took it home. I don't want to look at it daily and remember this bitter 'thank you'. You made a mistake by excluding or had realized that nobody wrote (I didn't see my name printed on the flowers btw). At least apologize. Don't just hand off. That was really what out the situation over edge
Feels disgusting to me. I'll probably give it away

Wow, that is unbelievable! The adminstration really should have done something about this. It is not nice for them to hand it out to you like this knowingly. They needed to organize for your class to do some flowers before giving it to you. I am really sorry this happened to you!

amother

Cadetblue

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 6:03 pm

Dearest teacher,
If time allowed I would have sent you a thoughtful card with words of appreciation maybe a small tip or little gift to show our thanks for all that you did for our child this yr. I know you didn't have an easy job and you gave it your all. It meant the world to us to know our child was loved and cared for and treated with respect and concern all yr.
I am sure you are aware that each yr we tip all our teachers and rebbas both chanuka and purim. This is no small job considering the multitude of adults in out kyh several children's lives. From bus drivers teachers assistants and rebbas . Many of our children have seit/p3 ot pt and speech. There are those that go to after school programs which include another load of teachers therapist and drivers in both directions!
To be honest this was the first yr I didn't do anything to show appreciation at chanuka time. I'm embarrassed to admit it but the job was just to daunting! We tried to make up for it with some extra money purim time. This task takes literally hrs and needs both parents involvement.
As the yr was coming to an end and my friend (with two children) mentioned the treats she packed for the teachers and tips for boys drivers I became dizzy just thinking about it.
I wishing could right you all letters of appreciation and thanks . You have cared for our child and they blossomed in your time.
I hope you can understand that we are aware of all you have done and deserve but please understand us -
I do not have the strength or time to do it again!
Fondly,
Your students mom

amother

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 6:12 pm

amother Cadetblue wrote:

I understand that this is the circumstance for many. By no means the circumstance for ALL of the approximately 130+ students.

Trust me, I was busy.
I barely had time to breath at the end of the year (and even throughout).
Same for my kids teachers.
You bet I took time, even if it meant doing it at 4am and not sleeping, which is what happened for two days, to make sure everyone got something.
No I didn't write as long of a card and detailed as I wanted. I worked within my means.

amother

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 6:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

Even a text is something. Really.
I've gotten some of those from my half day class and it's super nice as well.

A little goes a long way.
Maybe tomorrow I'll see things differently than today - it's possible.

For now, I'm a mess from the straw that broke the camels back and whatever comes with that.

amother

Wed, Jun 21 2023, 6:41 pm

amother Yarrow wrote:

I am not a teacher (nor do I work in a school) but if I did I would never ever ever want a parent to lose even a minutes sleep in order to write me a thank you note. You sound very dedicated but your expectations are way way way out of line. NO THANK YOU!

I hear you on one side.
On the other side,
Do you know how many hours throughout the entire year are spent planning, meeting, grading, discussing plans for your child on how to best help them to succeed, report cards and so so much more? Many or most during hours that we wish to be sleeping?
This is all done outside our teaching slot, aside from a meeting or two here and there.

The way you wrote not taking one minute of sleep for a teacher, when it doesn't even have to take a minute of sleep, comes off rude.
You totally missed the point in any case -