Give master BDRM to parents?

amother

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 1:28 am

We live in a small apt and DH parents will come stay with us for 48 hours.
Is it appropriate to give over our master bedroom/bathroom for them?
I feel silly staying there while they get to be in a (very nice) children’s room with no bathroom in the room.
Where do you put up parents when you don’t have a private area for them?

amother

Lilac

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 1:35 am

I have hosted my parents in the past, and they did have the room without the bathroom. I think it’s really nice that you want to give them your room. I never even thought about it at the time. Editing to add that when they came, I was right after birth and really needed my own bathroom so maybe that’s why I never thought about it.

smss

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 1:41 am

I think it's a really nice thing to do! I am not that nice...

Also just consider if they're the type of people who will respect personal space or if you're going to have to clear out drawers and hide your things...

amother

Crocus

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 1:44 am

I did it once for my parents after finding out that my sibling did it. My drawers had clearly been rifled through. There's no chiyuv to do it and it sets a precedent you will always be expected to keep. I wouldn't do it again.

amother

Birch

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 1:47 am

As parents of married children, I would feel very uncomfortable if my children would move out of their master bedroom. I wouldn't be happy taking away their room.

amother

Cobalt

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 1:49 am

I always give my parents our bedroom when they come and DH is absolutely fine with it. Ours is the only one on a lower floor with an attached bathroom and their mobility issues would make a room int our top floor much more difficult to get to. They only visit every two years or so so it doesn't come up very often.
I was surprised when I shared this in a previous thread on this topic that a good number of posters vehemently expressed how wrong this was, suggesting that my parents were terribly inappropriate for accepting our room.
I disagreed then and disagree now and as a staught who lives far way, this is one way I get to perform the mitzvah if kibud horim.

amother

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 1:53 am

So I see most posters don’t believe it’s the thing to do.
I’m not thrilled about giving up my room, I was just thinking if it might be the right thing to do, but I guess it is not. I was afraid if they’re kind of expecting it?

amother

Honey

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 2:01 am

Im shocked that many here feel its not expected to give a parent their Master bedroom.

Id give parents the choice.

I gave a Kimpeturin dil, who doesnt have a mother to go to, our master bedroom.

We always gave Master bedroom to parents in law (my parents lived nearby) when they were alive.

amother

Burntblack

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 2:01 am

I wouldn't feel the need to do it just to give them an attached bathroom, but our master bedroom doesn't even have it's own bathroom so maybe I'm biased over sharing a bathroom not being a big deal.

I would do it only if the needed an accessible bedroom and the master was the only one on the first floor.

amother

Crocus

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 2:01 am

amother OP wrote:

If they're the type to expect it then I'd be especially wary of giving it to them. There are lots of other ways to fulfill the mitzva of kibbutz av v'aim, even if you live far from them.

Queen Of Hearts

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 2:07 am

Imo, it's extra special to give parents your master bedroom. Kol hakavod to those who do.
I feel that a master bedroom belongs to the 'masters' of the house. Parents are just visitors. I would go out of my way to set up the bedroom they are staying in as comfortable as possible.
As other posters mentioned, if I would be the parent of the couple I would Never allow them to give me their bedroom. It's their private sanctuary.

amother

Crimson

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 2:55 am

Op it’s totally not necessary. Set up your guest bedroom as nice as possible. I personally would
Not feel comfortable having someone else sleep in my beds. This is our private area I don’t want to share. It’s nice of you to even invite them when you live in such a small apartment.

amother

Honey

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 2:58 am

Am I the only one who thinks these comments are awful?

I havent even read one comment here that started with "My parents deserve anything and everything, but for this reason (blank) I cant give them the master bedroom. Not one.

This is puzzling.

amother

Impatiens

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 3:58 am

It has never even occurred to me to give my parents or in laws the master bedroom. For many years our guest room was on the second floor with all our other bedrooms. It's a nice large room we set up for guests (mostly family) from when we moved into our house but there is only a shared bathroom available. Now we have a basement guest room that is much more private that we prefer to use. There is a bathroom that isn't attached, but is entirely private at night and early morning.

I can't imagine our parents accepting the offer of our bedroom even if we did think to do so. My parents are extremely hospitable and frequently have guests or even give their house away for neighbor's guests if they're not home. In all the years they've lived in their house, I can think of only one instance where they gave away their own bedroom and that was an extremely rare circumstance.

amother

Cobalt

Sun, Jun 25 2023, 4:10 am

I really think it depends on what the alternatives are. If your regular guest accomations are good, then it's fine not to. But if they are for some reason less comfortable or - as in my case- there are mobility issues to consider, it's a different story. I will add that until the mobility issues became severe, I did accommodate them in my regular guest room on a higher floor
In my own situation, I have never felt that my parents have invaded my privacy or have left any signs of doing so. In any case there is absolutely nothing private or embarrassing going on in my room when I am not actually in it.