Naming after non frum family

amother

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 2:37 pm

I've heard- mostly on here- that you're not supposed to name babies after non-frum family members.

That's kind of a problem. My firstborn is named after a non-frum relative (on my husbands side) and the baby I'm about to have, IYH, we were planning on naming after a non-frum relative on my side. (We have literally no frum relatives to name after, btw).

Our relatives are still Jewish even if they're not observant, and at the very least, DH's parents would be very upset if we didn't name after their relatives. (My parents could care less).

Is it a problem that my daughter is named after a non-frum relative? I didn't love her name, but DH told me due to parental pressure there was no choice and he felt very strongly about it, so her name is what it is

We have literally one relative who counts as frum to name after. Two, if we go back as far as my family tree can be traced.

Cheiny

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 3:11 pm

amother Orchid wrote:

IMHO - every Jew has done mitzvot, that in itself should be enough to name someone after.

It’s not so simple. There’s the concept that the namesake and who they were, and how they led their lives, has an effect on the baby and the baby’s life going forward. So we want to name after someone who was a yarei shomayim and had good qualities. That’s why people name after tzaddikim, even who weren’t related.

The solution, when you need to name after someone who wasn’t frum, is to add a name, and not call the child by the non-frum person’s name.

That’s what a Rov told me about naming after someone who had certain difficult qualities.

amother

Lime

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 3:13 pm

We discussed this issue with our Rav and were told it was totally fine to name after a non-frum relative, but we should change the name a little. We did this with several of our kids, by either adding a name or taking one away, e.g. if the relative had two Hebrew names we used only one. My non-frum in-laws were totally fine with the changes and still felt we named and honored the deceased.

BH Yom Yom

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 3:18 pm

Sometimes people will name after a frum person with the same name as the deceased, like for example naming Shlomo (after let’s say R’ Shlomo Zalman Auerbach) but telling the non-frum parents that the baby is being named Shlomo “in honor of Great-Uncle Seymour,” whose Hebrew name was Shlomo.

Some non-frum people are happy with the baby’s name starting with the first letter of the deceased’s name (eg naming Sarah, Shifra, etc with an S in honor of Great-Grandma Sally).

Last edited by BH Yom Yom on Mon, Jun 26 2023, 3:19 pm; edited 1 time in total

dena613

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 3:19 pm

oneofakind wrote:

Or have in mind a righteous person with the same name and feel free to use the name.

Ask you LOR, but I was going to post the quoted above.

So say you name after Aunt Bertha whose name was Basya, have in mind when you name her of Basya from the Torah, or Rebbetzin Basya Bender, or any other choshuv Basya.

scintilla

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 3:20 pm

In my circles it is considered a complete non issue, I'm honored to have named after relatives who weren't frum. Ironically, come to think of it (never realized till now) all 4 of my children's namesakes fall into that category! So definitely something to check what your rav's approach is, and especially make sure that you're speaking to someone who understands your situation.

Personally, I would hesitate to name after someone who had bad middos, frum or otherwise. But all the people whose names I have given were wonderful warm people who I/dh/one of our parents had a personal connection with. I'm sure they did many many mitzvos in their life and if they'd had the opportunity to be brought up with/educated properly about Torah and mitzvos, would certainly have been closer to a frum lifestyle. So I was very happy to name after them and love the connection it gives me to my relatives. Just my 2¢!

I'm Chabad, fyi.

amother

Brickred

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 3:20 pm

We were told by Rabbi Yisroel belsky that it’s fine, and we could also have a tzadik with that name in mind.

We were told by our current rav that we could name after a relative that was married to a nonJew (again having someone else in mind too).

Ask your Rav

amother

Marigold

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 3:23 pm

Many of my relatives were not frum. My father was a BT. My parents had no problem naming for non frum relatives and my siblings and I all named our children for our extremely beloved grandparents.
They were incredible people and I'm so honored for my children to carry on their names. They were very proud Jews and it doesn't bother me one bit that they weren't perfectly frum. They were so respectful of our lifestyle even though it was hard for them when their children became more observant.
I miss them so much, I can't imagine not having named for them.

amother

Eggplant

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 3:23 pm

Ask a rav. My husband's grandparents were not frum. His grandfather died right before we started dating and our oldest son was the first grandson born. We asked a shaila and we were asked why they weren't frum. Was it because they rebelled or just didn't know. They asked if they had good midos. We were told we could name after the grandfather and to NOT add a name.

amother

Bronze

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 3:24 pm

Quote:

I've heard- mostly on here- that you're not supposed to name babies after non-frum family members.

Lol. Not rabbonim on here!!!!!!

Ask a Rov.
Never heard of this.

amother

Tealblue

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 3:31 pm

Cheiny wrote:

A non-frum Jew can be a yarei shamayim and have excellent qualities. More so than some frum people I know.

I happen to think this entire "issue" is absolute stupidity, but if it bothers someone that much, go ahead and ask your Rav.

amother

Oldlace

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 4:01 pm

I was told when naming after someone, frum or not frum, to also have in mind that you're naming for that person from tanach or that quality. Like Im not just naming for Grandpa Dovid but also Dovid Hamelech.

amother

Rainbow

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 4:03 pm

Many also hold its not an issue. If you are concerned why not ask your own Rabbi. Those who don't just add or subtract a name or have in mind also a tanach person.

mha3484

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 4:05 pm

My youngest is named for my grandmother. I did not like her hebrew name and also she got it as an adult and its probably questionable if its a real name anyway so I picked a hebrew name that means the same as her name in English. I love the name I chose and I consider it a tribute to her even if its not her actual name.

amother

Burlywood

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 5:09 pm

It never occured to me and my other BT friends NOT to name after our not frum relatives.
My child is named after two not frum grandparents. I hope my grandchild one day, iyh, will be named after my parent.
These relatives raised us and we're good, kind, and upstanding people.

amother

Sienna

Mon, Jun 26 2023, 5:11 pm

oneofakind wrote:

Or have in mind a righteous person with the same name and feel free to use the name.

I was going to suggest this too.