Who pays for birthday gifts…

amother

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 7:13 am

… if your child is 13 y.o.?

She or I?
There is no formal bday party. She knows her friends bday is coming up and she wants to buy her smth.
She gets 20$ pocket money a month plus she earns some through babysitting. Sometimes she turns jobs down. She has no hobbies, does no sport. So she recently she turned down an offer that could bring her a ton of money because she needed to „learn“ for school, which she also didn’t do much.

So, she has a source of income that would allow her to get something little for the friend.
But she is expecting me to fund the gift.

amother

Cognac

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 7:17 am

I pay for gifts for my minor children. (Not counting a cutesy thing like a mug or chocolate bar that kids might buy each other.)

I'm kind of concerned that you think a child that age should be more concerned with earning money than with studying. Even if she didn't study very seriously this time, her job in life is being a student. There is a whole lifetime ahead for earning money.

amother

Midnight

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 7:21 am

amother OP wrote:

Not to derail your post, but this concerns me. Why does a 13 YO need to worry about income?
Yes babysitting money to earn extra pocket money is great, and that should be enough if she wants to spend it on a gift for a friend.

amother

Honeysuckle

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 7:26 am

Parents usually take care of their kids clothing/ gifts and all extra babysitting money is their pocket change no need for actual income in their teens

AlwaysGrateful

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 7:26 am

Wow, I'm surprised about the posts up until now.

Yes, she should pay for her friend's birthday present. I'm kind of confused about why she should think that you have to pay.

When I was a kid, I babysat even though my parents bought me everything I needed and pretty much everything I wanted too. I saved most of the money and used the rest for things like friends' birthday presents.

As a mother, I expect my kids to use their own money for anything that isn't a requirement (school trips, etc.). If I occasionally give them some money to buy a soda or a slice of pizza or something, great, but it's not an expectation. Definitely not presents for their friends.

amother

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 7:31 am

amother Honeysuckle wrote:

Parents usually take care of their kids clothing/ gifts and all extra babysitting money is their pocket change no need for actual income in their teens

She doesn’t need actual income but she gets pocket money.
No need to hang up on the word income. I am just trying to say that there is money in her life. So she could learn to budget.
She is not looking for jobs. She is offered jobs plus I pay her for babysitting.
I buy her necessities but she has to pay for extras. For me, a bday gift is an extra.

amother

Winterberry

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 7:35 am

I make my kids pay for such type of extras. Or at least part of it!
Try it, you’ll see that they suddenly don’t need to buy that much. It’s so much easier to spend your parents’ money than your own!

amother

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 7:45 am

amother Cognac wrote:

I am concerned that she is wasting her time and then wants me to pay for extras. She is concerned with studying but she doesn’t actually study much

amother

Marigold

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 8:03 am

I always pay for gifts if my kids are going to a party. (If they just feel like getting something for a friend just because then they cover that themselves). I never really gave much thought to who should pay. My parents paid for all of my friends' birthday party gifts when I was growing up and since I can afford to do the same, I do.

amother

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 8:11 am

I don’t know if there is an actual party.
Maybe they just get together spontaneously.
I said I would pay if there was a formal event, like if there is a hall or an activity, then I feel obligated tp come with a gift.
However if she just wants to show her attention on her birthday, then it’s on her
Yes or no?

AlwaysGrateful

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 11:38 am

amother Marigold wrote:

When you were a little kid going to a birthday party? Of course.

I doubt that teenagers are having that type of party? My friends and I planned our own birthdays at that point, and we paid for it ourselves...

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 11:46 am

amother OP wrote:

You literally answered your own question.

You give her pocket money for extras. Let her spend her/that money.

amother

Stone

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 11:57 am

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

Your kids pay for there school trips?????????????

I would give a amount like $5 per gift and if she wants to give something bigger it comes from her pocket money.

mommyX2

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 12:20 pm

A friend's bday gift is an extra once they are done with mandatory bday party gifts. So yes if she has some spending money I think it's ok for her to use her own money.