Should I be concerned about this "music"?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 10:02 pm

I found this. My son had left it next to the computer (so you won't think I'm going thru his stuff, even though I would)

KISS Double Platinum - Paul Stanley, Peter Criss, Ace Frehlley, Gene Simmons

and

Bob Seger

Clarissa

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 10:05 pm

Well, it is odd that a young kid would be stuck on music from the 70's and 80's. (j/k -- I really can't answer this, because we're okay with secular music in our home)

Maya

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 10:07 pm

Oh, Clarissa, I was waiting for you to answer. I myself have only heard of Gene Simmons, but never any of his songs, so I assumed they must be artists from years back. Smile

amother

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 10:07 pm

Your son seems like a budding artist.

red sea

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 10:08 pm

thats old music, its not like some of the violent and foul stuff around today that would be like - yeah I guess you could worry.

cassandra

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 10:09 pm

Plus, Gene Simmons is Jewish (Chaim Witz), since I know that's a concern for some....

mumoo

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 10:15 pm

Music from the 70's and 80's is generally more tame than some of the music/lyrics today. As a parent you have to pick your battles-wisely. You know your son; that you would consider going through your child's belongings says you have some questions about him already. Is he screaming for acceptance, attention? Merely listening to music is not a marker for running off the derech, although I will concede it can have serious effects on one's neshoma.

It might not be worth making an issue of it. I recommend trying to connect with your son and give him loving attention in a healthy way. Children have a strong need for a close relationship with their parents and when they feel they don't have that they turn to other quicker routes to pleasure ie music, clothes, etc. Getting angry about this will only give him a stronger need for these pleasurable activities.

Kiss music is loud, Bob Seeger is more folksy.
Off topic-I think Gene Simmons is Jewish.

cookielady

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 10:49 pm

I agree, I would be much happier with old music than todays rap etc. You have to really know when something is worth making an issue over.

Imaonwheels

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 11:50 pm

Kiss is not something I would want in my house. But do be careful and calmly talk to him.

mimivan

Thu, Jul 10 2008, 12:03 am

Wow...
I must be so old...people talking about KISS as if it is tame...
When I was a kid, only the really wild kids listened to KISS
and I think they had some allegations, overtones of "devil worship" or something like that (I don't think they were seriously into avodas zara...it was all this camp thing in the 70s, I guess)

Bob Segar is a bit more tame, but I guess it doesn't matter...it doesn't seem that either CD is something you'd approve of (nor would I)

I wonder if he left it out dafka so you could find it...to see what your reaction would be. Yes, proceed with calmness and caution. Time to have a discussion with him.

momof6

Thu, Jul 10 2008, 12:19 am

Follow your instincts!

cookielady

Thu, Jul 10 2008, 12:23 am

btw, this is not something I would approve of, but one thing I learn over time, you have to know your kid and how to approuch things

BeershevaBubby

Thu, Jul 10 2008, 1:43 am

How old is your son?

Why not come at him with a compromise instead of an ultimatum?

Explain to him that you don't mind the Bob Seger, but you're not sure that KISS is something you want in the house. Ask him if he thinks it's appropriate music for a Yeshiva kid.

If you give him the opportunity to see your point and come around to your way of thinking, you won't have WW III.

And yes, by asking him to come to his own decision, you risk him making what you feel is a wrong choice. But it shows him you respect him and he'll be more open to coming to you again or the next time.

amother

Thu, Jul 10 2008, 7:27 am

op

Thanks for all your responses. I am so clueless. Had no idea if it was old or not. I'm also somewhat relieved that according to the responses it is not as terrible as I had feared based on some of the titles. I will try to listen to some of it in the car today.

It makes sense that you said he's a budding artist because he has friends who are, but what made you say that?

yo'ma

Thu, Jul 10 2008, 7:50 am

**

Last edited by yo'ma on Thu, Jul 10 2008, 8:00 am; edited 1 time in total

Dayzmom

Thu, Jul 10 2008, 7:54 am

It's classic rock, like another poster wrote - much better than today's lyrics. Doesn't mean he doesn't have today's lyrics someplace else.

I think that if you don't want him listening to secular music you should definitely have a talk with him, but once he's been exposed to it, it can be very tough to get him to give it up.

Have an open discussion about what you consider acceptable and see how he's feeling. I don't think you can ban it b/c he'll just be sneakier about it.

Just don't end the discussion in a fight. I think kids want to know that their parents recognize their interests, no matter what they may be. When parents show disapproval many times it comes off as, " They don't care about me unless I am just like them." So tread lightly.

justanothermother

Thu, Jul 10 2008, 8:00 am

You could try these links to read some of the lyrics from songs on that album.

[url=]http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/MAKIN'-LOVE-lyrics-Kiss/A794ADAF66C9EC1448256A8B00048E0D[/url]

hotter than... lyrics

god of thunder lyrics

Some of the songs are more tame, some less so. Your reaction would depend on where you are on the frum spectrum.

Ruchel

Thu, Jul 10 2008, 8:16 am

Yes, inappropriate. Now, it's (for me) just a song. And I was expecting really worse because I was thinking of today's "dirty" vs old time "dirty".

Clarissa

Thu, Jul 10 2008, 8:25 am

I clicked on those KISS lyrics. Mmm, pure poetry there. If it were my kid listening to that tripe, I'd worry about him losing IQ points over time. Just kidding, OP. Such bad lyrics! Honestly, I was around during the KISS era, and I don't remember them being considered dangerous as much as cheesy. It was something really young guys listened to when they wanted to feel like bad boys, not really for the actual bad boys. I'm not saying this about your son, but I just mean they weren't actually so bad -- more like something theatrical, with all of the makeup and the sticking out the tongue thing. I guess kids go through different phases of enjoying different "cool" influences. My nine year old likes the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He has no idea what the lyrics mean. He winds up getting into whoever he hears at school or at someone's house. Last year someone introduced him to Don McLean's "American Pie" (one of my favorites from my youth) and that was on all the time. Recently it was Simon and Garfunkel, whom I love. Maybe when he's a teenager I'll get more concerned with musical influences, because he'll actually understand lyrics. Now he just sits with his I-Pod earphones on, nodding his head to the beat.

If this isn't the kind of music you're comfortable with, have a talk and explain why. Do it with respect. Tell him that words mean something, that the words and the message of a song aren't incidental, and that we don't surround ourselves with music that is negative, the same way we don't immerse ourselves in other negative things. Explain why you find it negative. I think it works better as a heart-to-heart where the kid is treated with respect.

If all secular music is problematic, then explain why, but I'd also do it with respect. Alienating a teenager is really easy.

Last edited by Clarissa on Thu, Jul 10 2008, 9:43 am; edited 1 time in total

cookielady

Thu, Jul 10 2008, 9:38 am

Clarissa wrote:

If this isn't the kind of music you're comfortable with, have a talk and explain why. Do it with respect. Tell him that words mean something, that the words and the message of a song isn't incidental, and that we don't surround ourselves with music that is negative, the same way we don't immerse ourselves in other negative things. Explain why you find it negative. I think it works better as a heart-to-heart where the kid is treated with respect.

If all secular music is problematic, then explain why, but I'd also do it with respect. Alienating a teenager is really easy.

Very well said.

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