From Boys to Men (Zimmerman)

amother

Tue, Jul 04 2023, 8:31 pm

Anyone willing to tell me about this book? I’m thinking of buying it for my 14yo ds.
We’ve discussed some of these things before obviously but in rather vague terms. I think he would be uncomfortable if dh and I make it an “official talk” but I do want him to know that we’re here to discuss and I want him to be able to look up things he’s not sure about if he’s too shy to ask us. He’s very erlich, the type of boy who wouldn’t go online to search for such things.
Does the book discuss the basic facts of biology (intimacy, m[a]sturbation, attraction etc) in addition to the torah perspective in a neutral scientific way? if so did you find it aligned with your way of thinking? What topics does it cover?
Many many thanks

Edited to correct typo

amother

Aqua

Tue, Jul 04 2023, 8:47 pm

I was interested in this book too and went to a book store to check it out. I wanted a book that I would be able to give to my teenage sons to read on their own however after taking a quick look through it, I realized that it's a great book for guiding parents on how to have detailed discussions with their sons but it is not geared as a book to actually give to your teen son to read...that's just the way and style its written in. It has a lot of explaining on how to give over the info to ur son, how to discuss their feelings on hearing sensitive info etc...
If anyone finds a book thst is geared for the teens themselves then please let me know.

amother

Tue, Jul 04 2023, 8:55 pm

Thanks Aqua that’s very helpful - I am very much looking for something to give him to read. I actually think I know how to talk to him about it if he has questions just find it difficult to open the conversation because I don’t know how much he knows and what he understood in the past from our talks and I also want him to feel taken care of in the sense that his parents want to make sure he has the info.
Grey do you feel it worked to give to your sons? How old were they? Would you have done it if they didn’t ask? Could you maybe ask yours sons what they think, if it’s something parents can give their ds, if they would recommend it?

amother

Gray

Tue, Jul 04 2023, 11:37 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm very open with my sons and spoke to them about the facts of life slowly but progressively from about 10-15 years old when they then communicated that they are no longer comfortable discussing these things with me, so I backed down. I bought both books mentioned, the other is a small pamphlet with not as much information as I had expected but I kept it anyway on the chance that something in it would be beneficial to one of my boys. You know, sometimes someone says the exact same thing in different words and only then it clicks into the brain, so I wanted to keep it around for them just in case.
So they read both books only after years of already knowing the information, it wasn't a clean slate. So it's hard to know. They told me they already knew everything in both books so then the books were a good review for them apparently.
I kind of left the books lying around to see if they'd pick them up, and they did. They were interested, and I explained that the Zimmerman book is addressing parents but they are welcome to read it anyway and see if maybe they'll learn something new.
I can't ask my sons because they're all away for the summer but I read both books and the Zimmerman book is extremely informative about the different issues boys face, in a professional way though, not exactly reader-friendly for teens. As a review or for extra information I would definitely give it to boys, but it's not really for teaching them straight.
For example a lot of it is describing to the parents what should be said to the child. So that would be kind of awkward reading for the child.
There is a chapter on [filth] which I specifically wanted one of my sons to read because his classmates exposed him to it this year and that was helpful. Again not a complete thorough lesson to the child but still good information to know and review.

amother

Slategray

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 6:57 pm

I bought the book recently after watching Rabbi Zimmerman in a podcast. The book is really a guide to parents (and also educators) to open discussion with their sons. He writes that one of the main purposes is to foster that open relationship with your child so that they can be open with you too. My oldest son is just at the age where he is learning a little too much from older boys, so I hope my husband & I can have open conversations with our children about these things before he learns it from other places.