Publicizing Hashem's Kindness-a nishmas story(long)

amother

Thu, Jul 20 2023, 10:34 am

Dh and I were went through a few very hard months.

I'm going to stay vague for anonymity, but there was a issue where a decision had been made . It was in an area where I would usually defer to his judgement, but I had a strong, overpowering feeling that the decision that had been made was very very wrong. The problem was two fold: first I had to convince dh that the decision was disastrous, then we had to make a better decision.

What followed was perhaps the worst, ugliest, longest conflict of our 15+ year marriage. We couldn't get past the first part, and for the first time, daas Torah and seeking advice didn't help, as dh was completely unwilling to even consider that the decision needed rethinking, and was angry that I had brought it up. On my end, I told him with complete honesty that all I needed was for him to show me how the decision made sense considering a list of real concerns. I was willing to follow any guidance he chose, but it didn't even get there. It was an extremely trying time as it developed into a weeks long fight, such that we'd never had.

At some point, I decided that I would take on a small extra part in davening. It was at a point where things were getting worse and worse and the kids were seeing and hearing things they should not have seen and were almost getting involved.

I'm not a believer in vending machine religion. In fact, it always irks me when people talk about nishmas or other segulas as if they're ways to get around Hashem, like ways to beat the system. But I decided to do it, more for my deteriorating relationship and household but also for help in the decision. And I decided that I would try to say this extra tefillah, then also nishmas, both with a happy, grateful heart, for 40 days.

No big change occured but things slowly calmed down, very slowly...dh saw the light and agreed to rethink. But then we had to make a new decision and we kept hitting walls and dead ends everywhere we turned. We're part of a large, supportive community and yet no matter how many well meaning people tried to assist, and in fact were positive they could assist, all we got were dead ends.

On day 32, we came to the end of the road. Nothing would work out and there were no more avenues to try. Our choice was either the original bad choice, or an even worse one that looked very risky.

On day 33, with a completely spontaneous phone call, a new possibility opened. They couldn't make any promises, they said, but they would take a look and consider our case.

On day 40, I got a call back. They needed one final meeting, which we arranged for that night.

On day 41, in the evening, I got a call that they had agreed. His exact words were "we really didn't know, but it all came together in a day. Xyz happened, and also abc, efg...it all just came together in a day."

ישועת ה' כהרף עין

קוה אל ה' חזק

We are so grateful to Hashem.