Why cant we get along with each other?

BH Yom Yom

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 10:22 am

It’s easier to see those who are different than us as “other” and fixate on the differences, instead of what we have in common. This netiya serves a purpose in some situations, but it’s easy to take it way over the top.

I don’t understand why that has to translate into being mean to others though.

NechaMom

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 10:25 am

amother Salmon wrote:

You're right but then they pee in the pool.

You can like others but dislike their behavior. It doesn’t have to be a contradiction. But you need to work on yourself to be on that level. I’m definitely not there yet.

amother

Salmon

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 10:32 am

NechaMom wrote:

You can like others but dislike their behavior. It doesn’t have to be a contradiction. But you need to work on yourself to be on that level. I’m definitely not there yet.

My comment was meant to be seemingly simple yet layered statement.

It's easy to believe in the ideal of loving everyone and getting along. It's when it comes to the nitty-gritty and the passionate values that true colors show.

Just put five of the current threads together and it's easy to see why this is a struggle and balancing act for everyone.

It's because we care. We care about the Torah values, we care about human frailty and fragility and we all have experiences that frame our perspectives.

It's all koombaya until it isn't. Lest we mistaken that for sinos chinom, its due to passion, belief and challenges.

I feel like the Berditchever.

amother

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 11:30 am

BH Yom Yom wrote:

Even though you know that if you accept someone even if they dress differently than you act in a way you think is assur. ALL your tzaros will go away?

amother

Lightpink

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 11:41 am

NechaMom wrote:

You can like others but dislike their behavior. It doesn’t have to be a contradiction. But you need to work on yourself to be on that level. I’m definitely not there yet.

I'm not so sure about that. If your neighbor blasts music all hours of the day so that you can't open your window all summer, can you really "like the person and not their behavior"?

There are a million examples like this. Someone on my sisters block doesn't let anyone park in front of his house. If the spot is open and he sees someone take it he comes running out yelling and screaming to move. Can we like this person?

Basically what it comes down to is if another persons behavior is imposing on you it's hard to respect them and get along. I realize today is tisha b'av but I'm just being honest. Can you "like" the person in the above examples?

amother

Magnolia

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 11:51 am

amother OP wrote:

Even though you know that if you accept someone even if they dress differently than you act in a way you think is assur. ALL your tzaros will go away?

Not sure where you get that from. I’m a verrrry non judgmental and accepting person. I truly believe it’s not my place to judge anyone and rarely, if ever, get upset at, or dislike anyone (don’t worry, I have plenty of other faults). None of my tzaros appear to be going away.

(Being an accepting and non judgmental person makes me happy and at peace on an internal level but I don’t think you should tell people to become that way in effort to get rid of all their tzaros)

amother

Amethyst

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 12:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

Even though you know that if you accept someone even if they dress differently than you act in a way you think is assur. ALL your tzaros will go away?

Im very confused. I am a live and let live person. I grew up with parents who instilled in me to love all jews no matter how different than me they were.
And Ive had so many tzaros in my life.
So whst now? I dont understand your connecting ones tzaros and judging others.

NechaMom

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 12:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

Even though you know that if you accept someone even if they dress differently than you act in a way you think is assur. ALL your tzaros will go away?

I was confused with this sentence from your first post. I thought you meant Moshiach will come and the tzaros will go away, otherwise I know many special nonjudgmental people who have a life full of tzaros.

NechaMom

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 12:16 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

The level I aspire to is even though I hate their behavior I can still be compassionate towards them and be DLKZ that I might not have been better if I’d have their upbringing, life situation, weaknesses, personality.... again I’m far from that level.

gottago

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 12:22 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

Yes. You can like this person. Their behavior is annoying and they are difficult to deal with. But if you separate that from the person, you could accept that they have some hangup that you don't understand, but aside from that behavior (or those behaviors) they are likeable.

You could also be dlkz and think about what trauma or pain they must be dealing with that causes that behavior.

Raindance

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 12:32 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

You can feel sorry for them that they don't know how to be more sensitive to others. You can think that for sure they've been hurt somehow if they act like this and you can have compassion on them.
You can even think that they might have OCD or any other mental illness that shines through in these specific scenarios. And you can for sure love them deep, deep down and wish and daven for being able to like them more as people.

amother

Lightpink

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 12:37 pm

gottago wrote:

I don't think we are supposed to separate a person from their behavior. That's what makes the person who they are. We would never tell our children to separate a possible shidduch's behavior from the person. The value of a person is their middos and behavior.

I agree with you that we should always try to be DLKZ.