Wierd doctor encounter

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 2:48 pm

I had this situation while at kids pediatrician. Wonder what your thoughts are.

I told the doctor that my baby's eyes tear up quickly and overflow. He said her tearduct might be blocked and I should massage it. He walks over to me. Puts his finger on my nose and starts massaging it.

It happened as quickly as you read that. He didn't ask anything or tell me he'll show it on me. Just took his finger and started massaging me.

I'm not feeling violated, I'm ok. But I think it was really not appropriate on his end. In todays day and age there is so much talk about unwanted touch, even as innocent as rubbing nose. He should've either showed me on himself, or on my baby, or ask if it's ok to touch me.

I'm sure he had no bad intention for doing it. I'm just so wierded out that he thinks it's ok.

English3

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 2:51 pm

Totally not appropriate.

scruffy

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 2:55 pm

Weird and unprofessional, but I wouldn't view it as a red flag unless there are other things about him making you uncomfortable.

amother

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 2:57 pm

scruffy wrote:

Weird and unprofessional, but I wouldn't view it as a red flag unless there are other things about him making you uncomfortable.

I'm not taking it as a red flag. I just can't get over the fact that he thinks it's ok to do this. He's not an older guy who's our of todays norms.

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 2:58 pm

I'm sensitive to these things too, however since in the very large outside, non-religious Jewish world touch btwn opposite genders is normal, from handshakes to pats on the shoulder to even hugs, to me I imagine he was trying to illustrate the level of pressure.

Yes it would've been more sensitive/refinded to ask first "can I demonstrate to you level of pressure?" but I would've seen what he did like this & while little surprised, not creeped out.

SG18

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 3:25 pm

Weird in any circle. He could have offered to demonstrate on you, or on your baby. Not normal to just touch a patient's mother.

Goody2shoes

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 3:56 pm

amother Dodgerblue wrote:

Nothing to do with religion.He could have demonstrated this on himself instead of touching OP. It's never OK to touch anyone without asking.

amother

Camellia

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 4:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

Was it a pa at a Lakewood practice?

amother

Stonewash

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 4:30 pm

Really really weird

He should have demonstrated on the baby and not on you

smss

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 5:12 pm

Very weird. I would have been thrown off even if it was a female doctor, honestly.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 5:17 pm

Inappropriate.
I would call the dr's office and tell the secretary what happened.
I had a Dr abuse me once and I never said anything. Really should have. These dr's don't deserve to be dr's

amother

Mulberry

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 5:24 pm

Extremely weird OP. It makes no difference to the weirdness of it but was he jewish? that would make it even weirder.

amother

Pearl

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 5:26 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

Inappropriate.
I would call the dr's office and tell the secretary what happened.
I had a Dr abuse me once and I never said anything. Really should have. These dr's don't deserve to be dr's

This isn’t abuse.

amother

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 5:27 pm

amother Mulberry wrote:

Extremely weird OP. It makes no difference to the weirdness of it but was he jewish? that would make it even weirder.

Frum doctor
I'm chassidish.

As a poster above said, would also be super wierd if would be women doc.

smss

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 5:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

Frum doctor
I'm chassidish.

As a poster above said, would also be super wierd if would be women doc.

So it's even creepier to me if it's a frum male doctor because this isn't an excuse for negiah, there was no medical need.

Now I'm feeling like you should report...

amother

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 5:30 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

Inappropriate.
I would call the dr's office and tell the secretary what happened.
I had a Dr abuse me once and I never said anything. Really should have. These dr's don't deserve to be dr's

I think it's extreme.
He is a great doctor. It didn't feel abusive. He's not s-xually inappropriate. Just inappropriate overall.
More like never got the memo that this is not ok? He's also very quick, like a bit adhd type. I think he just wanted to show me quick.

amother

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 5:32 pm

smss wrote:

So it's even creepier to me if it's a frum male doctor because this isn't an excuse for negiah, there was no medical need.

Now I'm feeling like you should report...

I'm not excusing his behavior. I opened the thread cause I think he was wrong.

But it wasn't done in a creepy way. He works quickly and probably didn't think about it a second after.

amother

Mulberry

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 5:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

Frum doctor
I'm chassidish.

As a poster above said, would also be super wierd if would be women doc.

At least if it was not jewish you could say that hilchos negiah don't apply and maybe this would be somewhat less weird. But if you are saying he is jewish and you are chassidish - beyond weird.

I would not report because that's just me but I would not feel okay seeing him again.

Hugs- you were violated in some way. Not necessarily abused but it was a boundary cross.

amother

Moccasin

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 5:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

That is very odd and I would be upset and uncomfortable if a doctor did that to me. Especially as you were not even the patient. I feel like most normal doctors would've demonstrated what to do on your baby who had the teary ducts. The options are either he's socially off, it's just the way he does things, or he's a creep. I'm sorry he did this.

Edit: he's a frum doctor??? This is basically moving straight into creepy territory then.

amother

Pearl

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 5:53 pm

Not excusing the touch, but he was likely demonstrating how much pressure to use. Noses are sensitive.

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