Comment to DH at restaurant, WWYD?

Rachel Shira

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 9:27 am

I’m sure she just meant that she knows the dessert options. But it definitely came across wrong. She should phrase it differently, but I wouldn’t be concerned that she meant it in an off way.

amother

Dahlia

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 9:41 am

amother Cerulean wrote:

To me it sounds like she wanted to tell him that she knows the desert menu by heart and she could tell him what there is.

This.

naturalmom5

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 9:41 am

amother Lightblue wrote:

I happen to think your husband read into this the wrong way.

Either way,
It's not illegal to flirt with customers. It doesn't sound like she was harassing anyone. This is pretty typical behavior of waitresses in the non-Jewish world--they want extra $$$ for good service.

Be honored that someone thinks your husband is attractive and move on.

Exactly , maybe Mr Collel man should get his head out of the street and back into a mussar sefer

amother

Cyan

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 9:43 am

amother Lightblue wrote:

If you want to call, call. You are allowed to call about things that aren't illegal.

amother

Cyan

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 9:43 am

naturalmom5 wrote:

Exactly , maybe Mr Collel man should get his head out of the street and back into a mussar sefer

Why the attitude?!

tichellady

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 9:46 am

Don’t call. You will sound ridiculous. Also English is probably not her first language and something may have gotten lost in translation. You were not there and don’t know what happened and I would just leave it be. If your husband feels he wants to call then he can since he was actually there.

amother

DarkYellow

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 9:50 am

naturalmom5 wrote:

Exactly , maybe Mr Collel man should get his head out of the street and back into a mussar sefer

I think he actually has his head in a sefer, hence the misreading of the situation. For the folks that go often to a restaurant, we're able to understand the lingo and context. But it can be easily lost on a person who has little experience with the outside world.

OP, I'd chalk it up to this and just let it go. If there's any uncertainty if the waitress was indeed inappropriate, I'd let it slide rather than impact someone's job. If she does behave in an inappropriate manner, then it's high likely that she'll do it to others and it will then get raised to management.

amother

Jasmine

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 9:51 am

amother Lightblue wrote:

I also think husband misinterpreted, and she meant that she's going to recite instead of bringing s printed many

However I do not agree with you on behavior bejng ok. NOT OK in a kosher atmosphere to flirt and manager needs to stop it (if it's happening).

amother

Oatmeal

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 9:56 am

None of us were there to know the tone of voice & body language.

It's beautiful op that your husband is so sensitive & that you're close enough & have that kind of rapport that he ran it by you!

Not related but it bothers me sometimes how at kosher restaurants that there are often very pretty waitresses in tight clothese, but there's nothing anyone can do about that.

I'd honestly be surprised if it accomplished anything but I might call the restaurant & just mention that while the waitress didn't do anything wrong, nevertheless at a kosher restaurant you expect more refinement due to often religious people coming in, not giving free drinks & cute comments & then at the least you did your part.

amother

Jade

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 10:03 am

I think everyone is overreacting.
I went to the Dunkin by the butcher and clothing store and candy store. I ordered things using only rewards. The teenager working there gave me double and told me it was a present. Don’t think he was flirting with me. I said I only ordered one and he said you got one free. Then he said actually you got two free!
If the waitress was Asian, and I hope this doesn’t come across as racist, something could’ve gotten lost in translation. I know that when I’m in Israel and I say something in Hebrew it can come out funny.
The free alcohol-most places that serve alcohol give out free drinks with the hope that you’ll order more. Like airplanes. Now, if she would’ve come over and said here’s a drink from the lady over there, that would’ve been flirting.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 10:08 am

OP, def tell the manager. If its a miscommunication, he will still be able to fix it.
If she was flirting or not, its still a terrible answer for a waitress to a customer.
The wrong customer might take her up on it and she might be hurt. Or there is a serious problem in that restaurant.

NechaMom

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 10:16 am

These things are best resolved on the spot. Your DH should’ve asked “what do you mean” and give her a chance to explain. Impossible for us to guess what she implied and ridiculous to call the restaurant a day later. Sounds a bit paranoid honestly.
Makes the most sense that she knows the menu and there isn’t a printed one. If you have time on your hands you can drive by and try to order just dessert and see if they have a printed menu.

amother

Azalea

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 10:20 am

tichellady wrote:

I would call. I don't think that expression the waitress used is appropriate for a frum establishment.

amother

Calendula

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 10:21 am

amother OP wrote:

My FIL flew into town for shabbos so my Dh and him went out to the local kosher thai restaurant for dinner tonight.
Afterwards when I asked my dh how it went, he told me that when he asked about the dessert menu at the end, their waitress responded, “I’m your dessert menu.”
My jaw literally dropped when he told me I couldn’t believe how inappropriate her comment was. My husband is clearly a kollel man but I think her joke is unacceptable regardless.
Wwyd? Would you call the restaurant to complain or just let it go?

What are you protecting him from?

egam

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 10:22 am

B'Siyata DiShamaya wrote:

OP has no business of calling the manager. She wasn’t there. By the looks of it, her husband misinterpreted what was said and when he shared it with the OP, he passed that misconception down describing his perception of events.
This is a game of a broken phone that can cost someone their job.

icedcoffee

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 10:22 am

I think you'll feel silly if you call and have to wait for a manager to come to the phone and then tell this story. I would personally just chalk it up to the waitress coming across the wrong way and move past it. Saying something in the moment is one thing, but a wife calling up days later for something like this is extreme.

Quote:

I might call the restaurant & just mention that .... you expect more refinement due to often religious people coming in, not giving free drinks....

As a customer who enjoys getting free stuff at restaurants with good customer service, I'd be annoyed if someone called and told them to stop! There are certain places where I always get a little wink wink add-on, whether it's a drink or a babaganoush platter. If you guys don't want to go back to this place, fine, but let the rest of us have our free drinks!

amother

Azalea

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 10:24 am

egam wrote:

There's nothing wrong with OP calling and telling the restaurant that the expression "I am your dessert menu" is unprofessional and inappropriate for a frum establishment.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 10:32 am

NechaMom wrote:

No, No, No, best to ignore and tell manager later. To ask what she meant would seem like a response and interest. If her dh felt uncomfortable, then why respond?

amother

Oldlace

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 10:32 am

I can't believe how many people are downplaying this comment. It's extremely out of place and definitely insinuating something, don't be naive!