How do I relax about having a clean house?

thegiver

Mon, Sep 11 2023, 12:29 am

Every morning I start and end my day with cleaning wayyyy past when everyone else is asleep. I want it to be a happy home but instead I feel tense inside from cleaning all the time. Food toys socks plates clothes trash bins. I do settle for less: The bathrooms are just barely ok. The floors aren’t spotless. (Can’t afford cleaning help at the moment!!! Not feeding the kids pb sandwiches for dinner in order to afford the help either!!)

Should I make peace with the mess? The point is to have an open mind but in the process I am creating a lot of unnecessary tension in my home.

How do you make cleanup a positive productive happy family activity instead of chasing ppl around and micromanaging and secretly/openly feeling resentful?

I think if I just pretended that cleaning was fun the kids would clean more willingly.

I know the goal is an open mind that comes from the serenity of a clean but in the process I am closing up my heart.

MyUsername

Mon, Sep 11 2023, 4:06 am

Read this book! Has practical tips to make keeping house easier, how/what to prioritize, but most importantly - how not to be judgemental about your house or yourself just based on how neat things are. Not a long book, easy read. Highly recommended!

https://www.amazon.com/How-Kee.....02841

myname1

Mon, Sep 11 2023, 4:52 am

I have similar issues, and don't even have a clean OR stress-free house to show for it many days, so no real advice. But you said "Food toys socks plates clothes trash bins." That's a very varied list, and I'm thinking if things are tackled separately, you might get some progress. Like someone else asked, how old are your kids? What exactly do you want to get done in a less stressful or difficult manner?
Food- sweeping the floor? Wiping the table? Dishes in the sink? Food in the fridge?
Toys- are kids playing and leaving the toys everywhere? Should they reasonably be able to clean it up? Would better bins make it easier for them to fit everything inside?
Socks/clothes- kids not putting dirty laundry in hampers? Could they? Maybe with a prize at the end of the week to get used to it? Maybe a little kid would like to go with a bike/shopping cart "delivering"?
I don't know if these kinds of things work with your kids, but maybe give more details of what you need to work better and people may have suggestions.

SuperWify

Mon, Sep 11 2023, 5:07 am

My dh always reminds me that I have 2 choices:

-clean my whole life and throughout the entire day stressing over every mess instead of enjoying my day

Or

-let things go a bit during the day and clean only once the kids are in bed/school

myname1

Mon, Sep 11 2023, 5:25 am

SuperWify wrote:

Yeah, my dh seems to have the same philosophy. And it's SO SO frustrating when I come home or wake up after dh has been alone with the kids and the house is a total disaster! I'd rather wipe up spills and messes a bit as they happen then let it pile up for the evening. But could be your version is a bit more balanced.

SuperWify

Mon, Sep 11 2023, 5:37 am

myname1 wrote:

No, ill explain more. Spills and big messes are obviously cleaned up as they occur. No point in leaving sticky juice all over the floor. I’ll throw a towel over it and dry it but the deep cleaning part- the mopping- will wait till after bedtime. Also, I do ask the kids to help put away an activity once it’s over and they want next one this way messes don’t pile. They must also throw their garbage out. That’s all the expectations I have of them at this point Wink

The rest is on me.

zaq

Mon, Sep 11 2023, 4:56 pm

Make peace with the mess and don't be a slave to unrealistic standards.

Yes, train your dc (and dh if necessary) to take on some age-appropriate responsibilities. (They'll grumble, of course, but eventually they'll be grateful. Or their spouses will be.) This is just as much a part of responsible chinuch as teaching them to make brachot and not to switch off lights on Shabbat. Don't expect perfection and don't re-do the job for them, just appreciate that things are somewhat less messy than they were before.

Just as it's unreasonable to expect to walk on the beach and not get sand between your toes, so is it unreasonable to expect a home full of young children to be clean and neat all the time. Or even much of the time. Even if you have a cleaner coming in once a week or daily, as soon as that person walks out the door, things start to fall apart.

Not to worry, some day the kids will grow up and move out, and then you can go right back to your usual programming and enjoy a spotless house if you still care about such things.

windchime

Mon, Sep 11 2023, 11:29 pm

zaq wrote:

Make peace with the mess and don't be a slave to unrealistic standards.

Yes, train your dc (and dh if necessary) to take on some age-appropriate responsibilities. (They'll grumble, of course, but eventually they'll be grateful. Or their spouses will be.) This is just as much a part of responsible chinuch as teaching them to make brachot and not to switch off lights on Shabbat. Don't expect perfection and don't re-do the job for them, just appreciate that things are somewhat less messy than they were before.

Just as it's unreasonable to expect to walk on the beach and not get sand between your toes, so is it unreasonable to expect a home full of young children to be clean and neat all the time. Or even much of the time. Even if you have a cleaner coming in once a week or daily, as soon as that person walks out the door, things start to fall apart.

Not to worry, some day the kids will grow up and move out, and these precious moments will be gone forever. So treasure them and prioritize your home's neglect over your kiddosand then you can go right back to your usual programming and enjoy a spotless house if you still care about such things.

Love this, and would add the above.