Adhd teen having trouble with shabbos

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 2:32 pm

He doesn't want to hate shabbos, he has actually asked for help to make it more manageable. But he is having a hard time. He is recently bar mitzvah. Shul is a struggle. He goes, but is not able to sit through the whole thing and often just wanders around, popping in and out of davening. He goes to kiddush, which he enjoys. But then he's not that hungry for lunch and lasts at the lunch table for about 10 minutes before wandering off. He likes to read but isn't the type to get lost in a book or devour it, so reading only takes up an hour or so. He learns a little with dh, but when I say a little, it really is a little. Can't handle more than 20-30 minutes. We have sooooo many long games (Risk, Monopoly, Settlers, etc) and he'll play them, but not long enough to take up the whole afternoon. Does not like playing outside. Will sometimes go out with other boys in the neighborhood, but only certain boys (socializing is hard, so he'll only do it under comfortable for him conditions) so if those boys are not around, he won't go out. I don't really know what else to do to make shabbos less boring for him. I want him to love and appreciate shabbos so that he doesn't chv seek other avenues, but I'm at a real loss.

naomi2

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 2:57 pm

Maybe medication will help with his quality of life if he can focus longer on each of the activities he enjoys

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 3:05 pm

My teen dc NEEDS his/her Ritalin on Shabbos even more than school days.
Gamechanger.

watergirl

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 3:10 pm

I have a child with ADHD and we never skip a day of meds. It's simply unfair to the child. You would never tell someone with diabetes to take a day off their insulin, to "take a break" and try to manage on their own.

If your child is suffering on shabbos, which it seems clear he is, and therefor developing negative associations with shabbos - the frustration, the boredom, the constant negative attention, the pressure to control that which he can not control on his own - he needs the meds.

amother

Eggplant

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 3:11 pm

OP never said anything about meds, how do you all know that her son is not on them?

amother

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 4:20 pm

Yes sorry. Should have said, he is on meds and takes them on shabbos. Still not enough to prevent struggles.

behappy2

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 4:24 pm

What does he do during the week? Is it just that it's a very long day?

Can he go visit an aunt, grandparent?

momtra

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 4:34 pm

Does he complain that he’s bored? Or is it something you’re noticing? Sometimes kids ( especially after a long week of doing things that he may find challenging) are actually ok with “ doing nothing” . And it does sound like he has a routine somewhat.

amother

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 4:38 pm

behappy2 wrote:

What does he do during the week? Is it just that it's a very long day?

Can he go visit an aunt, grandparent?

He does pretty well in school. I think there's more structure, more movement between subjects/activities and he has some additional support at school. Plus, in all honesty, in the afternoons at home, he does have some screen time after his homework is done. I think shabbos may be harder due to less structure and fewer options for activities. We don't really have people to visit other than the few friends he agrees to.

amother

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 4:38 pm

momtra wrote:

Yes, he's complaining and miserable and wants more ideas because he's starting to hate and resent shabbos.

potato kugal

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 4:41 pm

Does he like Legos? Reading novels? Puzzles?

Last edited by potato kugal on Tue, Sep 12 2023, 4:46 pm; edited 1 time in total

momtra

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 4:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes, he's complaining and miserable and wants more ideas because he's starting to hate and resent shabbos.

Ugh. I’m sorry.
I know it’s not a long term solution- but at least the days are getting shorter now ( maybe I’m just projecting😬)
Hatzlacha!

amother

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 4:45 pm

I have another child who is super into Lego, not this one. He'll sometimes play Lego with that brother, but as with everything else, he's done with it after half an hour before needing to do something else...

mha3484

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 4:48 pm

I don't sit well also ADHD and I like to be busy on shabbos. I am the one walking my kids to their friends, going to the park, pirchei etc. If you have younger kids can he help you with this stuff? Can he help set up kiddush? What else can he do to be busy in a productive shabbosdik way?

AlwaysGrateful

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 4:54 pm

He needs to be productively busy.

Can he help set up for a kiddush? Clean up the sefarim in shul? Is there a kid with special needs that he can visit and hang out with, even for a short time? Can he make a minyan at a local nursing home or hospital that needs it? Is there a neighbor with a couple of little energetic boys that he could help out with?

It's less about finding things for him to do, and more about finding things that feel productive to him, that give him a dopamine rush. (Speaking as someone with ADHD who has kids with ADHD too.)

amother

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 5:00 pm

He's definitely happy to help out and play with younger siblings but it never lasts super long. Also because of adhd he's a little immature and doesn't always act his age so when younger siblings start making a mess/getting destructive...he kind of joins in.

Page 1 of 1