How do you make sure each kid gets enough attention>

mha3484

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 12:55 pm

I have 5 kids 2.5 to almost bar mitzvah. I feel like they all get enough attention but I cant quantify a number. I take different kids on errands, they all have very different bed times so there is usually time between each kid to have some individual time.

amother

Lightcyan

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 1:14 pm

Depends on the day. My younger 2 get more attention at bedtime. My oldest after everyone goes to sleep and the 2nd right after she comes home. This is school day. Other days is varies. Why do people analyze this? Unless you ignore them, your kids will be fine.

amother

Hydrangea

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 1:34 pm

B”H I have a small family (I cried about this for a long time). I probably spend 4-5 hours a night with my 2 girls, as they do homework in the kitchen and dining room (so they are in separate rooms) and I stay downstairs. They definitely get alone time- often one is at a friend or at dance, or hanging out with Daddy. Hard to quantify how much time.

Honestly, in hindsight my small family has made it much easier on me. If I could tell my younger self anything, it would be to make peace with my small family. Hats off to large families. I don’t know how you do it.

amother

Lavender

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 1:45 pm

Give them quality time. When they are around, put your phone down and look at them in the face. Make eye contact. Notice details about them. Compliment them on something you noticed that they did.
You are their mirror. They see their reflection in you. Show them that they are worthy valuable human beings.

amother

NeonYellow

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 1:51 pm

I use the 10 minute bonding trick. Every day I sit with each kid for 10 minutes allowing them to choose what they wanna do. Sometimes they want to take a walk, sometimes they want to play a game, sometimes they just want to sit and talk. One child likes to sit quietly next to me if he’s feeling very overwhelmed. The point is not to force anything on them to bond, but let them choose what works for them. I have seen the most amazing results, ranging from behavior in daycare, to a child that was being bullied coming out stronger.
I make sure to have supper in the making by the time they come home from school. Priority number one.

Good luck

amother

Navy

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 1:52 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

Beautiful post.

AlwaysGrateful

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 2:37 pm

I honestly think that the poll is asking for something that's not possible for moms of many kids. I don't think that my kid needs more than an hour of time one-on-one with me each week in order to feel connected to me.

When I sit and shmooze with my kids over breakfast, I am spending time with them, even if it's not one on one.
When I give two kids a bath together and laugh at their antics, I am spending time with them.
When we eat dinner together as a family and chat about our days, I am spending time with them.
When a few kids get home from school at the same time, and they each get a few minutes (with the others listening and chiming in) to talk about their day, I am spending time with them.
When I play a game with several of them at once, I am spending time with them.
When I putter around the kitchen and a few kids stay in there with me and shmooze, I am spending time with them.

So yes, I do think it's important for each child to have occasional one-on-one time with a parent. With younger kids that might be bedtime, with older kids it might be when you're driving them to an appointment or when they come home after the younger kids are asleep and want to chat. But they don't need an hour plus of Mommy time every week. I don't think we have to put that pressure on already-stressed parents who are doing a great job.

amother

Crocus

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 2:54 pm

jeg wrote:

Any tips for making sure each kid gets enough attention? How much time do your kids get one-one one with you each week? I feel like I can't seem to give my kids enough mama time.

Look them in the eyes when you talk to them. Make sure each kid finishes his conversation with you.

'I'm talking to Srulli now, then I'll listen to you'

And if you can bring one along for a grocery trip or post office or walk every so often.

It's more about actually SPENDING the time together. It can even be that the kid is the one who picks the book everyone reads together.

Being heard, having opinions and everyday conversations that MATTER to the parent makes kids thrive.

amother

Canary

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 3:00 pm

I try for 10 minutes individual attention per child per day. This is the emotional baseline I was taught by Rebetzin Spetner. There are other things you need to do throughout the day to reach the emotional baseline - like enough physical touch and a few other things...