Rav said "Its assur to leave before Havdala" on Yom Kipur?

amother

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 1:34 am

Im 99% sure the Rav of my Shul said tonight, on Yom Kippur, "Its assur to leave before hearing Havdala".

Ive always left after Shofar blowing. I go home to prepare food.

He didnt say its assur for men to leave before hearing Havdala.

Most of the women left after Shofar blowing, before Havdala.

Im confused.

addicted2techgirl

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 1:44 am

Assur is a very strong term to use. When it comes to fasting, most will allow for the most leniency possible. So I hope he meant that if ur doing well, please stay for havdala.

amother

Bisque

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 1:48 am

He might have meant it's assur to prepare dinner (or doing any melacha) before hearing havdala which I've heard as well.
It can't be assur to leave after shofar and before havdala because many women don't make it to shofar at all. They certainly don't hear havdala in shul.

amother

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 1:50 am

Iymnok wrote:

Leave or eat?

DH comes home much later.

Are women like me, whose husbands come home much later, not allowed to drink water or eat before they hear Havdala?

Is it a Mitzvah to extend a fast?

amother

Magnolia

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 1:52 am

He probably said eat...the vowels are the same! Because It is assur to eat before havdalah, and he was probably reminding everyone that even though they're hungry, they need to hear havdalah first

amother

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 1:56 am

amother Magnolia wrote:

It is assur to eat before havdalah, and he was probably reminding everyone that even though they're hungry, they need to hear havdalah first

Is it a Mitzvah to extend a fast?

salt

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 1:57 am

amother OP wrote:

DH comes home much later.

Are women like me, whose husbands come home much later, not allowed to drink water or eat before they hear Havdala?

Is it a Mitzvah to extend a fast?

You are allowed to drink water before Havdala. Not to eat.

lucky14

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 1:57 am

amother OP wrote:

DH comes home much later.

Are women like me, whose husbands come home much later, not allowed to drink water or eat before they hear Havdala?

Is it a Mitzvah to extend a fast?

Pretty sure you’re supposed to hear havdala before you eat. In the future can you make havdala for yourself?

amother

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 1:59 am

lucky14 wrote:

Pretty sure you’re supposed to hear havdala before you eat. In the future can you make havdala for yourself?

What would a short Havdala be, if one woman is making it for herself?

amother

Midnight

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 2:00 am

amother OP wrote:

What would a short Havdala be, if one woman is making it for herself?

Just look in the back of the machzer, it is pretty simple and short. BTW I made havdala for myself as soon as the fast ended. Was no big deal. I used the Artscroll machzer.

amother

Bellflower

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 2:07 am

amother OP wrote:

What would a short Havdala be, if one woman is making it for herself?

All it is after YK is borei miohrei haaish, hamavdil bein kodesh lchol, and hagafen. No bisamim. Can be made on juice or coffee.

Reality

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 2:10 am

amother Bisque wrote:

You can prepare before hearing havdalah after saying המבדל בין קודש לחול just like any shabbos.

One should not eat or drink until hearing havdalah. If a person desperately needs water, you can be lenient and drink.

Iymnok

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 2:24 am

The same as after Shabbos. No eating till after havdalla. After YK you could drink.
Say hamavdil before doing any preparation or melacha.
If you have to eat, make havdalla first.

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 3:05 am

Some hold that ladies can't make a full havdala on their own. (Don't remember why right now)
I have several neighbors that come to listen to my husband's havdala because their husband come home much later (single girl and lady who doesn't have a husband come every year as well!)
Op it's not a mitzva to extend the fast.
We are all mechuyav to hear havdala before eating.

amother

Mint

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 3:08 am

It can't be assur to leave before havdala - what about all the women who weren't there in the first place? you're allowed to drink water before havdala. You can't eat before havdala. We hold that women don't make havdala unless they're stuck so my husband comes home straight after shofar to make havdala for me and then goes back for maariv.

Elfrida

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 3:31 am

My shul doesn't even make havdallah in shul. About half the women leave after shofar; the other half stay for maariv.

One may not eat before havdallah. There are some opinions that on Yom Kippur one may not do melacha before havdallah.

Chickensoupprof

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 3:46 am

I made my own havdala I was really sick and I had to eat and drink somthing in order to even change a nappy of my really wringly and bussy 6m old.

amother

Poppy

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 4:55 am

I’m confused why your rav said that. You should ask. Some shuls finish early a few minutes before the zman and it’s still too early to do melacha. The men all stay to daven maariv but for the women who might not stay they have to know. I saw women waiting to leave so they could carry their things home because we can’t carry where I live. It could also be what others said about not eating until you hear havdala.

amother

Bottlebrush

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 5:01 am

Our shul davens maariv and havdala first and does shofar last, so nobody leaves until the shofar. Its like a whole extra 5 minutes and no one has died yet because of this.

No idea why they do it this way but its really nice that everyone leaves at once.