Rav said "Its assur to leave before Havdala" on Yom Kipur?

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 10:04 am

doodlesmom wrote:

Your husband should come home quicker if possible.
Maybe skip havdala in shul, or maybe go back later for maariv, or maybe go to a minyan that starts mariv exactly by the zman.

Her husband doesn't have to come home quicker, she can make Havdala for herself just like many people do.
No matter how quickly her husband comes home, it's still going to be at least 10-15 minutes after the zman. She can make Havdala for herself right at the zman.

amother

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 10:33 am

Elfrida wrote:

Some people do hold that it is an issue. You can ask your Rav before next year if you are concerned. If your shul makes havdallah in shul, the obvious solution would be to wait a few more minutes to hear havdallah before driving home.

Yesterday we went home with friends, and she suggested that she would start heating up the soup while her husband got havdallah ready. He reminded her not to do melachah before havdallah, so the soup waited.

Didnt I read upthread that Melacha is ok after saying Hamavdil Bain Kodesh LChol, only eating isnt allowed until after a full Havdala?

amother

Peru

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 10:42 am

Reality wrote:

You can prepare before hearing havdalah after saying המבדל בין קודש לחול just like any shabbos.

One should not eat or drink until hearing havdalah. If a person desperately needs water, you can be lenient and drink.

We don't consider drinking water a leniency. Dh would have been very upset if I waited to drink water. He drank water too before coming home.

amother

Molasses

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 10:45 am

amother OP wrote:

Didnt I read upthread that Melacha is ok after saying Hamavdil Bain Kodesh LChol, only eating isnt allowed until after a full Havdala?

Looks like there are different opinions. Most are saying it is fine.

Around me everyone is carrying and running to the cars right after maariv.

The women leave after neilah/shofar. I drank before havdalah but dh was home really fast.

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 11:26 am

amother Peru wrote:

If it says in shulchan aruch that drinking water is allowed then it isn't a leniency to do so.

Just curious if it actually says this, on Motzai Shabbos one may NOT drink before Havdala.
Not even water.

amother

Peru

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 11:29 am

amother Babyblue wrote:

Just curious if it actually says this, on Motzai Shabbos one may NOT drink before Havdala.
Not even water.

We hold motzei Shabbos is okay too.

https://oukosher.org/halacha-y.....egin/

Are you chabad by any chance? I saw that chabad holds that water isn't okay either.

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 11:31 am

amother Babyblue wrote:

Just curious if it actually says this, on Motzai Shabbos one may NOT drink before Havdala.
Not even water.

We hold that it's ok to drink water before havdala motzei shabbos, as well as after candlelighting/before kiddush on Friday night.

amother

Peru

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 11:35 am

amother Cobalt wrote:

We hold that it's ok to drink water before havdala motzei shabbos, as well as after candlelighting/before kiddush on Friday night.

Interestingly enough, we hold that before kiddush isn't okay, at least not in the night. But, before havadalah yes.

amother

Peru

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 4:22 pm

amother Babyblue wrote:

Just curious if it actually says this, on Motzai Shabbos one may NOT drink before Havdala.
Not even water.

Here you go. Clearly mefurash in Shulchan Aruch:

You may follow a different opinion, but it isn't a leniency to follow the shulchan aruch.

amother

Peru

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 4:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

Aval Im Haya Yoshev, what comes after that, and what does it mean?

It's not referring to that, it's referring to someone who is in the middle of eating (that he doesn't need to stop.) This is the rest of the text:
שלא לאכול ולא לעשות שום מלאכה קודם שיבדיל ובו י סעיפים:
אסור לאכול שום דבר או אפי' לשתות יין או שאר משקין חוץ ממים משתחשך עד שיבדיל אבל אם היה יושב ואוכל מבע"י וחשכה לו אין צריך להפסיק [אפילו משתייה ב"י] ואם היה יושב ושותה וחשכה לו צריך להפסיק ויש אומרים דהני מילי בספק חשיכה אבל בודאי חשיכה אפילו היה יושב ואוכל פורס מפה ומבדיל וגומר סעודתו: הגה והמנהג פשוט כסברא הראשונה:

amother

Peru

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 4:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

Aval Im Haya Yoshev, what comes after that, and what does it mean?

And are there even slightly different Halachos for after a fast?

After a regular fast you can eat straight away. After YK, you need havdalah, but it doesn't change anything about drinking.

Seems there are kabbalistic reasons not to drink water before havdalah which chabad and maybe others follow. If that's what you hold, of course you should follow it. But those who don't are not 'relying on a leniency', since that's what halacha allows.

Busybee5

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 5:03 pm

amother Peru wrote:

Wait so why do we need to use the yarzheit candle, that we lit before yom kippur came in, for the flame for havdala? I do melacha after nacht on motzai yom kippur so why can't I light a match? Yes I'm ffb Can't Believe It

I remember my bil in Israel once had to go get a light from a neighbour! And we all had to wait to eat Very Happy

I lit 2 candles in 2 different rooms just in case LOL

amother

Purple

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 6:35 pm

Elfrida wrote:

Had she already said Baruch Hamavdil (or Atah Chonanatanu) and was waiting for formal havdala? Or had she not said any form of havdala at all?

If the former, I'm extremely confused. Doing melacha is inevitably a prerequisite to making havdala, since one needs to light a flame. (Even on Motzaei Yom Kippur, when we light from an existing flame, putting a second wick together with the yarhtzeit candle is a melacha.) Unless you have a two-wicked yahrtzeit candle, it is impossible to make havdala without (someone) doing melacha, on motzei Shabbos or motzaei YK.

Obviously if one had no yet verbally said havdala, one should not do melacha. So if she had not yet said Baruch Hamavdil or Atah Chonantanu, her husband's warning made sense. And it is generally appropriate not to engage in unnecessary or elaborate work before havdala (even after verbally being mavdil), so maybe he was referring to that?

amother

Sienna

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 4:14 am

amother Purple wrote:

A lot of people don’t know.
Of course you can do melacha before havdallah.
Many men drive home after maariv and make havdallah when they get home.
Either a person has to daven maariv or say Baruch Hamavdil and then they can do all melacha aside for eating. (You can definitely heat up soup before havdallah)