Medical Shidduchim! AMA

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 9:04 am

I was upfront and honest about my story and only went to medical shadchanim when I was in shidduchim

I thought I would be last in my class to get married but I’m 26 and bh have 2 yummies! First from my friends to have a kid

AMA!

amother

Lemonlime

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 9:18 am

amother OP wrote:

1. Is your medical issue a serious one or not really?

2. Did you feel like you had to compromise and settle on what type of boy you wanted in order to get married?

3. Can you share contact information of medical shadchanim that you used? In search of them for my daughter

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 9:26 am

amother Lemonlime wrote:

1. Recent cancer survivor

2. I was upset initially . Angry, why is it fair that I have to settle. Went out with all kinds of boys with severe deficiencies.
Then I was redt to my husband
Went out once and told my parents this is it… he’s an absolute GEM
I got way more then what I was looking for bh!!!

3. I don’t have phone numbers but I went to Chava Most & Ruchie Steinberg (I believe her number is on a recent medical shidduchim thread called sensitive shidduchim) my shidduch was made in the end by my sister!

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 9:30 am

Thank you for sharing.
I have a daughter with a medical issue. So far I have said no to suggestions from medical shadchanim (Chava Most, Kesher Networks) as they were not appropriate for her. I know the right person will come along!

Can I ask you, what is your type/affiliation? Wondering if the other Shadchan you mention is affiliated with one demographic, or all types, as she's someone I never heard of.

Thank you!

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 10:01 am

amother Scarlet wrote:

The right should come along quickly and easily for your daughter!
My mom said no to probably thousands of offers
He will come iyh!!!!
We are heimish/ chassidish light
Ruchie Steinberg is chassidish
There were others Shadchanim we heard from here n there, someone Mr Israel in boro park (I believe chassidish) Aviva Einhorn on Lakewood (not chassidish at all as far as I remember)

amother

Lilac

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 12:02 pm

Did you find a hard time disclosing and getting rejected from someone you like ? This is something my son struggles with (also medical condition) that in the past he once chickened out and said no not to confront that feeling..

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:02 pm

amother Lilac wrote:

No like I mentioned above I never hid it
I did not understand why someone would get invested in a relationship and then go through a breakup because of this

I was open from the start

Every boy I went out with knew my full medical history before we went out
I do have a family member with an auto immune disease who is private to the world but only goes out with boys after she tells them her medical (through a Shadchan)

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:02 pm

Roots wrote:

so happy for you!
what a positive story and attitude
may you have continued health Smile

Amen! Thank you
Bh I really do have a happily ever after

amother

Lilac

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:25 pm

amother OP wrote:

Was your condition already known by many people that it was easy to be open upfront or is it just your personality not to be effected/keep it a secret ? (My son doesn't want the info to spread like that to other people giving him a lower advantage in shidduchim...)

Also another question ,were you looking specifically for someone who had a challenge in the past (who can understand you) that you were upfront or not necesarily ?

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:28 pm

amother Lilac wrote:

Technically it could have been possible to “hide” but I’m learning from my family member… everyone knows lol
It’s the difference between them asking to your face or talking behind your back
I am a more open person but I also just don’t see the point
I was purposely open, I was shidduch age when I got sick and I did not want to hide
I knew Hashem would take care of me
You can tell your son iyh Hashem will take care of him too!

Yep I wanted a guy who had been through life

amother

Darkblue

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:32 pm

Shidduchds@gmail.com was super helpful in helping us with medical shidduchim. It's a journey but there's someone for everyone! Been there, done that, feel ya!

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:59 pm

amother Taupe wrote:

So nice you became healthy and found your match! Does your husband also have medical issues?

Yes he’s hearing impaired

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 3:15 pm

amother Cyclamen wrote:

Did the treatment you went through affect fertility in any way? (Anything you knew beforehand?)
Did you do anything about it before dating?

It did not. I did go to the top onco-fertilityspecialist in the US and they assured me it would be fine
Because my kind of chemo causes infertility in men, but not in women
It did come up during dating. My in-laws were a little bit nervous, but we sent them to the Doctor who I had seen and they were fine with that

Ended up getting pregnant 6 weeks after my wedding bh

amother

Lilac

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 3:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

What advice would you give for those who go through similar situations in terms of "settling" ? My son for example had a difficult time in the past and felt pressured and scared to say no to someone who was on a religious wave length than him because of his condition. What would you say is important and not negotiable and what things should be overlooked ?

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 4:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes he’s hearing impaired

Interesting. I have another child, no health issues, married a boy who is hearing impaired. She dated him thru the regular shidduch system and he disclosed to her at a certain point, and she liked him and decided to marry him anyway.

My SIL claims that most boys with an issue like him will date thru regular shadchanim and disclose at a certain point, and that my younger daughter should do the same. However her issue is considered more serious by most, and I'm afraid to put her thru that. OTOH as I posted I'm finding the suggestions thru special shadchanim so far to be very compromising.

(as an example, she was suggested someone from a complicated and different-affiliation-than-us family background, and who is also quite a bit older than she. And another boy with learning/social issues, and she is a regular normal and actually very smart sociable girl. We looked into it, and said no to both.)

amother

Babypink

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 6:02 pm

I’m not really asking but applauding your approach. We did the same. My son and daughter in law are incredibly inspiring. Each has been through a battle. He got engaged like five minutes after being in shidduchim

amother

Babypink

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 6:03 pm

amother Scarlet wrote:

Keep looking, you will find your diamond