Family we invited, are you waiting for a better offer?

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Sun, Oct 01 2023, 7:20 am

I invited you and your family to our sukkah before Yom Kippur. You said you had to check when your DH invited his in-laws. We've spoken since and I more than hinted we would like an answer. If you don't want to come, could you please tell me?

amother

Blushpink

Sun, Oct 01 2023, 8:00 am

I would have reminded once earlier on then if you still didn't hear for a few days tell them you have other plans, sorry.
A few people, non-family, we invited told us they'd let us know and when we called to remind them they told us they are having parents and married children over.
So I moved on. Yeah, it's irritating when they don't have consideration for your plans.

amother

Khaki

Sun, Oct 01 2023, 8:04 am

I would ask them directly. There are many factors that can make it complicated and delay a family's plans so that they don't have an answer for you yet. Or they just forgot? But in any case, ask and clarify. I've had people tell me "we need to know in advance." It's completely fine to ask people to respond to an invitation and inform them that you need to know so that you can plan.

amother

Hibiscus

Sun, Oct 01 2023, 11:21 am

Their in laws may have said, "We'll let you know when we can come" and haven't yet.

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Oct 01 2023, 4:13 pm

That could be me.
Happened before.

Im so sorry.
Our sholom bayis is really bad.
I say one thing but then the situation is upended and I cant keep up.
I just cant give you an answer because the situation is so fluid.

Im so sorry, I hate letting people know last minute, but thats the situation right now.

amother

Canary

Sun, Oct 01 2023, 5:34 pm

I would call and say we need to know now or by some other deadline as we have other options

seeker

Sun, Oct 01 2023, 7:24 pm

amother Mistyrose wrote:

First of all sending hugs, been there.

As a prospective host, in that case I would prefer to be told that you do plan to come, so I would prepare for you, and then if you need to cancel at the last minute say it's an emergency and I'll deal with the leftovers just fine while sending up a prayer for your emergency. If you live nearby I'd also ask if you want the food brought over to your house instead.

If it happened a bunch of times without us knowing that there's a situation then we'd probably stop inviting you, and then you don't have to worry about making any more excuses...

groisamomma

Sun, Oct 01 2023, 7:27 pm

amother OP wrote:

Her parents?

OP, why don't you call her directly?

belovedaz

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 9:28 pm

I had this on second days. When erev yt came around I had dh nicely tell them the invite was over. Like if u wanna come, let me know! I need to buy and cook food!

amother

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 9:45 pm

amother Mistyrose wrote:

Thanks for this perspective. I understand and have been there myself. I remember having to cancel last minute on invites because of fights. B"H things are much better now for us, I hope that can give you chizuk.

WhatFor

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 11:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why are you hinting? Just send a message like, "hey, I just wanted to check in whether you were planning to come to us for x meal. Can you please let me know by (insert time) so that (choose: I know how much to prepare / if you can't, I'll have enough time to invite someone else)? Thank you! (Insert a few types of smiley emojis)

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