Not enough food at in-laws seudas

amother

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 8:32 pm

My in-laws have a large family bi”h, with mostly boys in their teens, so as expected they have healthy appetites.
The only thing is I’ve noticed that lately there is simply not enough food. If you don’t serve yourself fast enough it’s all gone. Now I don’t mind so much for me, I’m happy to eat something at home after the meal or by my parents who live nearby, but if I want to feed my kids at the seuda I start feeling as though I’m taking food out my siblings in-laws mouths.
So I have a dilemma, should I just feed them at home before we arrive and bring snacks with in case they get hungry? Is it rude if they notice nobody in my family is eating?
Should I mention something to my mother in-law?
From what I know they are financially stable so it’s not a money problem and they can afford food.
Not sure how to approach this.

imasinger

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 8:37 pm

IME, if you ask if you can bring anything, a host often says no. But if you tell them you are planning to bring something, they more often are happy to accept.

"We're so happy to join you, I want to drop off a couple of things I made to add to the seudah, I was thinking of _____ and ______, would that be all right?"

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 8:39 pm

imasinger wrote:

Great idea. It’s such an awkward situation. Maybe you can also say, my kids eat very kid friendly foods and bring a platter of chicken fingers, franks n blanks etc

Rappel

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 8:43 pm

You can go either way:

*Bring something you know their family might like, as a treat for them.

*Bring something you know your children will like, and excuse it as a picky-eater problem

Or

Stuff your kids with snacks before, during, and after.

All options are easy to explain.

giftedmom

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 8:44 pm

I vote feed your kids at home. Mostly because I do that anyway. I learned to go with the attitude that were going for the visit, and not to have any food expectations. The kids end up running around anyway and chasing them with so many others in the way is exhausting. Let them have their fun and eat their favorite foods at home. I always make sure to have a warm main and side dish at home even if we’re eating out, in case anyone is still hungry when we get home.

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 8:45 pm

I'd officially bring a dish for everyone to enjoy, making sure there's enough for everyone. If asked, I would say that I feel bad MiL cooks everything for so many people. I don't think it's fair not to bring something along

amother

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 8:50 pm

imasinger wrote:

Really good idea! I usually I just bring a dessert or Challa ( there is enough challa for just one small piece for everyone).
Never thought to bring a main. Only thing is it feels weird to all of a sudden start bringing main dishes, I’m wondering what my mother in-law would think.

amother

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 8:58 pm

Just clarifying, when I say there’s not enough food, I mean it. One piece of challa. Half a bowl of chicken soup, tiny piece of fish, main is always chicken either one drumstick or one thigh, one or two tiny side dishes- I’m taking probably 4 sliced potatoes and a few grilled vegetables.
Happy to bring something for the meal just the amounts I’m used to making for my small family are bigger than hers for a very large family! Just hope to not look like I’m hinting that there isn’t enough.
The picky eater excuse sounds good just hope it’s subtle enough.

imasinger

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 10:33 pm

Hopefully, MIL thinks, "wow, that's great!"

You can say something about, "I'm so happy to contribute our favorite chicken dish to your yummy meal", or whatever.

If you're upbeat, they probably will be as well. And maybe grateful, too.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 10:45 pm

Even if you always just brought challah it’s totally fine to show up with a main and/or a side or two.
Here are some options for things to say:
“I was so in the mood of cooking, I figured I’d bring it here where everyone could enjoy it!”

“My kids were asking me to make this dish for yom tov but since we were coming here I thought I’d bring it along”

“I had this chicken defrosted and it needed to be cooked. dig in everyone, it was going to go to waste otherwise”

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 10:46 pm

Do you know for sure your inlaws financial situation is stable? Maybe it is not any more.
Whatever the situation is, I would feed the kids before coming and bring a dish. If you are embarassed, you could say that youjust tried that new recipe and its terrific and wanted to share. Or you made a lot of whatever to freeze, but forgot to. Any excuse really because the family will probably appreciate the extra food.

amother

Zinnia

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 10:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

I’m surprised no one has mentioned speaking to her about this (her husband should
Not her obviously). I feel like my mom would be so embarrassed if she didn’t realize there wasn’t enough food and she would be happy to make more… I can see my brother speaking with my mom in a nice way about it or hinting that are kids eat a lot etc.

tichellady

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 11:15 pm

amother OP wrote:

I mean even if it isn’t subtle it’s good for them to realize this

Raisin

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 11:20 pm

I would for sure bring some food, maybe something like schnitzle or kugel or meat borekas. Really anything. A kugel is full of eggs, (protein) and carbs or veg, so a complete meal. Will definitely help fill people up.