English is a Crazy language

GLUE

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 1:03 am

Let’s face it — English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese… One blouse, 2 blice?

Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a “slim chance” and a “fat chance” be the same, while a “wise man” and “wise guy” are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while “quite a lot” and “quite a few” are alike? How can the weather be “hot as hell” one day and “cold as hell” another?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who are spring chickens or who would actually hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn’t a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

zoom

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 8:21 am

Love this!

Did you actually write this?

listenhere

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 8:25 am

Really enjoyed this. Thank you!

amother

Tulip

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 8:30 am

Cute but do you know why eggplants are called eggplant? Because when they’re growing, it looks like an egg is on the stem.
Hamburgers are named after Hamburg steak.
Pineapple is called pineapple because they grow on trees, like apples, and looks like pine cones when they’re growing.
English muffins were invented by an Englishman. But he was in America at the time.
French fries were first made in Belgium, and are called French since they were made in the French speaking part of Belgium.
I don’t have time to go through the rest of the essay, English is an unusual, evolving language and sometimes there are reasons why certain things are named the way they are.

unnamed

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 8:37 am

Why is a building called a building if it's already built?

amother

Steelblue

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 8:54 am

GLUE wrote:

You should really cite your source when you post something like this
Otherwise it's plagiarism

amother

Peach

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 8:59 am

OP did you write this yourself?

Thank you, & if so have you thought about publishing it? Or making it into a children's book with Dr Seuss-esque illustrations?

amother

Alyssum

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 9:01 am

amother

Heather

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 9:17 am

amother Peach wrote:

OP did you write this yourself?

Thank you, & if so have you thought about publishing it? Or making it into a children's book with Dr Seuss-esque illustrations?

We would get this peice in English class at the start of every year so I don't think this is an original.

NechaMom

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:28 am

I used to know this by heart from school. Thanks for the memories.

amother

Azalea

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 11:39 am

Lots of words come into the English language from other languages such as French, Latin, and Greek. So the rules may be different for similar sounding words because they actually have different roots. I find etymology fascinating.

GLUE

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 12:09 pm

amother Steelblue wrote:

You should really cite your source when you post something like this
Otherwise it's plagiarism

I could not find the source, I looked for it it was posted in a lot of places but no author

If you know who wrote it please say.

amother

Steelblue

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 12:15 pm

GLUE wrote:

I could not find the source, I looked for it it was posted in a lot of places but no author

If you know who wrote it please say.

You didn't try very hard. I googled the first line and this came up
https://www.goodreads.com/quot.....there

You should have at least said that it wasn't you who wrote it

NechaMom

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 4:33 pm

amother Steelblue wrote:

You didn't try very hard. I googled the first line and this came up
https://www.goodreads.com/quot.....there

You should have at least said that it wasn't you who wrote it

I don’t think she intended anyone to think she wrote it.
It’s a popular article.

amother

Peach

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 8:39 pm

So clever, thanks for posting!

GLUE

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 9:28 pm

I am sorry if anyone thought that I wrote this I have seen this type of essay all over the place and I just assumed that everyone at one point or another seen it.

GLUE

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 9:30 pm

Years ago one of my teachers gave out this poem:

I have a spelling checker
It came with my PC
It highlights for my review
Mistakes I cannot sea.
I ran this poem thru it
I'm sure your pleased to no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My checker told me sew.

shanie5

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 9:46 pm

I love lucy and the english language.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZV40f0cXF4

GLUE

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 12:30 am

shanie5 wrote:

I love lucy and the english language.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZV40f0cXF4

Thanks for sharing

Anyone have anymore?

thanks

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 2:14 am

GLUE wrote:

Thanks for sharing

Anyone have anymore?

What does l-o-w spell?
How about g-r-o-w?
And how about c-o-w?

What does t-o-u-g-h spell?
How about d-o-u-g-h?
And t-h-r-o-u-g-h?

New and sew don't rhyme,
Bowl and owl also don't.