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Taking uneaten food home from your plate - ok?
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 9:54 am
We have a community kiddush lunch every week. If one ends up taking too much food on his or her plate, and the food otherwise would end up in the trash can, would you consider it fine to take it home? (I'm talking about something that could easily be taken home, like putting a couple extra pieces of shnitzel or a couple cookies on a paper cup or wrapping them in a napkin.)

I think it's rude to take extra food intending to take it home -- especially if other people haven't had a chance to take food. But I think it's perfectly fine not to waste stuff that's otherwise going to be thrown out.

It's unpredictable what the kids will like and eat, so we often take home stuff so it doesn't get thrown out. Don't see others doing this, but I see many of other people regularly throwing away plates with lots of uneaten food. Just wondering if people think it's rude.
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amother
Dahlia


 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 9:58 am
If it's on your plate which will be going to the garbage, why not?
People eat with their eyes especially after davening lol. There are always loaded plates left on the buffet. Idk if I'd do it, but it doesn't sound terrible.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:02 am
amother Dahlia wrote:
If it's on your plate which will be going to the garbage, why not?
People eat with their eyes especially after davening lol. There are always loaded plates left on the buffet. Idk if I'd do it, but it doesn't sound terrible.


Plates left *ON* the buffet -- This happens at everywhere and it's savage and disgusting. I'm shocked at how many people are too rude to use a trash can and think it's okay to dump off their dirty plate where food is being served.
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amother
Firethorn


 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:03 am
It sounds tacky.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:07 am
amother Firethorn wrote:
It sounds tacky.


ditto. I'm very conscious of not throwing food out but you need to do a better job to avoid the situation. Don't fill plates. Take one thing at a time. You will get a lot of looks and be a topic of conversation if you do this.
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:54 am
Don't.Fill.Plates!!!
You take something in a *small* amount and if your like it you may take again. You serve your kids. Again *small* amounts.
Problem solved.
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Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 11:04 am
It sounds like the sort of situation where if you don't fill your plate at once, someone else will, and there won't be any food left when when you come back.

It's not a great situation, but I don't know how to suggest changing the entire culture.
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lamplighter




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 11:24 am
Ideally you take small amounts of things and if you want more you go back for more. Is this a situation where you need to take right away or there won't be any left?
Wrapping food to go when there are no to go containers is tacky. A child taking a cookie or something like that is more socially acceptable.
I'm not saying it makes sense but wrapping up shnitzels is an etiquette faux pas.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 12:23 pm
Elfrida wrote:
It sounds like the sort of situation where if you don't fill your plate at once, someone else will, and there won't be any food left when when you come back.

It's not a great situation, but I don't know how to suggest changing the entire culture.


Exactly -- or at least the good stuff that everyone wants (meats, cholent, cookies/brownies) gets gobbled up fairly quickly.

Has anyone ever been to a shul kiddush where there is leftover cholent?
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Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 12:36 pm
This sounds like lunch, not a kiddush. Most shuls kiddushes that I go to have have rogelach and cakes, and maybe herring and salads and Yerushalmi kugel.

On the rare occasions that it includes chulent, yes, there is a fair amount left over. People are going home for lunch.
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amother
Poppy


 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 12:44 pm
The problem is that there is such a fine line between between accidentally take more food than can be consumed and somehow deliberately taking more food in the expectation that one will take it home.

How does one draw the line?

I have a fairly big appetite but I am generally able to gauge the amount of food that I can eat without enough leftovers so that it would merit taking it home. The only time I would have significant amount of food left over would be if it were something I didn't like - and then why would I take it home. LOL

Realistically how much is one taking home? A whole schnitzel which means one took at least two. A cup of cholent (or equivalent) which means that one took a very large serving to begin with.

I personally would think it was tacky if I saw someone take home food.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 12:59 pm
amother Poppy wrote:
The problem is that there is such a fine line between between accidentally take more food than can be consumed and somehow deliberately taking more food in the expectation that one will take it home.

How does one draw the line?


My question is designed to be about how you self-evaluate if you're ethical/tacky, not for how others judge if you're ethnical/tacky. My question assumes that you had good intentions and weren't attempting to take extra food so you can take it home -- in that case, is it still ethical/tacky to take the food home?

Obviously it's much harder for someone else to know whether you had good intentions or bad intentions. There are surely cases where you can probably tell, but in most cases, you probably can't tell. And that isn't really my question.
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amother
Poppy


 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 1:02 pm
amother OP wrote:
My question is designed to be about how you self-evaluate if you're ethical/tacky, not for how others judge if you're ethnical/tacky. My question assumes that you had good intentions and weren't attempting to take extra food so you can take it home -- in that case, is it still ethical/tacky to take the food home?

Obviously it's much harder for someone else to know whether you had good intentions or bad intentions. There are surely cases where you can probably tell, but in most cases, you probably can't tell. And that isn't really my question.


I think I addressed that as I find it hard to believe that someone miscalculated their appetite so significantly that it is worth bringing home a few bites of food.

I differentiated between a whole schnitzel or equivalent and a few bites.

Most people don't request a doggie bag at a restaurant because they didn't make a completely clean plate - for example.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 1:17 pm
amother Poppy wrote:
I think I addressed that as I find it hard to believe that someone miscalculated their appetite so significantly that it is worth bringing home a few bites of food.

I differentiated between a whole schnitzel or equivalent and a few bites.

Most people don't request a doggie bag at a restaurant because they didn't make a completely clean plate - for example.


Well, we do request doggie bags for small amounts of food. I know it's not the norm, but I don't think it's so weird either. It's a little bit of a Jewish ("I paid for it, I'm gonna get my money's worth") thing, but it's really mostly that it's a nice fun mid-afternoon snack for my husband that he enjoys to have a few bites of some yummy food.

As to you premise that people don't miscalculate their appetites significantly, judging from all the wasted food on plates being thrown away (other posters mentioned this too), I suspect that a lot of people are misjudging their appetites significantly.

Also, none of this addresses the issue with feeding kids. It's hard to know what kids are going to like and want to eat on any given day. They might have really devoured a particular pasta dish that the rebbitzen made last week and you get a decent portion of it for them the next week, and they don't touch it for whatever reason.
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amother
Hydrangea


 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 1:28 pm
We have taken home food, often cholent (which is common at our kiddushes but is the only hot food there), when a child is served a reasonable amount but then eats it exceedingly slowly and we want to leave. So the plate comes along and the child eats it at home.
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amother
Firethorn


 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 1:47 pm
amother OP wrote:
My question is designed to be about how you self-evaluate if you're ethical/tacky, not for how others judge if you're ethnical/tacky. My question assumes that you had good intentions and weren't attempting to take extra food so you can take it home -- in that case, is it still ethical/tacky to take the food home?

Obviously it's much harder for someone else to know whether you had good intentions or bad intentions. There are surely cases where you can probably tell, but in most cases, you probably can't tell. And that isn't really my question.

I wouldn't.
Even though I do take home my leftovers at a restaurant on occasion.
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lamplighter




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 1:47 pm
How often is this happening that your kids are changing their minds on what they want and you have significant food to bring back?

I am also unsure of what your question is, you are asking if we think it's fine and when we say no it's considered rude, you're saying you're not asking about what people will think. So what are you asking?
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amother
Snow


 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 1:52 pm
It's ethically completely ok but considered tacky. Also there may be a mar'it ayin issue if people suspect you purposely filled your plate al menat to take the shirayim home.
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amother
Stoneblue


 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 2:11 pm
lamplighter wrote:

I am also unsure of what your question is, you are asking if we think it's fine and when we say no it's considered rude, you're saying you're not asking about what people will think. So what are you asking?


It sounds like she's asking for people to tell her that it is fine to take generous portions to start with, then bring home whatever they don't eat on the spot.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Wed, Oct 04 2023, 2:36 pm
amother OP wrote:
Exactly -- or at least the good stuff that everyone wants (meats, cholent, cookies/brownies) gets gobbled up fairly quickly.

Has anyone ever been to a shul kiddush where there is leftover cholent?


Do you make lunch for your family? If you don't want to waste food, and also don't want to be a topic of conversation, take a small amount that you know you will eat and eat lunch at home. Change your mindset. Others may be making the kiddush into their lunch. You don't have to do that.

Also I dont understand your statement, "It's unpredictable what the kids will like and eat." Walk around with your kids and ask them to choose one item to eat. Then there won't be waste or uneaten food.
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