Opting out of homework- 3rd grade

amother

Whitewash

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 9:04 am

mushkamothers wrote:

Shes in 3rd grade.
Not in high school. She has her whole life to learn to be responsible.
She has one childhood and its right now.
All research shows that homework is ineffective at best, damaging at worst.
There is zero reason for her to be doing homework.
(PS I have a masters degree in education)

While I am not really team homewok, if you have a masters in education you surely know that not “all research” is anti homework.
On the most basic level it’s the easiest way for a parent to be engaged in their child’s learning, and when class size is large, it’s the easiest way to make sure they aren’t falling through the cracks.

I was in total disagreement with you OP. When you said she gets home at 415, I thought that’s pretty early … I’ve had younger kids get home at 5 or later. I also feel homework shows a sense of responsibility which is a major life skill , yes even at 8 years old.

That being said, 40 minutes is way too long for a 3rd grader. I would do ten minutes and stop.

amother

Milk

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 9:16 am

4th grade Morah here. 40 min is a lot. Schools generally have a policy of how long HW should take, find out abt your school. Have a straightforward, unaccusing conversation with her teachers in the ‘how can we work together to help her succeed with HW’ kind of way. Also, she might not do as well as you think if she never practiced the skills etc she learned in school.
I’m not agreeing or disagreeing. I just wanted to point these things out. One more big point- how will she feel when the class gives in their HW and she doesn’t? Trust me, when everyone walks in talking abt the HW and giving it in and she just goes to her desk she’ll definitely feel out of it and might even get some comments from friends.

amother

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 9:57 am

amother Whitewash wrote:

we don't have to agree, however I believe it is late. I don't live in a huge frum community and I grew up secular. when I was in kindergarten school was a half day, 1-12 grades I got home between 2:30-3:15. These standards of children being out of the house all day are because our material standards have gone up so much that we now need both parents out of the house to work all day, so kids need to be in schools all day. whether you agree with me or not, it is not in the best interest of children to be out all day, come home, eat do homework and go to sleep. kids need to spend time with their families and this is the epidemic of western society.

amother

Amethyst

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 10:01 am

amother OP wrote:

I thought the longer days is because of the dual curriculum. I grew up in the 80s and my mom didn’t work. Definitely not a materially affluent time or place. But elementary school dismissed at 4:20 (and I got home an hour later) and high school ended 5:10 (and I got home an hour later) This is pretty normal for yeshivas

amother

Burntblack

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 10:08 am

amother OP wrote:

OP you are 100% right.

My MIL is a teacher and always complains that the work at home is the worst part of teaching. Yet she is a big believer in homework. And I'm like what a hypocrite!!! If you dont want to do work after school then the kids definitely dont!! And at least she works half a day. Poor kids who are out of the house from 820-5 and then have to use their precious time at home for more stupid school work!!

amother

Whitewash

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 10:11 am

amother OP wrote:

I also went to public school and my sister teaches in public school. She too gets home at 3. However their day starts at 8 or earlier , kids can be on the bus as early as 645. The day length, at least for elementary , is the same, or very similar.

When I was in public school we had school 8-3. My sisters school is 745-245. My girls are in school 915-4 (shorter than the public schools, but yes later), and my boy is 845-350.

amother

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 10:16 am

amother Whitewash wrote:

915-4 sounds good let the kid sleep in a little, when it was covid here school was 9-2:30, the kids were happy despite all the restrictions, parents were more relaxed in a way too

amother

Whitewash

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 10:18 am

amother OP wrote:

915-4 sounds good let the kid sleep in a little, when it was covid here school was 9-2:30, the kids were happy despite all the restrictions, parents were more relaxed in a way too

What hours is your kids school now?

mommyhood

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 12:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

why don't you think the pressures of school and homework are causing the anxiety? why won't it ease her load to have less homework

It might be but school and homework aren’t going away unless you’re moving her to a different school system or working to overhaul the one where you live, you’ll just be solving the problem for this year. Eventually she won’t be able to succeed in school without doing work at home so figuring out how to balance both is in her long term best interest.

amother

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 12:20 pm

mommyhood wrote:

According to who and what? According to who will she not be able to succeed in school? She’s doing great and her parents didn’t have homework like this when they were in school and she we are BH doing well now too

amother

Whitewash

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 12:26 pm

amother OP wrote:

Homework is part of the grade. She can’t be a tenth grader and just opt out of it. Unless you have an IEP or something.

mfb

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 12:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

Tried this. Is caused her major anxiety because she is a perfectionist.

How about if it’s an official arrangement between you and the teacher. She only has to do what can be done within the 10 minute timer?
Would that help, or is the clock ticking causing anxiety?

amother

Aqua

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 12:33 pm

My son has about 5 pesukim, a rashi or two kriah read for 5 min. This takes him a half hour. Mostly because of the kvetching poor kid. He struggles with kriah and this affects everything. I think homework really does help kids improve (especially my kid who spaces out in class).

It is hard to insist that your child do hard things. But it is good for them. Try not to get personal about it. You are helping them develop responsibility, work ethic, and organization skills. These are even more important than academic achievements. I think it's worth it.

mha3484

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 12:42 pm

I have a 3rd grade son who is not an easy child. He really needs to decompress after school. I opted out of HW in pre1a-2nd and this year in 3rd I decided its important to start doing it. He only has for limudei kodesh and its a few pesukim and some days a rashi. No more then 10-15 minutes. Getting him to do it is very hard, DH does it with him a lot more then I do. But I think its good for him at this age. I am very skeptical about the benefits in the years before this one.

I would never make him do more then 15 minutes. I would tell the teacher its too much for my child and this is what he can handle.

Bnei Berak 10

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 12:46 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

Stupid school work? You got some attitude.