Who pays for Bris and pidyon haben

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

1 2 3 4 Next

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:08 am

Who pays for bris and pidyon haben?
Is it true one side pays for bris and one side pays for pidyon haben if there is one?
Is that the norm?

amother

Coffee

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:09 am

Two sides? The mother and the father of the baby are usually both in this together so that makes one side.

amother

Goldenrod

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:10 am

This varies A LOT.

If you're asking about pidyon haven, I assume you're referring to a first child. Mazal tov! You may want to specify whoch community you're part of to get more specific answers.

I am chassidish, my parents are poor (and also a little clueless when it comes to standards). We paid for the bris ourselves and my in-laws paid for the pidyon haven.

amother

Mulberry

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:13 am

There is no norm.

My parents covered the cost of the bris aside for the mohel which we paid for ourselves.

We paid for the pidyon haben.

amother

Cantaloupe

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:15 am

amother Goldenrod wrote:

This varies A LOT.

If you're asking about pidyon haven, I assume you're referring to a first child. Mazal tov! You may want to specify which community you're part of to get more specific answers.

I am chassidish, my parents are poor (and also a little clueless when it comes to standards). We paid for the bris ourselves and my in-laws paid for the pidyon haven.

This!
In my circles, heimish/chassidish, one side takes each.
My side is not in any shape to provide, I knew this and saved up before the baby for a bris and pidyon haven.
My in laws ended paying for both, (we paid for the mohel) I wasn't going to argue, and just accepted and didn't give my opinion on any of the details because I didn't feel comfortable knowing that for all their other kids they fully expect their mechutanim to pay for bris or down payment etc. And obviously felt like they had to do it all for us because I come from a dysfunctional background. (I really didn't have expectations though...)

I recommend the same to everyone in life - don't have expectations..

amother

Periwinkle

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:16 am

Often whichever side gets the name, will pay for the bris. There’s no rule for the pidyon haben. I’ve heard of parents paying, in laws paying, the couple paying, everyone splitting the cost.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:16 am

Each family and situation is different. Whoever wants to or offers to will pay. Children should not have expectations that their parents will pay and the parents (grandparents of the baby) shouldn’t feel obligated to have to pay.

lucky14

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:17 am

amother Periwinkle wrote:

Often whichever side gets the name, will pay for the bris. There’s no rule for the pidyon haben. I’ve heard of parents paying, in laws paying, the couple paying, everyone splitting the cost.

This must be community specific. I’ve never heard this before.

amother

Cantaloupe

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:17 am

amother Periwinkle wrote:

Often whichever side gets the name, will pay for the bris. There’s no rule for the pidyon haben. I’ve heard of parents paying, in laws paying, the couple paying, everyone splitting the cost.

And I've heard of Sandek paying for the Bris Wink

amother

SandyBrown

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:17 am

If you’re asking in the heimish chassidish world, then yes generally parents of the girl cover the bris and in laws the pidyon. But it’s not the case for everyone

amother

Narcissus

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:19 am

We paid for bris and in-laws paid for pidyon haben.

amother

Coffee

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:21 am

amother Cantaloupe wrote:

And I've heard of Sandek paying for the Bris Wink

That would be kind of awkward when we give the honor to our rav or rosh yeshiva. When we give to a grandfather we want him to feel the honor and love we have for him and what a zchus it is for us to have him hold our baby. It wouldn’t be comfortable to have him pay the caterer.

amother

Charcoal

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:21 am

Wow times have changed. We were old enough to make a baby so we were old enough to pay for the bris. We were in kollel and could only afford a somewhat frugal bris held in the kollel so that’s what we made. When one set of parents gave us $300 we were so grateful. Which side pays for diapers and formula these days? Tuition?

amother

Maize

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:22 am

Couples pay for the simcha, unless someone offers to chip in or sponsor it.

For my first, my father offered to pay for the bris and we paid the mohel (a lot actually since we had no other expenses). We paid for the pidyon haben

For my second we planned to pay for it, and after it was over my father again covered the costs which was a very nice surprise.

amother

Brickred

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:22 am

We fully paid for both.
How would the side that gets the name pay for the bris? They only fond out by the bris.

amother

Wandflower

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:25 am

We always paid for our boys' brisim but in laws paid for the ( very modest) pidyan haven. I was young & stupid & just took it for granted & didn't even thank them embarrassed

. They were financially strapped & I'm sure it wasn't easy for them even though I was hoping for a bit of a nicer affair.

I can't believe I'm admitting this now, I guess I need to be more dlz the youngones as I wasn't much better..

Also a bris by us is very modest as most people need to be at work. A minyan of men with challah, fish & kugel, sometimes a gaggle of grandparents & sisters/ sisters in law will show up as the new mom's home for cheesecake & bagels/ salads. No fancy catered affairs.

amother

Daffodil

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:31 am

In my circles the fathers parents pay and take care of the entire pidyon haben, they book hall wherever they want they invite they basically make the simcha. Bris really varies usually the first 2 or so the mothers parents pay for it. I’m chasiddish williamsburg

amother

Almond

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:46 am

amother SandyBrown wrote:

If you’re asking in the heimish chassidish world, then yes generally parents of the girl cover the bris and in laws the pidyon. But it’s not the case for everyone

Pretty typical in the yeshivish litvish world as well. Not a rule but definitely very common.

amother

Steel

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 11:30 am

It's your baby. You should pay. If your parents or in laws offer to pay be grateful for whatever they give you or whatever kind of party they make.

amother

Silver

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 11:36 am

I never heard of the baby's grandparents paying for these things. If w are old enough to get married arent we old enough to pay for our childrens simchas ourselves? so confusing...

Page 1 of 4

1 2 3 4 Next