Who pays for Bris and pidyon haben

amother

Tan

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 8:37 am

amother Periwinkle wrote:

Often whichever side gets the name, will pay for the bris. There’s no rule for the pidyon haben. I’ve heard of parents paying, in laws paying, the couple paying, everyone splitting the cost.

Our mechutanim offered to pay for the Bris, they are in the supermarket industry and basically self catered. They were very appreciative that we didn't mind that the name was from their side but they didn't know before the Bris. Out mechutan also was offered to be sandek but insisted on giving it over to my husband.

amother

Hosta

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 8:41 am

We paid for the Bris. The pidyon ha'ben was another expense that we couldn't really afford. We made it at home, and everyone contributed to the food. My mother coordinated the menu and who would be cooking what.

amother

Aster

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 8:43 am

amother Brickred wrote:

We fully paid for both.
How would the side that gets the name pay for the bris? They only fond out by the bris.

It goes the first baby is a name from the mother's side and then the second babys name is from the father's side and so on... so even if they don't know the name, they'll know it's from their side (exception would be if someone passed away recently)

amother

Maize

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 8:51 am

amother Aster wrote:

It goes by whatever the couple decides to do for each baby, together

amother

Alyssum

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 8:51 am

lucky14 wrote:

This must be community specific. I’ve never heard this before.

Not in our days. If parents wanted to help they did. If not, we did it ourselves. In the early 90's sometimes the Neshei would help out preparing some food. (we paid for the food but they set tables and prepared meat and vegies. ).
Back then we also made our Simcha and Seuda in Shul. We didnt pay $300 for a hall.
Our first bris we had in our home.

amother

Holly

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 9:02 am

I never thought of this question.
We're yeshivish fwiw.
We, as parents, paid for all of our sons' brisos. We didn't make a pidyon haben but if we had we would have paid for that too. My parents usually gave us something for each child but the same for boys and girls to do what we need. My inlaws never gave anything.

chassidisheveib

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 9:09 am

We payed the bris. And parents and in laws helped us pay for the pidyan haben which is very nice cuz they both don’t have a lot of money

amother

Aster

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 9:22 am

amother Maize wrote:

It goes by whatever the couple decides to do for each baby, together

The couple decides together a name from the side whose turn it is

amother

Milk

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 9:23 am

I'm having now my first and it didn't occur to me that we wouldn't pay for the bris. I guess I never asked what's usually done.

I'm not having a pidyon haben because I'm a bas levi but did understand that it's common in my community (chassidish) for the father's parents to host and therefore pay for the pidyon haben.

amother

Pink

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 9:29 am

amother Gold wrote:

I am so confused
We paid for our sons bris and all our simchas

Same. We are JPF/MO and paid for everything ourselves- it never occurred to me that I would ask my parents or in laws. We had a pretty simple bris in our home, but everyone was fine with that.

imaima

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 9:51 am

amother OP wrote:

Who pays for bris and pidyon haben?
Is it true one side pays for bris and one side pays for pidyon haben if there is one?
Is that the norm?

I have always thought it was parents unless grandparents graciously contribute

amother

Rose

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:03 am

amother Silver wrote:

I never heard of the baby's grandparents paying for these things. If w are old enough to get married arent we old enough to pay for our childrens simchas ourselves? so confusing...

So actually not. When many yeshivish, and jpf, and certainly chassidish people get married they ARE NOT old enough to support themselves. While jpf may not be in kollel, they are often in school and I see many parents also boosting their kids along - though not aa formally.
The "social contract" is that you marry young and your parents help you along until you get in your feet.

Of course the parents of the couple don't HAVE to and shouldn't be expected to, but most push themselves to because they know they raised and encouraged their child to get married before they can really afford these things themselves .

ddmom

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:53 am

OP if you live in Lakewood and need help for the bris, there's a gemach for that. Lmk if you want the number.

Not sure if baby is born yet but if you're expecting and know what you're having I recommend buying paper goods for bris/kiddush before baby is born!

amother

Raspberry

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 10:54 am

Yeshivish, my parents paid for the bris and in-laws paid for the pidyon haben. I actually really wanted to do it myself (and pay for it), but I was so overwhelmed physically, not feeling well and getting used to taking care of a child, I really wasn’t up to planning a whole affair. I still feel bad about it, it didn’t feel like our simcha. It was all our parents’ social circles, they made all the decisions…and I felt like I just had to be grateful that they planned and paid for it all.

amother

Sunflower

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 11:09 am

We paid for Kiddush for dd, Bris for son (no Pidyon). No parental contributions, although they each gave a gift for the baby. When our gs was born, we offered some money to make it a little nicer, although the parents were paying for the Bris. In the end, it was a tiny affair at home due to covid, so we told them to keep it as a gift for the baby. No Pidyon because Kohanim. I agree that it is the parents' responsibility. IF the grandparents want to pay, that is lovely, but it is by no means an obligation.

amother

Tulip

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 11:16 am

Yeshivish, we used the local bris Gemach so it was very cheap, and parents and in-laws gave us money to use for expenses. So could’ve been used for bris or whatever.
All our peers used bris Gemach too, so there was no shame. The rule was that you are not allowed to upgrade the Gemach standard, so you either paid very little (Gemach) or needed to pay for everything yourself. (Catered) So there’s no option of grandparents “adding” hot food for example.